Fighting For Something
by jax514
Summary: One year after Rory turned down Logan's proposal, she receives a phone call from Finn that changes everything. It could bring the two of them back together. But in what capacity? ROGAN, post S7.
1. Everything There Is To Miss

**A/N: **So I haven't written any fanfiction whatsoever in several years now. I went so far as to remove all former traces of fanfiction from the internet, and let my account become inactive. Then, last night, this story idea popped into my head, refusing to leave. Before I knew it, I was doing research. Then when I sat down to write, I wrote 2 and a half chapters without stopping. And so, I decided to bite the bullet and return to writing fanfiction again. We'll see how this turns out, since I haven't done this in years.

Of course, feedback is appreciated. Particularly since it's been a whole since I've played around and someone else's sandbox.

**Disclaimer:** Gilmore Girls isn't mine. We all know this.

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><p>On the outside, Rory Gilmore appeared to be just fine. Despite being nervous about starting her new job as a journalist following Barak Obama's presidential campaign, she had adjusted to life on the bus with apparent ease. Her stories were good. Great even. The articles had started off a little shaky at first, but they had improved steadily each time she submitted something to her editor, Hugo, for approval. She was being social, making friends with many of the other reporters she travelled with. She spent most of her time with other internet journalists, but had exchange words with quite a few journalists from the bigger named papers. She talked to Oprah in the bathroom at an event in Chicago. She gave Senator Obama a piece of gum once. If Rory were to sit and evaluate how things had been going so far, she'd definitely say that she was happy with her life at the moment.<p>

Of course, it wasn't without its difficulties. Rory missed her friends and family immensely. She missed her mom more than she thought she would. Rory was used to talking to Lorelai on an almost daily basis, in addition to seeing her at least once a week. Now, she was lucky if she could call her mom once a week. They made up for this by sending frequent emails. Rory found that, as a journalist who was constantly on the move, it was easy to start writing an email to her mother at almost any time, and finish it when she got the chance. (This was often at 3 o'clock in the morning, a time Lorelai would not be happy with receiving a phone call anyway.)

She missed her grandparents more than she expected. Particularly, she missed seeing them every week at Friday night dinner. Not because she necessarily enjoyed these weekly dinners. In fact, many of the dinners were painful events that she had purposely tried to block out of her memory. No, Rory missed Friday night dinners because the one thing worse than these dinners were the phone calls Richard and Emily now expected from her. Rory found that, most of the time, she didn't have the energy required for the proper discussion of events that Emily expected. In addition, Emily would get upset when Rory went a long time without calling her. Since Rory's schedule was so hectic to begin with, Rory soon discovered that, in order to speak with her grandparents at all, she would just have to put up with Emily's occasional complaining.

She missed her best friend Lane, as well as Lane's husband Zack and their twins. Rory had been looking forward to watching the twins get bigger, and demanded frequent picture updates. Lane had taken to sending Rory picture messages to her cell phone. These messages had evolved into frequent pictures from around town. A random picture of the town square. A picture of Taylor loosing it at a town meeting. A picture of a coffee mug from Luke's. A picture of Kirk trying to sell rocks that looked like Jesus in the town square. A picture of Miss Patty inappropriately pinching someone's butt. These small reminders of her home made her miss it a little more and a little less, depending on the day.

Surprisingly, Rory missed her other best friend, Paris. Although sometimes the two behaved more like mortal enemies, Rory had to admit that Paris sort of grew on her. They had known each other for seven years, and Rory couldn't seem to shake the girl. After living with Paris on and off for four years, Rory certainly missed the girl's many eccentricities. (If that was even the correct word to describe Paris.) She also missed Paris's blunt advice. She had never met anyone with the ability to tell it like it is the way Paris does. The two of them spoke occasionally, but it had been difficult with Rory on the road and Paris beginning her first year at Harvard Medical School. The two friends and once roommates had also resorted to email to stay in communication, having abandoned the phone mostly. They only spoke on the phone when a story required the used of tone that could not be conveyed in email.

She was dealing with the whole "living out of a suitcase" thing and eating a lot of fast food quite well, considering. Normally, Rory would have no problem eating junk food. Her mother had raised her on a diet of absolutely no fruit and vegetables. But Rory had _standards_, and McDonald's burgers did not meet those standards. Unfortunately, when on the road, good food was often hard to come by. One thing Rory had learned on the campaign trail is that the United States was not lacking in McDonalds food chains. In addition, most small towns that were not Stars Hollow were severely lacking in good coffee. Rory found that her caffeine withdrawal when cut off from a decent cup of coffee, particularly when added with sleep deprivation from an all night drive on the bus, often caused her to snap at her fellow reporters. Most of them had learned by now to make sure that any food stops they made involved getting Rory some coffee.

The constant movement was hard at first, but Rory found the fast pace invigorating. Rory's entire life up until that moment had been a routine. She went to school, studied hard, all working towards becoming a journalist. Now that she was a _real journalist_ (something, she realized, that real journalists do not refer to themselves as) she thought that her current job was exactly what she needed. It was an adventure. She had little time to stop and think which, above all, was probably the biggest perk of her job. When she stopped to think, she found time to miss him.

It had been exactly one year since Logan Huntzberger, her boyfriend of almost three years, had proposed to her at her graduation party. One year since she had no choice but to decline. And one year since Logan had walked away from her and moved to California. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since, and time had not made it any easier.

Rory felt as though she had no right to miss Logan. After all, she was the one who said no. If she said yes, she wouldn't be missing him at all. She would have followed him to Palo Alto. Rory remembered sitting in her apartment in New Haven, staring at that blue box, urging herself to say yes. She loved Logan. She wanted to be with him. But Rory just couldn't bring herself to do it. If she did, she would have been saying no to all the other job opportunities out there. She probably would have turned down the job covering the Obama campaign, a job that was turning into one of the best experiences that a recent Yale graduate with journalistic aspirations could ask for. And what if she couldn't find a job out in Palo Alto? Rory knew that she wouldn't have to worry about money with Logan, but she refused to become the Huntzberger trophy wife. She wanted to work. Moving across the country to be with her fiancé, with no job prospects, threatened to turn Rory into the person she promised herself she would never become. She had almost turned into that during the semester she dropped out of Yale, and Rory would be damned if that happened again. She couldn't allow herself to get any closer to that life.

Then there was the fact that Rory and Logan had never even discussed their future together before he proposed. The closest they ever came was a conversation about factoring each other in as Rory's graduation from Yale approached. That's not to say that Rory hadn't thought about it. Of course, she often fantasized about what their life would be like if they got married. She once told her mom that Logan might be The One. Towards the end, Rory had stopped worrying about whether or not her relationship with Logan would work. She knew that she loved him, and she felt that she had a future with him. But she always thought that Logan would take longer to get there than she would. This was fine with her, because Rory needed time to plan as well. They needed to have Talks about whether or not they even wanted to get married, because Rory wasn't sure herself. How many kids did they want? How soon? Would Logan be okay if she were an overseas correspondent before they have kids? Would he be okay with her being a working mother? How would he make sure that he didn't overwork himself the way his father had, so that he would always make it home in time for dinner? Would they always live in Palo Alto? What if Rory received a job offer somewhere else that was too good to pass up? These were things she needed to know the answer to, but they were conversations the two of them never had.

Rory knew that all of these little things just added up to the fact that she was scared. She didn't realize how scared she was of marriage until the moment that Logan asked her to be his wife, and she hesitated. Lorelai had told her that her hesitation meant that she wasn't sure of Logan, but that wasn't it at all. Rory had never been surer of Logan. Despite all of the questions she had that needed to be answered, she always figured that in the end the two of them would be able to work something out. It was the idea of marriage itself that had caused her to hesitate. Rory had no idea how to be a wife, much less how to have a husband. She had no real examples to follow. The truth of the matter was, Rory said no because she wasn't ready to say yes yet. She needed more time. She said no not because she didn't want t be with Logan forever. She said no because she had to be the one to say no.

She didn't think that either of them were ready for all the marriage entailed. Rory found justification in this with the fact that they had never once spoken of marriage before. That's not to say that relationships can't work without the proper planning. Lane had married Zack without them ever discussing the future. But Rory and Logan were not Lane and Zack. Rory was a planner. She made lists. Many of her rash decisions, such as the time she went to New York to see Jess, or the time she had stolen a boat with Logan, often resulted in disaster. Rory wasn't about to let marrying Logan become one of those decisions she would live to regret by not thinking and talking about it first.

Part of what made Rory and Logan work was the fact that Logan never planned anything out. Logan was impulsive. He jumped without looking; only realizing the consequences of his actions later. Logan had been the one to encourage Rory to not be afraid of taking risks. But there were some risks that Rory wasn't ready to take. She wasn't ready to jump into marriage with Logan, when there was the possibility that marriage could destroy everything that made the two of them good. She wasn't even sure that Logan had really thought it through before proposing. He seemed so sure that everything would work itself out. How could he not be as afraid as she was? How could be he so calm? Rory had so many fears and doubts, but Logan wasn't like that. To Rory, it seemed that Logan had made the decision that he wanted to marry Rory and asked her a few days later. It was an impulse decision. Rory couldn't marry the man she loved if he was only marrying her on impulse. Marriage was something you needed to think about. Rory needed to be sure that her husband, whoever he was, had fully thought it through first. Yes, Logan may have appeared sure of himself at the time. But was he really?

Rory sighed as she stared out of the bus window at the never ending highway. She had fallen into the trap of thinking about Logan, and now she missed him. She missed the smirk that could make her both incredibly angry and crazy with desire. That smirk always brought a smile to her face, whether he was being particularly arrogant or teasing her incessantly. She missed the way he could always make her laugh, even when she was angry at him. She could never figure out how he could so easily diffuse a tense situation. She missed his calm reassurance when she doubted herself. She missed their easy banter. She missed the way she could feel him smile when he kissed her. She missed the way he swirled the ice cubs in his glass before taking a sip. She missed falling asleep in his arms, and waking up in them the next morning. She missed the way he seemed to charm everyone without any effort at all, although it had taken a bit of work on his part for Logan to finally charm Rory as well. She missed straightening his tie when it was crooked. She missed the way they teased each other. She missed talking to him every day, about nothing and everything. She missed the days that he would surprise her by just showing up, unannounced. She missed making love to him. Not their relationship had been all about sex. But she couldn't deny the fact that she had never wanted anyone the way she wanted Logan. No one had ever been able to bring out that side of her before. She missed how he could keep up with the fast pace and pop culture references that littered her speech. She missed watching him try to figure her out, because Rory was most certainly not like any other girl that Logan had charmed before. She missed the way he'd pretend he wasn't watching her while she read a book on the couch. He always looked away when Rory finally, "noticed," acting as though he hadn't just been staring at her for about ten minutes before she finally put an end to it by, "catching" him. She missed hearing him call her Ace. Even more, she missed the rare occasions when he did call her Rory. He always put so much feeling into her name when he said, like she was the most special person in the whole world. She missed the way he challenged her, every single day.

Rory missed just about everything there was to miss about Logan Huntzberger.

She thought about calling him, several times. When Hugo had first offered her the job, Rory had pulled out her phone to call Logan without even thinking. She was just about to press send when she remembered that she was no longer with Logan, snapping her phone shut again. Rory was sure that Logan didn't want to hear from her, that he didn't care. But every time something big happened, Rory's first impulse was still to call Logan. Occasionally something would happen, and she'd be reminded of some small inside joke between the two of them. A couple of times when the campaign brought her to San Francisco, she thought about asking him to meet her for coffee. But she couldn't bring herself to call him. That would only set her back in her so far unsuccessful attempts to forget him.

Dating prospects were few while on the campaign trail, for which Rory was grateful. She didn't feel ready to be dating anyone just yet. A week into the job, Rory had agreed to have dinner with a reporter named Dave who was also an internet journalist, but the date had been a disaster. It ended with Rory crying over her dessert about how much she missed Logan. Luckily, Dave understood, having just broken up with his girlfriend as well, and the two had become friends. Her second date was even worse. Rory went out for drinks with a photographer named Jake that she met at democratic candidate debate. It had been a month since the breakup, so Rory figured she was safe. Everything was going well, until Rory burst into tears when Jake kissed her goodnight. The second his lips had touched hers, Rory froze. She was suddenly stuck by how his lips were not Logan's. She had shoved him away, the tears falling fast, mumbled a hurried apology, and retreated into her hotel room. Luckily, Jake wasn't on the trail with Senator Obama, so the two never saw or spoke again. When a journalist for a newspaper in Houston (she hadn't bothered to learn his name) asked her to dinner, Rory declined. She recognized that she wasn't ready to date yet. After three years of being in a relationship, Rory needed to focus on being single for a while.

This shift of focus away from a relationship, Rory believed, was responsible for her success out on the campaign trail. Rory put everything she had into her articles. She put an effort into developing friendships with her fellow reporters. As long as Rory didn't stop to think about Logan Huntzberger, Rory was happy with how her life was going. She figured that one day, she wouldn't think about him so much. Eventually, there would be a day when everything did not remind Rory of him. But it would take her time to get over her three year relationship with Logan.

It took Rory a while to even be able to talk to the mutual friends she shared with Logan. Many of them had been his friends first, so Rory had been unsure whether or not any of them even wanted to speak to her. Then one day, a couple of months after Rory joined the Obama campaign trail, Rory received a distressed phone call from a not-so-sober Australian.

"_Rory!" Finn had shouted into the phone, causing Rory to wince slightly at the volume. "Why is it that I haven't heard from you in two months?"_

"_Is that a serious question, or are you just calling to rub it in like an ass?"_

"_What are you talking about, love? It's like you dropped off the face of the earth. I was just at the bar thinking about how I haven't heard from you since graduation. So here I am, calling you, wondering why that is."_

"_I didn't think you'd want to talk to me," Rory said very slowly, as though she were talking to a very stupid child._

"_Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?"_

_Was he being serious? "Finn. Logan and I broke up. He asked me to marry him, and I said no. Then he walked away from me."_

"_So what?"_

"_So what? Finn, why would you still want to talk to me? I broke Logan's heart." She left out the part about him breaking hers in return by walking away. _

"_Rory, my naïve friend, do you honestly think that, after knowing you for three years, I could stop being your friend just because you and Huntzberger have ended your relationship? Now, I have my own opinions on the subject, but as both of your friends, I am not about to share those thoughts with either of you. I'm not putting myself in the middle of that."_

_Rory shook her head. "But Finn – "_

"_No buts, love. Logan may have been my friend first, but I've known you for three years now. I care about your well being just as much as I care about his."_

_That made Rory smile. "I – thanks, Finn. I thought…well, I didn't think any of Logan's friends would want to have anything to do with me after…" She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence._

"_I won't lie to you. Not all of us are particularly thrilled with you at the moment. Colin's being a bit over protective of Logan right now. I won't go into details, but he has said some rather nasty things in anger on occasion. However, you should know that some of us are trying to not take sides. I, for one, do not want to stop being your friend. So I have decided that I won't."_

After that unusual declaration, Rory went on to tell Finn all about her new job, while Finn told Rory all about his latest antics. Rory still wasn't sure what Finn actually did for a living. She wasn't even sure if he worked at all. It comforted Rory to know that Finn hadn't changed one bit since his graduation.

So Rory added Finn to her list of occasional phone calls. Each time they spoke, she was struck by how good of a friend Finn was becoming. She was starting to realize what Logan had seen in the crazy Australian in the first place. Underneath his drunken exterior was a person who could really listen to you. He noticed everything. People told him everything as well, because as someone who was drunk often, most people didn't take Finn seriously. Rory soon realized that Finn wasn't just some drunken idiot. He was a great friend.

They never discussed Logan. She wanted to ask him how he was doing. But like the phone calls never made, Rory couldn't bring herself to ask Finn. And Finn, politely, never brought him up. Logan became the one subject they were never to mention.

Rory smiled as she thought about how much closer she and Finn had become since graduating from Yale. He was a reminder of the good times she'd had there. With the way things ended with Logan, it was sometimes hard for her to look back on her time at Yale without some painful pang in her chest. So many of her memories from Yale were filled with Logan. Becoming close with Finn reminded her that she didn't have to look back on her time with Logan with sadness. Despite the way things ended, Rory couldn't regret one moment of their relationship. Still, it was painful to think about sometimes. Finn helped her to remember the good that came out of it. All that she learned about herself. The ways in which Logan had changed her for the better. The adventures she had.

Yes, Rory was grateful of Finn's kindness. It still shocked her that Finn could be so nice to her, after everything that had happened between her and Logan.

So as she was falling asleep on the campaign bus, one year after she turned down Logan's proposal and he walked out of her life, Rory was a little surprised when her phone started buzzing to see Finn's name flashing across her caller id.

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><p><strong>AN: **Sorry you don't really get any information as to what this story's actually about in this chapter. It was starting to getting a bit too long, and I really needed to set the tone for Rory's mental state before I got to that. Don't worry, you'll find out in the next chapter.


	2. The Phone Call

**A/N:** Wow, I've forgotten what it's like to wake up to reviews in my inbox, as well as the flood of people adding this story to their alerts/favorites. Thank you so much, guys! You've encouraged me to speed up the editing this chapter so I could post it. I can't promise you that all my updates will be this frequent. College keeps me very busy, so I'll probably be doing most of my writing at night before I go to bed. But I'll do my best to keep the updates coming.

Once again, this chapter was getting a bit too long, so I had to split this chapter and the next one in two. Also, there's a lot of dialogue. Many of you will probably be very angry at me for this chapter, but please bear with me.

**Disclaimer: **Gilmore Girls isn't mine. I'm just playing in the sandbox.

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><p><span>Chapter Two – The Phone Call<span>

Rory frowned slightly at her phone as it lit up, Finn's name flashing across the screen. She wasn't quite sure why he'd be calling her now. She didn't think it had anything to do with today's date. Rory had spoken to her mother already that day to wallow over the end of her relationship with Logan. Both Lane and Paris had also called to check in. But Finn wasn't the type to call and make sure she was okay. Also, they never discussed Logan, so he had no way of knowing that she still missed him, a year later. The first time either one of them had mentioned Logan had been a week ago, when Finn let slip that he was at the airport about to board a plane to San Francisco. According to Finn, Logan had called suddenly, asking Finn to come out for a visit so the two could blow off some steam.

She couldn't fathom the purpose of the phone call now. Rory often went several weeks without talking to Finn. A lot of the time, Finn would forget to even return Rory's phone calls. And more importantly, the sun was still up. Most of their conversations occurred at odd hours, such as 6 o'clock in the morning. Finn's odd sleeping habits lent themselves to Rory's hectic schedule.

Rory flipped her phone open and bought it to her ear. "Hey, Finn," she said nonchalantly.

Finn skipped the pleasantries. "You busy, love? Or do you have a minute to talk?"

"Just sitting on the bus. You know, route 80 is very boring. There's very little variation, no matter what state you're in."

"I'm being serious here, Rory."

"Oh." Her frown deepened. "No, I can talk. What's up?"

"It's about Logan."

Rory signed. She hated when Finn was vague. "What about Logan?"

The anger and frustration must have seeped into her voice. "Look, Rory. I need you to stay calm, and listen to everything I have to say before you respond, alright?"

"Finn. You're starting to scare me."

Finn let out a groan of frustration. "Rory. Just…please? I need you to agree to hear me out."

Rory rarely ever agreed to something Finn asked of her without knowing all the details first. But the desperation of his tone told Rory that this wasn't a time to be difficult. She had never heard Finn be so serious before. "Alright. I'll hear you out. Now tell me what's going on."

Finn let out a breath before continuing. "Okay. Well, do you remember last week when I got a phone call from Logan asking me to fly out to San Francisco?"

Rory was silent for a few seconds before she realized Finn was waiting for a response. "Oh! Yeah, I remember. Did you guys get into some sort of trouble? Do I need to bail you out of jail?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Finn paused again. "Well you see, he didn't exactly call me to blow off steam. When I got there, I found out that he was in the hospital for testing."

Rory started to say something, but then remembered that she had promised to let Finn finish what he had to say. Finn stopped talking for a minute as well, recognizing that she was trying to interrupt. "Please continue, Finn," Rory insisted.

"Right. Well. I don't really know any other way to tell you this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. Logan has cancer, Rory."

"What?" Rory practically shouted, nearly dropping her phone in the process. She could hear the sound of her heart beating loudly in her chest. Were hearts supposed to beat that loud?

"Rory – "

"Sorry. Go on."

Finn took yet another deep breath. She pictured him running his fingers through his hair as he tried to find the words to continue. "He's been looking crappy for a while, actually. He's lost a lot of weight, and he started sleeping a lot. We all just thought he was depressed from the break up or something, but apparently he got the flu and it didn't go away. And you know Logan, when has a fever ever stopped him? So he collapsed one day at work – "

"Oh my god!"

" – and so his secretary took him to the hospital. They've been running a lot of tests. Yesterday they diagnosed him with Hodgkin Disease."

Rory took a deep, shuddering breath. "Is…how's he holding up?" she asked hesitantly.

"He's putting up a good front, but I know better. He's really scared right now."

Rory nodded, though she realized that Finn couldn't see her. "Are Mitchum and Shira with him?"

"No, he only called them yesterday after he was diagnosed. Colin and I are here with him now, and Honor. The three of us have been here with him throughout the testing. He didn't want to call the Royal Huntzbergers unless they needed to know."

"Oh," Rory said. It hurt a little to realize that she was on Logan's list of people who didn't need to know right away, but it was to be expected. They hadn't spoken in a year. But it still hurt for her to realize that she didn't make Logan's list of important people to call when something serious happened. Logan had moved on.

"Look, Rory," Finn finally said, breaking her away from her thoughts. "Logan's about to move back east to begin his treatments. He has no one out here. Honor convinced him that it would be best for him to be close to home, since we don't really know how long treatment will last, and he needs to have a support system."

"Logan actually said he needed a support system?"

"Well, not really. That was all Honor, and he couldn't really bring himself to argue with her."

"Oh," she said again. "Okay. Um. Thanks for telling me, I guess."

"Wait. Rory, you're not getting it." Another pause as Rory realized that he was trying to find the words to say the real reason behind his phone call. "Look. I know this is a lot to ask. But I really think that Logan wants you here right now. He'll never say anything. He won't admit it to anyone. But I've known him for a long time now. Colin agrees."

"Colin actually thinks I should come home to visit Logan?" she asked skeptically.

"It was his idea, actually."

There was a rustling sound as the phone was pulled out of Finn's grasp. "Hey, Rory."

"Colin!" Rory said in slight shock. It had been even longer since she'd spoken with Colin.

"Look. I know he wants to see you. He had this far off look when the doctor told him, like he couldn't really process his diagnosis. And he's been writing a lot, all week. He won't let us read it, or tell us what he's writing about. But Honor caught a glimpse of your name, so we all think he's writing things about you. I don't know what it says, but he's hardly even mentioned your name since…well, you know."

"I – " She didn't know how to respond.

"Let me finish. I know I haven't exactly been your biggest fan recently, and I'm sorry about that. I've just been trying to protect my friend's dignity."

"You don't have to explain, Colin. I understand."

"I appreciate that. And…Well, I know that we have no right to ask you this. But…I get the feeling that he doesn't think he'll be able to make it through this. It's like he's given up the fight before it's even started."

Rory frowned. That wasn't the Logan she knew. It didn't sound anything like the man she had fallen in love with.

Colin continued. "We're at the airport right now, on our way to New York. We wanted to call you sooner, but there hasn't been a chance. Honor dragged Logan away to eat something so we could call you and ask you this."

Rory gripped the phone tighter. "You haven't asked me anything yet, Colin. Please, just tell me what you want me to do."

"Right, sorry. Well, the three of us were talking last night while Logan slept, and we think the reason he's given up already is because he misses you. He never thought he'd be able to make it in California alone in the first place. Then he did, so he built up all this confidence. So now that he's hit a road block, it's like he's throwing in the towel. So I guess what I'm asking – what we're _all_ asking, really – is if you could come home to help him through this."

Rory didn't even hesitate. "Yes."

"We'll all understand if that's too much for you – "

"I'll do it."

" – but we really think that seeing you would help him find the will to fight."

"Colin, I'll be there."

"We're not saying you should agree to marry him or anything just to cheer him up. I think just talking to him would help."

"I'll stay as long as he needs me."

"I know he's scared, Rory, but he's not admitting it. He's not talking at all. And it's really scaring us. You're the only person he's ever really opened up to. He needs that now. He needs someone to reassure him that he can do this."

"Colin!" Rory exclaimed. She worried that if she didn't stop him now, he'd go on forever. "Don't worry, I'll come back. Of course I'll come back."

"You will?"

There was another rustling sound as Finn took back his phone. "Thank you, Rory! Listen. Logan has a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon at Sloan Kettering in New York. They'll be discussing treatment options. He's going to move in with Honor and Josh for now, so they can help him out. Honor wouldn't really take no for an answer."

"Okay. Um, I'm not sure when I'll be able to get out there, but I'll come as soon as I can. I'm going to have to call Hugo to tell him I'm leaving – "

"Oh, crap! I'm so sorry, Rory. I didn't even think about you giving up your job. I shouldn't have asked – "

"No, Finn don't even worry about it. I would have come regardless of whether or not anyone wanted me to. I can't stay here after you give me news like that. I need to get out of here. I can't – " her voice caught slightly in her throat. "I couldn't sit here knowing what…what he's going through and not at least try to talk to him."

She heard Finn let out a small breath. "I know you miss him too, even though you never say anything."

She felt a small smile spread over her lips. It was amazing how well Finn had come to know her over the past year of phone calls. She enjoyed this more serious side of Finn almost as much as she enjoyed the one who was known to strip naked and run all over Yale. "Anyway, I'll catch a flight back east as soon as possible. Hopefully I can get out of here by the end of the week at the latest."

"Where are you now?"

"On our way back to Iowa."

"Okay. Email me your flight info when you have it, and I'll meet you at the airport." There was a pause. "I've got to go now, I can see Honor and Logan coming back, and our flight will be boarding soon."

"No problem. I'll talk to you soon. And Finn? Thanks for calling me."

"Of course, love. Did you honestly think I wouldn't call you?" She didn't have a chance to answer before Finn hung up the phone. Logan must have made it within earshot. She assumed that Finn did not want him to know they had called her just yet.

As Rory closed her phone slowly, she realized that she was crying silently. Logan had cancer. This was far worse than the time he jumped off the cliff and nearly broke ever bone in his body when his parachute barely opened. There was the possibility that Logan could never recover. She could watch him deteriorate until there was nothing left. He might never know why she said no to him one year ago. That thought terrified her. What if he thought she said no because she had fallen out of love with him?

The weight of her phone call with Finn lay heavily on her chest, and Rory didn't know how to lift it. She'd never known anyone to be diagnosed with cancer before. She didn't know how to handle it. What are you supposed to do? Rory was a list maker. Was there a list to be made when your ex boyfriend is diagnosed with cancer?

Rory stared at her phone, unsure of what she should do next. She needed to talk to Hugo, but she didn't think that was a phone call she was ready to make yet. Not until she had a chance to calm down first. She needed to call the airline to get a flight to New York, but she couldn't do that until she talked to Hugo. She could call her mother, but she didn't think hysterical sobbing was a good idea on the bus, surrounded by the eyes and ears of prying reporters. And she couldn't exactly have a conversation about Logan Huntzberger's medical ailments here. Logan might not work for HPG anymore, but he was still a Huntzberger. She wasn't about to be the one who broke the news that Mitchum Huntzberger's son had been diagnosed with cancer.

Cancer. That word sent a shudder through her.

Suddenly, Dave sat down in the seat next to her, looking concerned. "Okay, what's wrong?"

She looked at Dave. He was not the first person she wanted to discuss this with, but she needed to tell someone. She needed to lift this burden off of her chest and onto someone else's. Rory had no more answers, and Dave knew enough about her past with Logan for him to be able to help her.

Rory whipped her eyes quickly, sniffing slightly. She glanced around, checking to make sure none of the other reporters were paying them any close attention. "You remember…who my ex boyfriend is, don't you?" she asked softly. "Don't say his name, just nod or shake your head."

Dave nodded.

"I just got a phone call from one of our mutual friends. He's been diagnosed with cancer."

"Oh my god!"

"Not so loud!" Rory looked around nervously, making sure they weren't drawing anyone's attention. "We're on a bus full of reporters, this could be considered news!"

"Sorry." Dave placed his hand on her arm with a look of concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm – " Rory was about to say that she was fine, but she couldn't bring herself to form those words. She shrugged instead. "He's flying back home to meet with another doctor and discuss treatment options. And…I need to get out of here."

Dave nodded, having understood completely. "Sure. If that happened to Aly, I wouldn't hesitate to leave."

It took a moment for Rory to remember that Aly was Dave's ex girlfriend. "Right. Well the thing is…I need to make a few phone calls so I can get this sorted out as soon as possible. But, you know, I can't exactly talk about this here…"

"Right." Dave looked around quickly before turning back to her. "Why don't you head into the bathroom? I'll keep a lookout, and if anyone tries to go inside I'll tell them that you're making a personal phone call so they don't bother you."

Rory smiled faintly. "Thanks, Dave. You're a great friend."

"Don't mention it. And hey," Dave pulled her into hug, and Rory had to fight to hold back her tears. "It's all going to be okay."

Rory wasn't sure whether or not she believed him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Please don't hate me! I'm sure many of you don't understand why I gave Logan cancer. I promise that I'm not trying to kill him off or anything to make Rory go through some emotional realization. There are many reasons I decided to write a story where Logan gets sick. Many of those reasons are personal. But in addition, I haven't really seen it done before. That's probably why I couldn't get this story out of my head. The purpose of this is not to make Rory go through something painful, but the journey the two of them will now have to go through. I promise you, I have a lot planned for these two in coming chapters.

Feedback is welcome, but not required.


	3. No Attractive Flight Attendants

**A/N:** This update is coming much sooner than I had originally planned, but since I have a busy day tomorrow, I decided I'd post it tonight rather than waiting until tomorrow. Also, I'm not sure when I'll have time to post the next chapter after this. It's finished, but I might not have time to edit it for a while.

**Disclaimer:** Gilmore Girls isn't mine. Although sometimes I wish it was.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Three – No Attractive Flight Attendants<span>

As Rory closed the door to the small bathroom in the back of the bus, she immediately decided who she needed to call first. It was so obvious that she was surprised it took her so long to think of it. There was only one person who could give her the answers she so desperately needed.

She sat down on the closed toilet seat lid, dialing Paris's phone number. As it rang, she realized that she had no idea whether or not Paris had class at the moment. Was Paris finished with classes for the semester? There was a good chance her voicemail would pick up; leaving Rory with the prospect of having to call Hugo and tell him she was leaving.

"What happened, Gilmore?" Paris said bluntly, skipping any greeting.

"How do you know something's wrong, Paris? Maybe I just called to say hello."

"Did you?"

"Well…no."

"That's what I thought. We never talk on the phone anymore, so I figured something must have happened. Are you okay?"

Rory sighed. There was no use hiding anything from Paris. She always saw through any façade immediately. Even over the phone. "Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally, not so much."

"Well, spit it out already. I haven't got all day."

"Okay." Rory took a deep breath before continuing. She found herself having the same trouble Finn must have had when he called her. "I just got off the phone with Finn. Logan has cancer."

When Paris didn't say anything Rory continued. "So. I'm uh, I'm leaving the campaign bus. To see him. Or, I don't know. Stay with him for as long as he needs me. I guess."

"Do you know what kind of cancer it is?" Paris asked.

"Finn said…Hodgkin Disease, I believe? That's all I know, really. He's flying to New York now, and he's seeing a doctor at Sloan Kettering." Rory's voice caught in her throat, but she continued. "He's staying with Honor for now. And…Colin and Finn said that he's sort of accepted his fate. I don't know…I just need to be there with him." Rory brushed her hair back behind her ears with her free hand, trying to calm its shaking.

"Okay," Paris finally said. "Well, the good news is that Hodgkin's is very treatable, as long as they caught it early enough. It's a pretty common form of cancer in people our age. They'll probably start him off with either chemo or radiation, depending on what the doctor thinks is best. There are a couple other options they have if that doesn't work, but without any more information, I can't tell you what will happen. There's no telling how long the treatment process will take, but Logan's young and relatively healthy, despite the large amount of alcohol he drinks on a regular basis. His body shouldn't have too many problems fighting it. And Sloan Kettering is one of the best cancer treatment facilities in the country, so he should be in good hands."

"Really?" Rory felt her eyes begin to fill up with tears, but she held them back.

"Yeah. Logan's a fighter. He's not going down without a fight."

"I don't know," Rory said hesitantly. "Colin and Finn made it sound like Logan didn't care one way or another about his treatment. Like he didn't care if he lived or died. They sounded really worried that he'd just give up."

"Oh, that's a bunch of crap. You'll go there and snap Logan out of it. You won't let him give up."

Rory couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "Thanks, Paris. I really needed to hear all of that."

"Don't even worry about it. How are you holding up, anyway?"

That was a good question. "I'm…processing. Making mental lists of what needs to be done so I can get out of here as quickly as possible. I haven't had a chance to just sit down and fully think about it. I'm sure it'll all hit me sometime soon."

"You'll be okay, Rory. You can help Logan get through this. Listen, I've got to get going, but let me know when you get to New York. I can head down for a weekend if you need me. Where are you staying, anyway?"

"I actually have no idea. I'll figure it out when I get there." It was then that Rory realized that this was the first time in her life when she didn't have any real plan, but that fact didn't bother her.

"Well, just let me know. Call if you need anything."

"Thanks, Paris. I will. Bye."

* * *

><p>Rory was surprised at how easy her phone call with Hugo was. Her editor was more than understanding, willing to help her out in any way she needed.<p>

"Of course," he told her almost the second she finished explaining the situation to him. "Of course you need to leave right away. Go ahead and get the next flight out that you can."

Rory smiled gratefully. It probably helped that Hugo knew Logan, so she didn't need to explain anything more to him. While he didn't know the details of the way their relationship had ended, Hugo seemed to understand Rory's desperation to be there for Logan now.

"Thank you _so much_, Hugo!" Rory said sincerely. "It really means a lot to me."

"Not a problem. Listen, don't worry about anything. Email me your last article when it's finished, and don't even worry about covering tonight's event."

"Are you sure?" Rory questioned. She felt a little guilty about skipping out on work so suddenly. "I can stay to take notes and get a flight out first thing in the morning. It's no problem, honestly."

"You could, but what are the chances that I'd actually get a decent article out of you tonight? Seriously, you're stories have been excellent this past year. No need to end it on something not up to your usual standards."

Rory couldn't argue with that sentiment. "Thanks again, really. I'm so sorry to be bailing on you like this." And she did feel guilty. She had called Hugo to tell him she was leaving with no notice. She didn't expect her boss to be so easy going about the whole situation. She was a little sad that she wouldn't be able to stay with the campaign until the election in November, but not enough to actually stay. Logan was more important than following the presidential candidate around for another six months.

"Real life doesn't get put on hold for the sake of news, Rory. Sometimes, these things happen. We'll miss one event, maybe two. They can't be too different from the hundreds of other events you've been covering for a year. I'll find a replacement as soon as I can, but it's not for you to worry about. In the mean time, I'd really love it if you could go back to writing freelance."

"Of course, I'm more than happy to." Rory knew full well that she'd need to do _something _until she found another job. Whenever she got around to looking, that is. Having no idea how long she'd be in New York, it was difficult to judge. Logan might be better in a couple of months. It might take years. She might get there and find that Logan didn't want to see or speak to her, a thought she didn't want to even contemplate.

There was a very real possibility that Rory was giving up her dream job for nothing. But if there is one thing Logan taught her, it's that you need to take risks sometimes. Going home to help Logan through the recovery process was such a no brainer that Rory didn't even consider it a risk. Her heart was the real thing at risk. She could very well get her hear broken again, whether or not she intended to give it back to Logan. She was returning to him without any romantic expectations, but Rory had a tendency to give her heart to people accidentally, without even realizing it.

"Also, I'll help you find another job when you're ready. Recommendations, contacts. Seriously, whatever you need. You've been an excellent reporter. I'm sad to lose your incite on this campaign, but these things happen."

"I cannot thank you enough, Hugo. Seriously, you've been a huge help to me."

"Any time, Rory. Call me when you have your fight information, so I know that you're no longer with the bus. And keep me posted on Logan, okay?"

"I will." Rory pushed the end button on her cell phone, and a slight sense of relief washed over her. She had been most worried about getting out of work so she could go back to Logan in the first place. Now that she had that hurdle taken care of, the weight of having to tell her mother settled heavily on her chest.

It wasn't that she was afraid of how Lorelai would react. She knew that her mom would be supportive of her decision. The issue was that, so far, Rory hadn't let herself get too emotional about the situation. Explaining everything to Paris, Hugo, and even Dave had been almost clinical. The second she told Lorelai, Rory would have no choice but to _think_ about Logan. What she'd say to him. Losing him for real, if none of the treatments worked. The possibility of watching him deteriorate until there was nothing left of him. Rory wasn't sure if she was ready to face that just yet.

She didn't have to. At that moment, a fist knocked lightly on the door.

"Rory?" Dave's voice questioned. "Hey, we're here."

She looked down at her phone. It had been two hours since Finn had called her. She hadn't noticed how much time had passed. After a slight pause, Rory unlocked the door to Dave's worried face.

"Thanks," she said, rubbing her temples slightly and releasing a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "I'm not going in, though."

Dave nodded in understanding as Rory continued.

"My editor told me to head back now. I'm just going to call the airline and book the next available flight home. I'll get a cab to the airport."

"You sure you don't want to stay? Drink some coffee? Try to calm down a bit."

Rory was sure. "I can't stay here. I need to keep moving forward."

Dave smiled sadly. "I'll miss you, Rory. I hope everything works out." He gave her a quick hug before turning around, grabbing his things, and exiting the bus with the other reporters.

* * *

><p>Rory sat in the airport bar, one of the few places still opened. She had been lucky enough to get a seat on the last fight of the night to Newark. Once the airline emailed her the flight details, she had forwarded her itinerary to Finn from her phone. Finn must have been checking his email from the plane, because she received a response almost immediately.<p>

_Rory – _

_You land a few hours after we do. Excellent. I'm telling Logan that my father is passing through and wants to meet me for drinks. I'll meet you at the airport instead. Honor doesn't think it would be a good idea for you to come back to her place tonight. Logan hasn't been sleeping much lately, and has snapped at all of us multiple times. It's best we let him get a good night's sleep in before we spring any more unexpected surprises on him. Don't worry though. Honor says you can use Mitchum's suite at the Plaza. She's already spoken with the hotel, so it's all taken care of. We can talk about all the other details tonight._

_Hope your flight is better than ours is going. I've had absolutely no alcohol, and it's completely rubbish. And none of the flight attendants are particularly attractive, so I don't have a single distraction. Although there's a pretty redhead I spotted when I got up to use the bathroom, but she was sitting in Economy, all the way in the back of the plane. Luckily, the food in first class is somewhat decent. I've been amusing myself by seeing how many roasted nuts I can throw at Colin before he gets angry and yells at me. _

_I'll see you soon._

– _Finn _

She smiled slightly as she read through his email a second time. Trust Finn to attempt to add some comedy into such a dark situation.

Rory turned back to the part of the email where Finn mentioned she wouldn't be seeing Logan right away, frowning. Of course, she hadn't really expected to see him tonight anyway. She was getting in late. Honestly, Rory wasn't sure what she was even trying to do. However, she wasn't entirely comfortable with hiding herself away from Logan so as not to upset him. The idea made her question her decision to leave her job in the first place. Who was she kidding? Would Logan even want her help at all? Here she was, giving up everything just to help Logan survive, and she had to hide from him in some hotel suite. It didn't seem right to her.

She shook herself slightly, trying to clear her head of the doubt. She was never good at that. She could never reassure herself that the decisions she made were the right ones. She'd second guess them over and over again, until one of her pro/con lists tipped the scales in a direction that made her best choice of action clearer. What's worse is when she _wasn't_ second guessing herself, she would stubbornly stick by her decision, despite all evidence that she could be wrong. Logan had always been the one to calmly reassure her that everything would be okay. But she didn't have him to sooth her now. In fact, if he even wanted to see her in the first place, she needed to be the one to sooth him instead.

Rory finished off the rest of her drink in one gulp, tossed some bills on the bar, grabbed her things, and headed towards her gate. The flight would be boarding soon, meaning that Rory had run out of time to call her mother. It was now or never.

As the phone rang, Rory wasn't sure whether or not she wanted Lorelai to pick up or let the phone go to voicemail. She was still debating the possible outcomes of each decision when the ringing stopped.

"Gilmore House of Fun: we provide at _any_ means necessary. How may I direct your call?"

Rory couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. "_Any_ means necessary? Got a couple of prostitutes who know how to show a girl a _real_ good time?"

She heard Lorelai snort. "_Please!_ That's like a Tuesday!"

"Well, fine. It that's too easy, how about we just go with the usual delivery? A hundred pounds of pixie sticks, and make it snappy! I need that sugar pronto!"

"Planning on having a bit of a sugar rush, huh?"

"You know me. I'm always up for a good food coma."

Their easy banter continued, partially because Rory was putting in the effort to _make_ it continue. But distracting Lorelai from the real purpose of Rory's call was short lived. The sound of the loud speaker announcing the boarding of the next gate over snapped Lorelai out of their bit.

"What was that?" her mother asked. "Are you at the airport? Rory, what's going on?"

Rory sighed. It was good while it lasted. "Yes, I'm at the airport."

"Why, did something happen? Are you okay? Are you going somewhere? I thought you were in Iowa tonight?"

"Well…" Where should be again. "Yes, I was supposed to be in Iowa, but I'm currently at the airport waiting for my flight to Newark to board. I'm not hurt or anything." Rory was evading the question on purpose, trying to avoid the moment where she'd have to form the words to say exactly what was wrong.

"Rory, you're scaring Mommy. Please tell me what's going on."

She sighed again. "I got a call from Finn today."

"No story that starts out with a call from Finn is ever good."

"This one is particularly bad." She paused, waiting for Lorelai to cut in. When she didn't, Rory continued. "It's about Logan."

"Is he okay? He didn't fall off another cliff again, did he?"

"No, he's not quite that stupid." What she wanted to say is that she almost wishes he _had_ fallen off another cliff. The outcome might be better.

"Kid, will you stop beating around the bush and tell me already? You're freaking me out a little."

"Sorry. I'm trying, I'm just having a hard time saying it." Rory paused for a few seconds, gathering her courage to say the sentence. "Logan has _cancer_, Mom."

She heard Lorelai let out the breath she was holding. "Oh, _hun_."

It all came rushing out after that. "I got a call from Finn because Logan had asked him to come for a visit. Finn thought it was about blowing off some steam, but really Logan was in the hospital. Colin and Honor were there. And he has cancer. _Cancer_, Mom!" The tears started falling, and Rory didn't make any attempts to stop them. "So they're all going back to New York so Logan can begin treatment or something. And I didn't even think about it, Mom. They were telling me that Logan seems really defeated, like he's not even going to fight it. That's not him! How can he not try to fight it? And…I don't know, Colin was asking me to come and help him through this, but in my head I was already making plans to be there. I didn't even need to think about it, I just did it."

"Of course you did, babe."

"He could _die_, Mom! He could actually die! I think about the last time I got a phone call telling me Logan was in the hospital, and being worried that I'd lose him, and this is ten times worse! What if I just come back and watch him _die!_? Or he's so mad that I said no that he wants nothing to do with me? What if I never get to explain to him why I had to say no? Or what if he wants me to stay, but I don't know how to help him? Oh god, I can't do this! I can't go back there and watch him die! And I can't stay away while he dies either!"

All the reassurances Paris had given her earlier in the day had gone out the window. The last few hours had given Rory plenty of time to question everything, and just enough time to panic. She stopped making any sense as her thoughts jumbled together, spewing out as never ending word vomit.

"Rory, you need to take a deep breath and calm down," Lorelai said, successfully ending Rory's crazed rant. She took several deep breaths before Lorelai continued. "First of all, you need to stop thinking like he's going to die. That train of thought won't get you anywhere. It won't be helpful to Logan, and it's certainly not going to help you deal with this. If you keep thinking like he's not going to make it before the recovery process has even started, well then you might as well start picking out coffins or something. Really, you need to have a positive attitude going into this."

"I know," Rory said, slightly defeated. "I _know._ Colin and Finn already told me that Logan's feeling pretty defeated. And I talked to Paris."

"Paris, _good!_ What did Paris say?"

"Um, she said that, as long as they caught it early, he has a pretty good shot. He has um…Hodgkin disease? I don't really know what that means, but Paris told me that it's pretty treatable."

"Well, I'd listen to Paris for now, kid. At least until you have some more information."

"Okay. You're right. I just…Now that I'm sitting here in the airport, I'm starting to freak out a little. Everything's happening so fast. I was about to head into another event only a few hours ago. Now look where I am!" Rory hesitated before asking her mom the question that was troubling her the most. "What if Logan's still mad at me and doesn't want to see me?"

"Rory – "

"It could happen!"

"Trust me, hun. He might be mad at you, but I'm sure he'll be grateful you came to see him."

Rory bit her lip, switching her phone to the other ear. "You're probably right about that too. Colin _may_ have mentioned something to that extent. Something about him wanting to see me but refusing to admit it."

"See? It's all going to be okay, Rory."

"And if it's not?"

Lorelai took a moment before she responded. "If it's not, you'll figure it out when it happens. There's no use in you worrying about it now, though."

Just then, Rory noticed the line of people waiting to board her flight. "Listen, mom, I've gotta go. My flight's boarding. I'll call you in the morning."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, kid. Try to get some sleep tonight."

"I will. Love you."

Rory closed her phone, trying to relax the tension that had built in her neck a bit before gathering her things and boarding the plane.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Another chapter with a lot of dialogue. I wanted to give you an idea of Rory's mentality before getting into this next chapter. She's a bit emotional right now, so I hope you got a sense of that.

Hopefully I can get you the next chapter within the next few days. As always, reviews are appreciated, but not required. They are, however, a healthy incentive for me to find the time to write and edit my next few chapters. I have a lot planned, with very little time to actually write it.


	4. Bed The Size of a Country

**A/N: **I come bearing a new chapter! Once again, I had to split this chapter and the next one up because they were getting too long. I seem to have that problem a lot, don't I? Anyway, Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Gilmore Girls isn't mine. It's just fun to play with.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Four – Bed The Size of a Country<span>

Rory found herself staring blankly out the window for the majority of her three hour flight from Des Moines, Iowa to Newark, New Jersey. That is to say, she stared off into the night, because there wasn't really anything to look at while the sun was down.

Rory had been lucky to get a seat on a nonstop flight. There were very few flights to the New York area that did not require a stopover of some kind, usually in Chicago. But Rory did not want to deal with a layover. If she took one of those flights, she wouldn't have slept all night. She would have arrived early the next morning, severely caffeine and sleep deprived. Somehow, she did not think those were the ideal circumstances to be dealing with anyone, let along Finn, Colin, or Honor. Especially not Logan.

So in the end, Rory had shelled out the extra money required to get a seat on the last nonstop flight of the night. Of course, the only seat available had been first class. She was more than willing to put the flight on her credit card, although she winced slightly while making the charge.

She was grateful to be sitting in first class at the moment, instead of cramped in some middle seat in economy. She had a large seat with no one sitting next to her. She reveled in the quiet, empty first class cabin. The relative silence and the bad coffee helped to clear her thoughts. Rory had originally tried and failed to sleep for a bit. When that didn't work, she tried to read a book she picked up at one of the airport shops. (She didn't have any books with her on the campaign bus. Another fact that had been difficult at first, but unfortunately books took up too much space when you're on the road for an undetermined amount of time. Occasionally she'd buy a new release that she desperately wanted to read, only to immediately ship it home to Stars Hollow so she wouldn't have to carry it around.) When the book failed to hold her attention, Rory had curled her legs up under her and assumed her current position of staring out the window.

She glanced at her watch, realizing that they would begin their decent soon. Minutes later, the flight attendant instructed them to secure their tray tables, fasten their seatbelts, and bring their seats back up. Rory finished the contents in her cup, handed the garbage to the flight attendant collecting, and put her tray table away. She then returned her book to the bag that contained the "I heart Iowa" coffee mug and the Iowa State University t-shirt that she bought in the Des Moines airport for Logan. She had wanted to buy him a gift of some sort, but her options were limited in the tiny gift shop. While browsing the gift shop, Rory came across a picture of Senator Obama on the front cover of an Iowa newspaper. The picture was taken at an event a couple of weeks ago. Looking closely at the picture, Rory could just make out her face in the background, among a sea of other reporters. Smiling, Rory had grabbed the newspaper and added it to her pile of gifts. She placed the book next to the newspaper and Logan's other gifts, also adding a miniature bottle of overpriced scotch that she purchased from the flight attendant. Rory was pleased with how her impromptu gift bag had turned out.

She was trying to take her moms advice and not dwell on the negative of the situation. Worrying about all the horrible outcomes weren't going to help anyone. This was the time for Rory to be strong. In their relationship, Logan had always been the one to be strong, especially the year following his graduation from Yale. In her opinion, Logan had really come into his own at that time. He confidentially made decisions. When her grandfather had another heart attack, Logan stepped in with ease and took control of the hectic situation, effectively calming her down. He erased many of her fears about the two of them being apart during the time he was in London. Of course, Logan still screwed up. But when he did, he no longer needed as big of a push to get back on his feet. He was capable of that all on his own now.

And now, Rory had to be the stronger of the two. Breaking up didn't change the fact that he needed someone to push him through this. And Logan was stubborn, Rory knew that. He wasn't going to take emotional support from just anyone. Rory hoped that, despite their year apart, Logan would accept her shoulder to lean on. If he didn't, she was worried that he might close himself off from everyone completely.

Colin and Finn had been right in that aspect. Logan needed her now, at the very least for someone to talk to. She was positive that Logan never called upon his two friends to discuss anything resembling feelings. Colin and Finn were the kind of friends who bailed you out of jail, not the people you talked to about what a disappointment your father thinks you are, and how that makes you feel. And his parents…well, Rory didn't think Logan had ever given them a hug, much less opened up to them about his feelings. It wasn't that Logan was unemotional. Once Rory broke through his many layers, he had no problem talking to her about anything. But Logan was the kind of person who played his emotions close to the chest, hiding them behind his charming smile. From what Colin and Finn had told her, Rory was under the impression that Logan hadn't so much as smiled since being diagnosed. He certainly wasn't talking to either of them about it. Rory supposed that Honor could eventually get him to talk, but she doubted he would feel comfortable doing that.

No, Rory would have to be the one to get him to open up. Admit to himself that he's scared. Rory might have her own personal reasons for wanting to see Logan again, but those would have to be put aside in favor of whatever it is that Logan needs. And she was okay with that. If staying only long enough to talk some sense into him was what Logan wanted, than Rory would leave and never look back. What mattered now was making sure that he got better. She had to keep him fighting.

As Rory came to this realization, she suddenly became aware of the fact that her plane had landed. The other first class passengers were gathering their things and exiting the plane, and so Rory followed suit.

* * *

><p>Finn was waiting for her just outside security holding a sign that said, "Reporter Girl," a chauffer's hat sitting on his head. Rory couldn't help but grin. Despite the circumstances, it was good to see him again. She hadn't realized how much missed the eccentric Australian.<p>

"Finn!" Rory exclaimed. She picked up the pace, closing the distance quickly, and threw her arms around him in a welcoming hug. She heard Finn laughing slightly, returning the hug warmly.

Breaking the hug, Finn held Rory at arm's length, examining her carefully. "Do I know you?" he asked, causing a giggle to escape Rory's mouth. "No, seriously. Do I? You don't exactly look different. Just…maybe a bit more confident."

"Do I? Huh." Rubbing elbows with other journalists for the past year had certainly helped Rory become more assured in her writing abilities, but she didn't really feel too confident at the moment. After breaking down on the phone to her mother, it had taken her most of the flight to calm herself completely.

"How are you doing, love?" Finn finally asked, taking hold of her laptop bag as they made their way to baggage claim. His tone was more serious than she'd ever heard it before.

Rory shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I mean, as good as I can possibly be, under the circumstances."

"I know the feeling. God, I need a drink! I haven't had even a sip of alcohol since I got to California. How do you normal people go this long without a drink?"

"Lots and lots of coffee," Rory insisted. She spotted her suitcase on the turnstile and pulled it off. This Finn also took as they began walking towards the parking garage.

"I'll take your word for it," he said, spotting the small bottle of scotch in Rory's shopping bag. He made a grab for it, but Rory smacked his hand before he could reach.

"Hey! That's not for you, it's for Logan. I'll get you one when you contract a potentially fatal illness."

"I'll be sure to remember that when my liver eventually fails."

As they entered the garage, Rory realized that Finn's car probably wasn't even here. Whatever he did for work kept him travelling a lot, and she was pretty sure that he was still based in New Haven. Newark, New Jersey was decidedly not in Connecticut.

"Finn?" she asked. "Are you actually driving?"

"God no!" he laughed. "I borrowed the number for Huntzberger's driver. And by 'borrowed' I mean I took the number out of his cell phone and called Frank myself. Technically, Logan's been cut off from access to a driver after leaving HPG, but I decided that now would be an exception."

"You can't just say that Honor is using the driver?"

"I probably could, if I thought of that. You're smart. You should be a reporter."

She rolled her eyes as Frank took her bags and placed them in the trunk of the car. Rory smiled at him politely as she climbed into the back of the limo with Finn.

Almost immediately, Finn grabbed a bottle of whisky from the fully stocked bar, downing most of the contents in one gulp. He sighed in relief, settling back into his seat as Frank pulled the car out of the garage and onto the highway.

"So, explain to me what's going on," Rory asked. "Am I staying at the Plaza just for tonight? Should I eventually go back to Stars Hollow? When will I get to see Logan?"

"Too many questions! It's too early for all these questions."

"Finn, it's one in the morning! You're the most awake at this hour."

"Alright, then I'm too sober for these questions." Finn took another large gulp of the whisky before continuing. "It really all depends on how Logan reacts. I'm almost certain he wants to see you, in which case Honor will probably insist you stay in one of their spare bedrooms. I'll come 'round the Plaza in the morning to collect you and take you back to Honor and Josh's apartment. I guess we'll just play it by ear from there."

"_You_ will come get me?" Rory asked skeptically. "In the morning? When the _sun_ is out?"

"Alright, _Colin_ will come get you."

"Doesn't he still hate me?"

"Not really." Finn took another swig of the whisky. "I think he let whatever anger he still held go when we saw Logan in the hospital."

"Was it that bad?"

"I think it was worse than the time he jumped off the cliff, only because at first we didn't know what was wrong. And then after that, knowing didn't make it any better." Finn shuddered slightly, taking another large gulp of whisky. Had it been anyone else, Rory would probably suggest that they slow down on the liquor. But she knew better than to suggest that to Finn. Finn needed the alcohol to get back to his usual, joking self. He'd been far too serious for too many days.

Rory let Finn ramble on for a while, telling some story about his antics from his latest trip to Australia. Although she occasionally made a comment, Rory wasn't really paying any attention. The effects of her overly emotional day were finally starting to wear thin on her. She was exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into the bed in the Huntzberger's suite and go to sleep for hours.

They finally arrived at the Plaza, and Finn helped her take her things up to the suite. She knew where it was, having been there a few times before with Logan. She appreciated the sentiment, though. Finn wasn't normally the "walk girls to the door" type of guy. She had a feeling that Finn was only behaving so gentlemanly because, if Logan were to find out that Finn did not see her safely upstairs, Finn would be missing a few organs that he rather enjoyed having attached to the rest of his body. While Rory had no clues as to whether or not Logan hated her right now, she knew for a fact that Logan wouldn't like hearing that Finn had just dumped her at the hotel and left her there. After all, Logan was still a gentleman.

The goodbye and handing over of the room key was all a bit of a blur as Rory stumbled into the suite exhausted. She dropped her bags in the bedroom, pulled out a clean pair of pajamas, tossed her dirty clothes on the floor, and collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.

* * *

><p>Rory awoke the next morning to the sun streaming through the window. Having forgotten to close the curtain, the bedroom of the suite was filled with light. Rory groaned, pulling the covers firmly over her head. She stayed hidden for a couple of minutes before finally giving in and sitting up in bed.<p>

She had never been in the Huntzberger's suite without Logan before, and Rory was suddenly struck by how empty it was without his presence. The bed seemed like it was a country larger. Everything was too tidy. Coffee hadn't been made yet. With a sigh, Rory dragged herself into the kitchen to start the coffee machine, and then grabbed her toiletries bag, shuffling into the bathroom to take a shower.

Twenty minutes later, Rory was standing in a bathrobe, a mug of coffee in hand, frowning down at her suitcase as her wet hair dripped down her back. Her clothing was becoming an issue. She could not solve her current predicament on her own.

"Dragonfly Inn, Lorelai speaking," her mother said as she answered the phone at the front desk of the Inn.

"What does one wear when you're about to see the ex boyfriend whose marriage proposal you turned down a year ago, when said ex boyfriend has been diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness?" Rory asked.

"Well," Lorelai said. "I'd go with some lingerie. Nothing says, 'get well soon' like a strip tease."

"_Mom!_"

"What? I'm sure a free show would cheer him _right_ up."

"I'm being serious here. I'm looking at my suitcase, and almost all the clothes I have with me is business attire. There are a couple of cocktail dresses, also not appropriate. And some jeans and t-shirts, which is way too casual for the look I'm trying to pull off. I wasn't prepared for the seeing of the ex boyfriend here!"

"Well, what kind of message do you want to be sending, kid?"

"I don't know." Rory ran her fingers through her damp hair. "Something that says, 'hey, I'm doing fine without you, but I really really miss you, so will you please talk to me again, and also I hope that you to get well soon.'"

"That's some chatty clothing. But let's rewrite the message a bit. I'm thinking, 'please jump my bones right now.'"

"Mom!" Rory warned again.

"Are you telling me that's _not_ what you want?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

"That's pretty much all your options, kid."

Rory sighed. "I'm not really expecting anything out of him. I don't even know if I'm still in love with him anymore. What I _do_ know is that I need him to be okay, and I want him to still be in my life. That's about all the answers I have for you right now. So I really need your help with this _right now!_ I'm going over there soon; I don't have time to buy anything else."

Lorelai paused for a moment before answering. "Go with a nicer pair of jeans, your most casual dressy top, and blazer over it. Nicer shoes, no heels."

"Okay," she said as she pulled the appropriate clothing out of her suitcase. "Thanks, Mom. I've gotta go finish getting ready. I'll call you later?"

"You better, I feel like I'm only getting bits and pieces of everything that's happened, here. Love you, kid. Good luck with everything."

Rory was just putting her shoes on when she heard a knock at the door. Grabbing the coffee mug that was filled with her third cup of coffee, Rory opened the door and let Colin inside.

"Hey," she said, giving him a rather awkward hug before taking a sip of coffee. "I'm almost ready, just give me a second." Rory drained her mug quickly, went into the bathroom to brush her teeth again, and grabbed her blazer before meeting Colin in the entryway again. He stood in the same spot as before with his hands in his pockets awkwardly, avoiding her gaze

The awkwardness of Colin's actions angered her slightly. "Look, can you just say whatever it is that's on your mind so we can move on already? Just tell me why it is you're mad at you hate me so we can go back to being friends again. I don't have the patience to deal with this."

Colin shrugged. "It's not really that I hate you. I'm just mad that you hurt Logan. You got to go off and live your life without dealing with the aftermath. You didn't have to deal with the drunken rants or the constant trips to California to make sure he wasn't becoming a recluse. Not an easy task when you're in Law School. And yeah, it was hard not to hate you while sitting on the plane, or while listening to all the nasty things he said about you."

Rory winced. "Does he really hate me that much?" she whispered.

"Honestly? No. I don't think he actually meant any of the stuff he said. He was just trying to vent. Eventually, the rants lessened, and stopped all together. I think that, at the time, he was just trying to find reasons to hate you so he couldn't miss you."

Rory nodded. She had gone through a similar period of Logan bashing post breakup. Of course, she knew Logan hadn't told Colin any of this straight out. It was all conjecture. But she had a good feeling that Colin was correct in his analysis.

"Why are you telling me all this? I mean, the stuff about him missing me. You could have just let me believe he hates me."

"I guess, because you asked. And I think, especially now, that you have a right to know." Colin paused. "I still don't like that you hurt him, but I can look past it and not stay mad at you."

"Would it help you to know that he hurt me just as much as I hurt him?"

That made Colin crack a smile. "Yeah, a bit."

Rory smiled in return. "Okay, _good_. I didn't want it to be awkward between us. I miss talking to all of you, and I hate feeling like everyone had to 'choose sides' or something. I mean, of course you would all choose Logan over me. You were his friend first. It just sucked feeling like I was never really any of your friends in the first place."

"Trust me, you've taken me home from the bar drunk one too many times for me to ever say that you were not my friend. I believe that you had to drag me away from a lamppost that I decided was my new girlfriend once."

"Well, who can blame you? She had great legs. But the way you were kissing her was just not appropriate for a public setting."

Colin laughed. Any tension between them had dissolved completely with her comments. "So, you ready to go?"

"Yes. Um…should I bring my things with me? Or would that be a bit forward to assume I'd be staying at Honor's."

"I say we be optimistic," said Colin, picking up the suitcase sitting on the floor as Rory grabbed her other bags. "I'm pretty sure he wants you there, but I've been wrong before this week. He's been so moody lately, it's hard to tell exactly how he'll react."

"You don't think he'll be mad, do you?"

"Not really, but I also didn't think that he'd be mad at me when I accidentally spilled his cup of water on the flight over."

The nerves settled in during the cab ride over to Honor and Josh's Fifth Avenue apartment. They stopped for a bag of bagels and coffee, which had been Colin's excuse to leave the apartment to meet Rory in the first place. As Rory polished off her fourth cup of coffee, (which was probably adding to her jitters) her nerves were starting to move into the panic region.

_Deep breaths_, she told herself. _You have nothing to worry about. _

When they finally reached the apartment, Rory was concentrating very hard on her breathing. She had no idea why she was so nervous. She had no reason to be. She wasn't there to win his affections or anything; she was trying to help Logan. That was it.

"Relax, Gilmore!" said Colin as he unlocked the door to Honor's apartment and stepped inside quietly. Colin motioned for her to leave her bags in the front entryway for now. She dropped them as quietly as possible, keeping the one with Logan's gifts. Rory glanced around at the pictures on the walls quickly before following Colin down the hall towards the kitchen.

"I come bearing bagels!" he shouted as he placed the bag on the kitchen counter. Honor was standing in the kitchen making a pot of coffee. She waved to Rory, pulling her in for a kiss on the cheek. Rory gave her a questioning look, silently asking where Logan was.

_Living room_, Honor mouthed, and Rory nodded gratefully.

"Finally!" Honor said loudly, playing along with Colin's act. "What took you so long?"

The two left the kitchen to go towards what Rory assumed was the living room, motioning for Rory to follow them. "Bit of a crowd this morning." They entered the living room from the back. The large plasma TV was set up against the far wall, so the couch was facing away from him. Rory bit her lip nervously as she felt her heartbeat quicken. There was Logan, or at least the back of Logan's head. Had his hair gotten blonder in the year since she'd seen him? He was sitting casually on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table, and a newspaper in his hands. The news was on in the background, but Logan wasn't paying any attention to it. She grinned slightly at the sight. Some things never change.

"It was a bit busy," Colin lied easily. "But hey, guess who I found while I was out?"

The question was obviously for Logan, but he didn't move his eyes from the paper. He hardly even noticed the silence as Colin waited for an answer. It was clear to Rory that he hadn't been paying any attention to the conversation going on around him.

"Logan!" Honor finally said loudly. He still didn't look up.

"What?" Logan finally asked. Rory felt herself relax a bit at the sound of his voice. It had been a year since she heard it, and she was now realizing exactly how much she missed it.

"Take a look at who's here."

With a sigh, Logan finally put down his newspaper and turned to see who it was.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I'm so sorry about the cliff hanger! I am evil. But like I said, this chapter would have been way too long if I kept the Logan stuff in, so I had to cut it here. I promise you though, the next chapter is filled with Rory and Logan interactions. I should be able to get it to you sometime tomorrow, so the wait won't be too long.

As always, reviews are not mandatory. However, they are highly appreciated, and they make my day.


	5. Coffee Addicts Anonymous

**A/N: **I come to you with the much anticipated update! This one is filled with PLENTY of Logan to make up for my mean cliffhanger I left you on. I'm pretty proud of this chapter. It seems to have written itself without my input. Anyway, Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Five – Coffee Addicts Anonymous<span>

At first, Logan quickly glanced at the people standing behind the couch, barely acknowledging their presence, before turning back around. He froze as he was reaching for the paper. It was as though he suddenly realized that one of the three people standing behind him should _not_ be there, and he slowly turned around to double check.

His eyes carefully scanned Rory, starting at her feet and ending with him looking her directly in the eyes. Rory willed herself not to blush at his carefully controlled scrutiny. Since Logan didn't move at all, Rory slowly made her way around the couch. She took a seat on the couch's arm, placing the bag in her hands on the coffee table, covering Logan's newspaper. He was still watching her, without saying a word.

Rory took in Logan's appearance while she had a moment. His eyes weren't sparkling the way they used to, although that was to be expected, considering how hard the past week must have been for him. He looked a little thinner. A bit of stubble was scattered across his face, as though he had stopped caring about shaving. It looked strange to her; she had been used to Logan's usual, clean cut look. His hair was perfectly messy as ever. He looked a bit tired and uncomfortable in his clothes, as though he was too hot to be wearing them at all. He was sweating slightly, although it wasn't warm in the apartment. She noted the absence of his usual smirk. This slightly sicker looking Logan did not match with the happy, healthy looking one in her memory.

Logan still hadn't said anything, or made any move towards her. Still he scrutinized her, as though trying to decide how he felt about the whole situation.

She couldn't take the silence anymore. She should say something, but what? How do you start out this conversation, after not speaking to each other for a year?

She should start with a greeting, she figured. It was typical to start a conversation with a greeting of some sort.

_Pull yourself together, Gilmore!_ She urged herself. _You're a reporter! You can do this._

"Hey," Rory finally said with a slight smile. Inwardly, she was kicking herself. Hey was a dumb greeting. Who said, 'hey,' anyway?

"Rory," Logan finally said hoarsely, still looking at her. There was so much feeling he put behind that one word, but she wasn't sure what exactly that feeling was. She wouldn't exactly call it love. Relief maybe?

She heard Honor and Colin quietly leaving the room, giving them some privacy. But the two still didn't turn away from each other. Rory was waiting for Logan to do something, _anything_ to break this tension.

Finally, he slowly brought his hand up to cup her cheek, as though checking to make sure she was real. She closed her eyes at the contact, smiling sadly. When she opened them again, Logan was pulling her off the arm of the couch, enveloping her in a hug.

Rory wasn't sure how to react as she wrapped her arms comfortingly around him while he buried his head into her shoulder and started to cry. In the three years they had dated, she'd never seen him cry before. Of course, he'd seen her cry plenty. This role reversal was new territory for them. But as his sobs deepened, Rory could tell that he'd been holding this back for a while. She assumed that he had spent the last week holding in all his emotions, and seeing Rory had been his breaking point. She was his signal to finally let all of those emotions go.

"It's okay," Rory murmured softly as she rubbed soothing circles into his back with one hand, stroking his hair with the other. She closed her eyes, letting a couple of tears fall down her cheeks as her heart broke for Logan. She had never seen him look so utterly defeated before. The image was a bit unsettling.

It took a while, but eventually Logan's sobs slowed. He still clutched himself to her tightly, taking steady breaths into her shoulder as he tried to get his breathing under control. Rory slowed the motion of her hands as she Logan's breathing return to normal again.

Finally, Logan pulled himself away, and Rory felt the loss of him almost instantly. He looked down at his lap, whipping his eyes, before finally bringing his gaze back up to her.

"Well, that was sufficiently awkward," Logan said, and she couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. Trust Logan to try and make light of the situation.

"Oh, come on now. If I were in your position, I'd be crying all over everyone. The guy who makes my coffee, random strangers on the street, pigeons – "

"Your books," Logan suggested with a smirk.

"Hey, I only did that once!" But she laughed at the memory. Rory had been reading on the couch of their apartment in New Haven alone while Logan was in class. The book had a particularly sad ending, causing her to go into a fit of hysterics. Logan had walked in to see her sobbing, clutching the book tightly to her chest as though her life depended on it. Needless to say, the teasing was incessant.

"By which you mean I only _caught _you once, right?"

"If I say no, will that be the end of it?"

"For now."

"Then, no. It only happened _once!_"

Logan smiled sadly, but his smile quickly faded back to confusion. "What are you _doing_, here, Rory?"

She noted that he seemed to be purposely not calling her Ace, as though he wasn't ready to use that term of endearment. "You know me," she said, trying to keep things light for the moment. "I can't say no to bagels and coffee."

"Rory – "

"Seriously, I know for a _fact_ that New York has the best bagels. I've been all over the country, and it's impossible to find a decent bagel anywhere else. And don't even get me _started_ on the coffee situation in the south. I mean, have they even _heard_ of coffee? Because the stuff they served me tasted more like coffee flavored water!"

"I'm being serious here. Why did you come?"

She thought about it for a moment before answering, studying his face carefully. She could tell he was trying to hold back whatever it is he wanted to say to her. After letting his emotions pour out onto her, he was trying to reign them back in again.

She settled on telling the truth. "I don't know. Finn called me yesterday and I just…I was planning how to get home before he even asked if I could come see you. The next thing I knew, I was on the last flight out of Iowa. I didn't even stop to think about it. I just booked the ticket."

She waited a moment for her words to settle in before asking the question that was on her mind. "Are you…do you want me here?"

Logan weighed his words carefully before answering. "I'm glad you came." It wasn't exactly an answer, but she didn't expect any more under the circumstances.

"Okay," she said, letting out the breath she didn't realize she was holding. She hesitantly asked him another question that had been bothering her. "Did you…did you think that I _wouldn't_ come? Is that why you didn't call me? Because you were worried that I might not care?" She looked down at her hands twisting in her lap. She had tried not to let the hurt seep into her voice, but Logan must have picked up on it anyway.

"Rory, _no!_" he insisted, covering her hands with one of his own. He was back to comforting her, and she hated herself a little bit for it. "I thought about calling you, I really did. I thought that you at least had a right to know. But after everything…we haven't spoken in a year, Rory. We broke up. What right did I have to call you for emotional support?"

She looked up into his face, trying to reassure him without words that he could _always_ turn to her for emotional support, no matter how much time passed.

"I guess I shouldn't really be surprised that Finn decided to call you without my knowledge," Logan continued. "I would have probably snapped at him if I found out. It makes me seem like I'm too much of a wimp to call my ex girlfriend."

"I didn't see it that way," she reassured him. "You're scared. You have every right to be."

Logan just shrugged.

"Look," Rory continued. "We don't have to talk about any of this stuff now." She was trying to hint that she wasn't quite ready to talk about all the things that had gone wrong when he proposed to her. Logan nodded in understanding. "I'm here to help you, let's just leave it at that for now." She reached for the bag sitting on the coffee table. "I got you something. Well, a bunch of things really."

Logan raised his eyebrows questioningly. "You got me a present?" The smirk was back, easing the tension between them.

"Now, don't get too excited. Shopping options were limited in the Des Moines airport. I had to improvise a bit."

Logan frowned slightly in confusion as he pulled out the contents of the bag. "Okay, you'll have to explain this to me. The scotch I get, but what's with all the Iowa stuff?"

"Well, the mug because I figure, 'hey, there's no such thing as too many mugs.' The t-shirt because over the past year, I've spent more time in Iowa than is healthy for a person to _ever_ spend in Iowa. And as for the newspaper, if you look carefully at the picture, you can _kind of_ see me standing behind Senator Obama, looking all official and reporter-y."

"Ah, I see that a year following around a presidential campaign has done wonders on your vocabulary skills. Tell me, is reporter-y a fancy new word that the other journalists use?" he teased.

"Most of them prefer the term, 'reporter-esque.' Sounds fancier."

Logan laughed, and it _almost_ felt normal again. For a minute, they could forget why she was there, and why they hadn't spoken to each other in a year. They had settled back into their easy banter comfortably, as though no time had passed at all.

A voice from behind caused them both to jump slightly.

"Is it safe?" Colin asked, a bagel in his hand. "Are we allowed to approach the living room now?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, Colin. Just catching up a bit. You said there's bagels?" Logan stood up from the couch smiling, Colin's eyes flickering between Rory and Logan. It took her a second to realize where the confusion came from. She then realized it was the smile that caused Colin's look. Rory imagined that, since the diagnosis, Logan hadn't given anyone a genuine smile. She was glad that she could help bring one out of him.

"I'm starving," Rory said over the sound of her rumbling stomach, standing up to follow Logan into the kitchen.

"Ahh, and there's coffee!" Logan poured himself a cup in the mug she had given him. He went to pour a cup for her as well, but Rory shook her head.

"I've already had four cups this morning," she explained. "I should probably cut back."

"Nervous about something?" he asked with a smirk, amusement showing in his eyes.

He was dead on, but there was no _way_ she would admit to it. "Not really. Just severely caffeine deprived. Apparently the rest of this country doesn't know a thing about making a decent cup of coffee. I had to make up for lost time. But something tells me that four cups in less than two hours wasn't the best idea I've ever had."

"And here I thought there was no such thing as too much coffee."

"Ah, you're right about that. But coffee is like alcohol. You need to slow down sometimes. You know, give your body a chance to adjust. Then, _just_ when you're about to crash, you rally and it's time for cups five, six, and seven!"

Logan laughed as he took a sip of his cup. "Has anyone ever told you that you're an addict before? Seriously, you should look into meetings."

"Ah, yes. Coffee Addicts Anonymous. It'll be just me, my mom, and the guy who only became addicted to coffee as a way to sober up before drinking more alcohol."

"So Finn then?"

"Exactly!"

She was amazed at how easy it was for them to slip back into the familiar routine of banter and teasing. Rory had half expected him to be cold and distant. She thought he would hate her. He might still harbor some resentment, however he wasn't showing it now. All that she saw was gratitude. It was their pattern. One of them would need support, and the other came to their aid, without question.

She knew it would be short lived. Eventually, they'd have to unbury the baggage of their relationship. In addition, she could tell that there was something Logan was fighting not to tell her. But this was enough for now.

"So," Logan finally said, taking a bite of his bagel and swallowing it carefully. "Are you…" He didn't finish his sentence.

"Am I what?" Rory also took a bite of her bagel, carrying her plate to the kitchen's island and sitting down in the bar chair.

"Are you staying?" he asked her hesitantly.

She took another bite, giving her some more time before responding. "Do you want me to stay?" She phrased it as though she were teasing him, although she honestly worried that he'd say no.

"Yes," he said, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Then I'll stay for as long as you want me to stay," said Rory, silently hoping that he'd want her to stay forever.

* * *

><p>They spent the rest of the morning relaxing on the couch, trying to catch each other up on the last year of their lives. Much like the Boat Incident when Rory and Lorelai had stopped speaking for a few months, Rory had written down some of the things that she would have normally told Logan during their time apart. Of course, when she originally wrote her notes, she had no idea if she'd ever even talk to Logan again. Still, Rory kept a running list in a document on her cell phone. A year had made the list quite long, so Logan was picking out the things that sounded the most interesting, allowing Rory to tell the story that went along with it.<p>

"Meatloaf."

"We were eating dinner on a college campus once, I forget where. Senator Obama visited a lot of colleges, they all started to blend together after a while. Anyway, they were serving meatloaf for dinner. I swear, it was worse than the meatloaf at Yale."

"Is that even possible?" he asked with a laugh.

"Apparently!"

"Okay…how about 'apple tooth.'"

"Oh, that one's funny. This reporter from Washington bit into an apple, and a cavity came out! On the bus! And we couldn't exactly do anything about it. He had to fly home for a few days to have it filled, it was hilarious. And it gave me another reason never to eat fruit."

"Twilight Zone marathon."

"That one's kind of pathetic, actually. There was a Twilight Zone marathon on TV maybe a week or so after I joined the campaign bus. We'd just broken up. And I guess I'm a masochist. I decided to watch it because I couldn't that night sleep. It was going fine until the spaceman episode that's your favorite came on. So I bought about five pounds of candy from the vending machine, and I ate all of it crying while watching that episode. When it ended, I called my mom and told her to throw out the rocket you gave me. I was kind of hysterical, so I don't think she did it."

Logan looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Not exactly my proudest moment," she admitted with a smile, trying to keep things light. But Logan was still looking uncomfortable.

"Hey," Rory said, placing her hand over his. "I actually needed to have that moment. I didn't really have a chance to wallow over…over the end of our relationship. That moment, and a couple of disaster dates, really helped."

"Have you…" he hesitated before continuing. "Have you been dating a lot?"

Rory laughed. "God, no! Dating options are kind of limited on the road. Not that people didn't ask. I went on two first dates, a bit too soon after the breakup. I really only said yes because I thought I _should_ be ready to move on. I wasn't. The both ended with me crying. In front of my dates."

Logan winced.

"Needless to say, I decided to take a break from dating after that. Things got much better from there. Once I stopped worrying about whether or not I was in a relationship and started focusing on myself, I started to feel a lot happier. More confident."

"I'm glad it worked out for you," Logan said flatly. She frowned at his tone. Rory knew that she must have hit a nerve, although she didn't think he had a right to be mad at her.

"Are you upset because I dated, or because I tried to move on? Because Logan, you don't have any right to be mad at me for that."

"I'm not mad, exactly. I guess…you got exactly what you wanted. You had your wide open future, your freedom. I had my new job in Palo Alto and an empty apartment." He wasn't being accusatory. His tone was still very flat.

"Logan, no! That wasn't what I wanted!" She sighed, guessing it was time for them to have _that_ conversation. So much for keeping things light between them. "I didn't want to break up at all! How could you even think that?"

Logan laughed, though there was no amusement in his voice. His jaw was tight, and there was tension in his shoulders. "I asked you to marry me. You said no. What was I supposed to think?"

He was still tense, refusing to make eye contact.

"Logan, look at me!" Stiffly, he turned to face her on the couch. She took hold of both his hands, and was suddenly struck by how thin he looked. "Logan. I need you to understand this. I didn't say no because I wanted us to break up. I said no because I was afraid of getting married." She glanced down at their laced hands quickly before looking back up again. "We never even talked about having a future together before. That's not to say I didn't fantasize about it. But that was all hypothetical. I thought…I always thought that we'd have more time. There are just so many things about marriage that terrifies me, and I thought we'd have time to talk about it before you'd even be ready to get married. And then you asked me, and I guess I panicked. There were so many things that I thought we needed to talk about regarding our future, and then you just sprung marriage on me. I wanted to badly to say yes, but I was afraid of what would happen if I did without really talking about our future first."

"So what, you're saying that you needed to make a pro/con list about whether or not you should marry me? Whether or not you loved me?"

The stab at her made her bristle slightly. She fought to stay calm, remembering what Colin had told her about Logan's recent mood swings. "Not at all! I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to stay with you. But you know me, Logan. I need to plan out big decisions like this. I _wanted_ to jump with you. But as much as I tried to, I couldn't do it."

"Marriage isn't something you need to plan out every detail of before getting engaged, Rory. I asked you to marry me because we loved each other, and I wanted to be with you. What else was there to think about?"

"Do you really want to know?" she asked, slightly skeptical.

"I really want to know."

She knew this was a bad idea. She knew that she'd start crying. But she wasn't about to outright lie to Logan.

"I was afraid that I didn't know how to be a life, or have a husband, because I had no idea what a good marriage is supposed to look like. I was worried that you might end up being too much like your father in the sense that you both work incredibly hard, and I can't be married to someone who puts work first and family second. Not that I think that you were going to become that. I thought that it would happen without you realizing. I was worried that you'd just start working longer and longer hours and before I know it, you'd never be home. I was afraid that I don't know how to be a mother, and that you don't know how to be a father. I was afraid of becoming a society wife, and I wanted to know what we would do to make sure that didn't happen. I wanted to know how we'd raise our kids so that they had the kind of childhood I had, and not one that revolved around money. Because we can't pretend like you don't have money, Logan. You do, and that would always be a part of your life. But I think what really was the deciding factor was my career. I worked so hard to become a journalist, and I needed to know how we'd incorporate that into our lives if we were to get married. My job could take me anywhere, Logan! What if I couldn't get a job in Palo Alto? And I want to eventually work for the New York Times, or be an overseas correspondent for a little while. What if I got an amazing job offer that was too good to turn down? Would we move for me? Would you be okay with us moving around some if my job takes me to different places, at least until our kids start school? Would you be okay with me working when we have kids? Because I _won't_ become your trophy wife, Logan! I won't." She wasn't sure exactly when she started crying, or when she stopped looking at Logan. She'd let all her thoughts and fears come out in a rush, and with the flood came the tears.

Incredulously, Logan started to laugh. Rory glared at him, which only caused him to laugh harder.

"Why are you _laughing_ at me? This isn't funny, Logan!"

He tried to bring himself under control, wiping away the tears that came with his laughter. "I'm sorry, Ace. That's just quite the rant you had going there."

Rory felt her face redden. "You called me Ace," she said softly.

He froze, having been previously unaware that he referred to her by her nickname. His jaw had tightened again slightly.

"I'm _glad_ that you called me Ace. I've missed hearing you say that."

Logan relaxed slightly, and eventually smiled. "Look, Ace. I get that you were scared. I was scared out of my mind when I asked you. But all that other stuff, we'd just have to figure it out as we go along."

Rory frowned. "How do you do that? How do you say in one sentence what it takes me a novel to say?"

Logan smirked at her. "It's a gift, I guess." He pulled her into his chest and let her sob, reversing their rolls from earlier that day.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I hope this chapter holds you over for a while! The next chapter is going to take me a little longer to work on, so you probably won't get it for another couple of days. But this should be enough to last you for a while.

Reviews are not required, but they fill my heart with joy when I open my email and see one waiting in my inbox :D


	6. Begin Coffee Prep

**A/N:** Finally, a new chapter! Sorry this one took longer than expected. I had a friend here all weekend, and had no time to write. Then when I finally _did_ have a chance to write, I had to keep stopping to double check my research. Anyway, it's done now, so I hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Six – Begin Coffee Prep<span>

After recovering from the embarrassing crying incident, it was time for Honor and Logan to head to the doctor's appointment. Rory had every intension of staying at the apartment with Colin and Finn, but Logan wanted her to come along. His insistence confused her slightly. Their conversation earlier seemed to suggest that they were making strides towards getting back together. Certainly the fact that he wanted her at the doctor's office lent itself to that possibility.

However, Rory couldn't help but take note of Logan's cautious hesitation around her. Things were different than they had been between them. That much was obvious. They'd both changed a lot in the past year. It was necessary for them to relearn what it was like to spend time together.

But it was more than just that. There was a change in Logan that Rory couldn't quite put her finger on. When they were dating before, the two had never really planned out their future. All of the firsts in their relationship (their first kiss, their first date, their first time sleeping together, their decision to be exclusive, living together) had been spur of the moment decisions. And while it had worked out well at the time, it had also been their downfall. Marriage had been the one choice Rory couldn't make spur of the moment. It showed the weakness in their otherwise strong relationship. Perhaps they lived so in the moment that when confronted with the future, they couldn't make it happen.

Maybe having cancer is what brought about this change in Logan. The prospect of having his future ripped away scared him, as it would scare anyone in that situation. It scared him so much that Rory was worried that the only reason he was trying to reconnect with her was so he could cling to his past. Why else would he feel such a need to constantly bring up things that happened a year ago? Sure, Rory had wanted to talk about them at some point anyway, but she didn't expect that to happen right away. She thought it would take time for Logan to be ready to hear her out. But he had been quite eager to dig up the past with her, and it was confusing.

These conversations were likely to bring up old feelings that Rory thought she had buried a long time ago. It was one thing for her to miss the person who had been her closest confidant for three years. But the way in which Logan wanted to talk about their relationship was bound to bring up Rory's feelings for Logan in the past. She had no idea if this meant she was still in love with him, or if she was only remembering what it had been like to love him.

Her personal feelings would have to be put on hold for now. It wasn't about her and what she wanted. It was about what Logan _needed_.

Rory was trying desperately to work through her feelings as she sat in the waiting room with Honor and Logan, twisting her hands in her lap. She was still quietly contemplating as Logan was called in, so she almost missed the doctor asking her who she was.

"I'm sorry, this is Rory Gilmore," Logan said, gesturing towards her in introduction.

Rory put a smile on her face, trying to hide from Logan that she had been thinking about anything other than his treatment, simply because she wasn't ready to tell him yet. She glanced at the nameplate on the doctor's desk, having missed the introductions earlier.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Stein," she said, shaking his hand politely.

"Rory's my – " She noted Logan's hesitation as he struggled to find the correct label for her. "I need her to be here."

It didn't answer any of the questions that Rory had. What _were_ they, anyway? Something was happening between them, that much was clear. What it was though, Rory couldn't place.

Rory wasn't really paying attention as Dr. Stein went over Logan's charts, explaining to them what Hodgkin's Lymphoma was. He showed them a scan of his chest, pointing out the cancer cells. All of this, of course, Logan already knew. Unconsciously, he reached for Rory's hand, and she squeezed it in reassurance.

"This is one of the most curable forms of cancer," Dr. Stein said, taking note of the movement. "Now, I won't lie to you. This is going to be a long process. Your body's going to take a beating. I talked to your doctor in San Francisco on the phone. He told me that your cancer does seem to have spread fairly rapidly from the time you first started experiencing symptoms. How long ago was it?"

"About six months ago," Logan replied.

"Now, that doesn't necessarily mean the cancer developed six months ago. Often patients with Hodgkin's disease don't experience any symptoms at all. For all we know, you could have had this for a year."

Rory looked at her lap at that. He could have developed this while they were still together, and she'd have had no way of knowing.

"Will he be required to stay overnight?" Honor asked. Rory realized that she had spaced out again, caught up in her own thoughts, as Dr. Stein explained the chemotherapy treatment they would be using.

"That won't be necessary. He'll take the chemo drugs intravenously. We'll monitor him throughout the day, but then he's free to go home at night. Most patients find themselves more comfortable if they can spend the night at home with their family after a day in the hospital, so we don't want to keep you if it's not required. You'll take it in cycles. You'll have a day of treatment, another in about 2 weeks, then a week of rest. We'll monitor your progress along the way. In about six months, I'll sit down with you again to discuss your progress. If I don't think enough of the cancer has disappeared, we can discuss other options."

"What would those be?" Rory asked.

"Well, it really depends on his progress, but the most common options are adding radiation therapy in addition to the chemo. We could also perform a stem cell or bone marrow transplant. But like I said, we don't have to worry about that right away. Just take this one day at a time."

Logan asked Dr. Stein about the side effects he had to worry about. Rory could tell he was worried about losing his hair.

"You'll probably experience some hair loss, although it's not all going to come out at once. You'll probably lose it in chunks, but it will grow back once the treatment stops. You'll probably have to deal with nausea and vomiting. We'll need to monitor your blood to watch your blood count. And any number of common illnesses, such as fever, coughs, or trouble sleeping. You also might have to worry about infertility later. Many patients freeze their sperm before beginning treatment. If that's something you are interested, I can call a sperm bank and send you over there after this."

"Yes, that'll be great."

"Excellent. Now, do you have any other questions?"

Logan frowned. "I guess just how soon will we begin this process? I'd like to return to Palo Alto briefly to pack up my things, and get my affairs in order."

"That's not a problem. But I'd like to get started as soon as possible. Will two weeks be enough time for you?"

"That should be good, yes."

They set up the appointment for the first treatment in two weeks time, and Dr. Stein gave Logan directions to the sperm bank. Finally, the three of them left his office, leaving Rory with a lot to think about.

"I'm gonna head over to the sperm bank on my own," Logan informed Honor and Rory. "I think it would be a little weird if you guys came along."

"Okay," Rory said. It was then that she realized that Logan had not let go of her hand since he grabbed it in Dr. Stein's office. She quickly dropped it, placing both of her hands in her back pockets to give them something else to do.

"Yeah, that'll give Rory and me some girl time to shop!" said Honor, a grin on her face. Rory wasn't sure she liked that look. She looked like she was plotting something.

Logan gave Honor a warning look. "Honor…"

Giving Logan no time to protest, Honor grabbed Rory's hand and began running in the opposite direction. "We'll see you later, Logan!"

They took a cab to Saks Fifth Avenue, and sat down to eat lunch in the café. While Rory was happy to have this time with Honor, she wasn't sure what to expect. Honor had always liked Rory. Even when Rory and Logan broke up the first time, Honor went out of her way to call Rory in order to remain friends. Still, Rory didn't know what Honor's take was on the current situation. She had a feeling that Honor was about to ask Rory questions she didn't know how to answer.

She was right.

"So," Rory finally said when their food was delivered, trying to avoid the conversation she knew was inevitable. "Nice view, huh?"

It was a spectacular view of Rockefeller Center.

"Really, Rory? That's the best you can come up with?"

Rory shrugged as she took a bite of her (rather overpriced) sandwich. "You don't think this is a bit awkward? I mean, Logan proposed to me. I haven't spoken to him in a _year_. Yesterday I was covering the presidential election. Now I'm sitting in a café with my ex boyfriend's sister, while said ex boyfriend is getting his sperm frozen before he starts chemotherapy!"

Honor sighed, taking a sip of her latte. "You know it's more complicated than that."

"How? How is it more complicated? You know, I cried my eyes out to him earlier today, apologizing for panicking when he proposed. And he was sweet, because he's always sweet, but he still hasn't told me anything about how he feels about everything. It's like…" But Rory didn't finish what she was going to say.

"You think it's weird that you're telling me all of this," Honor surmised. It wasn't a question, because she already knew what the answer was.

Rory nodded.

"Rory, I'm not about to go tell Logan whatever you tell me. Logan needs to figure this all out on his own. But I _can_ help you. I'm probably the only person who knows Logan better than you do. Make of that what you will."

Honor took a bite of her salad, giving Rory a moment to think. It's true, Honor _could_ give her some incite as to what Logan might be thinking. And Rory did trust her opinion. After all, Honor didn't need to try and help Rory, and yet she was offering.

"I'm just so confused as to what he's thinking," Rory finally blurted out. "He wants to talk about our past, but then he doesn't tell me anything. It's just me crying in front of him. He wants me here, but he keeps me at arm's length. I can't figure out what he's thinking. I feel like…there's something going on between us. All those old feelings don't just go away, especially since neither one of us expected to break up in the first place. But I'm worried that if we keep on talking like this…I mean, if I keep doing the talking and he just comforts me…I'm worried that one day I'll wake up and realize that I'm not over him. And I won't be able to say anything about it, because it's not about me anymore. He needs me here, and so I'll stay here, but I don't know how long I'll be able to go on like this."

Honor took another bite of her salad and put her fork down. She studied Rory intently.

"Wow," Honor finally said. "I always thought Logan was exaggerating your ability to rant. Now I know that he was telling the truth."

It made Rory laugh.

"Look. I can't pretend to know exactly what Logan's thinking right now. I have no answers as to what's been going on between you two today. But I will say this. Logan loved you, and that's not something that's easy for us. We weren't raised that way. It's hard for us to talk about how we're feeling, because it wasn't something we did in our family. What I _do_ know is that he's trying. He wants to talk to you about this, Rory, but it's scary for him. Especially with the prospect of possibly dying thrown in. I think that he wants to talk to you about _everything_, but he needs a bit more time to process how he it is that he's feeling about you right now. Remember, you had almost a full day to mentally prepare before seeing him again, whereas you just showed up. He's better with the surprise, but he probably still needs time to work it all out in his head before he's ready to tell you."

"Do you think…am I just kidding myself here? How can I even be contemplating whether or not I'm still in love with him? This might all just be remnants of the past or something, but how can I let this happen? I can't still be in love with him, after all this time! I moved on! Sure I missed him, how could I not? But I was doing fine!"

"Would it really be such a bad thing if you _were_ still in love with him?"

Rory frowned at Honor. "Is that a serious question?"

"Look. I can't tell you how my brother feels about you right now. What I know is that he was a mess when you broke up. He wasn't the same Logan anymore. Today, he's been happier than I've seen him in a while. It's been hard since the diagnosis, but today I saw his smile reach his eyes. A few times, actually. So let's just say, hypothetically, he still loves you, and you love him. What could be bad about that?"

"What could be bad? Honor, he might die! Hypothetically, I'd have to watch the man I love die! And then if he lives, there are still all the reasons we _didn't_ work out that we'd have to fix!"

"Okay, so you fix them."

"It's not that simple!"

"Yes it is. There's a problem, you fix it. I'm not saying that it will be easy. I'm saying that, if you two love each other, you'll find a way to fix it. You think Josh and I have had it easy? Of course not. But when we had difficulties, we found ways to work through it. _That_ much is simple."

Rory took a few moments to let Honor's words sink in. "Has anyone ever told you that you sound a lot like Logan? Seriously, it's like you're channeling him or something. He'd probably be telling me the exact same thing you just said."

That made Honor laugh. "Just give him some time. I'm sure he'll come to you when he's ready."

* * *

><p>After their conversation, things became much more relaxed between Rory and Honor. They spent the rest of the day shopping together. Rory had no intension of buying anything, since Saks was expensive and she no longer had an income, but Honor insisted on purchasing a few things that had looked fantastic on Rory. She knew better than to say no to a Huntzberger attempting to buy something for you, and so Rory graciously accepted the gifts.<p>

When they got back well past dinner, the apartment was empty. There was a note from Josh on the fridge informing them that the boys had gone out for the evening. Rory was glad that Logan would have some alone time with the guys. It gave her time to make a list and plan out what she needed to do next.

Rory retired to one of the guest bedrooms and sat down with a pad of paper and a pen, ready to start making her to-do list. Since Logan's treatment would last a long time, she wanted to find a job, preferably one in New York. Although Honor was more than happy to have her stay, she wanted to get her own apartment once she found a job. And Rory wanted to go back to Stars Hallow for a while to visit her mom.

Rory hadn't seen Lorelai since Christmas. It had been lucky that she was even given that brief amount of time off to go home. She missed her mother and her town. What she really wanted was to head back to Connecticut tomorrow and spend some time there while Logan was off in San Francisco. She didn't exactly want to leave Logan just yet, but she saw no way around the issue. Logan needed to take care of things back home, and Rory needed to visit her mom. In addition, she needed clothes that were not business attire.

It was getting late, but after changing into her pajamas, Rory decided to call her mom anyway.

"Why hello, lovely daughter of mine!" Lorelai greeted.

"So I'm thinking, it's been way too long since I've seen you."

"Oh?"

"Why, yes. And I'm not too fond of this fact."

"You and me both, kid. Any plans to rectify the situation?"

"Yes. I was thinking of coming home tomorrow."

"Don't joke with me, kid. You know better than to toy with Mommy's heart."

"No joking. Is that okay?"

"Of course, it's more than okay! I'll call Sookie; she'll prepare a feast of epic proportions! And Luke!" Lorelai yelled. "Begin coffee prep immediately! We need to make up for _months_ of my baby having substandard coffee!"

Rory laughed at Lorelai's enthusiasm as she heard Luke grumbling in the background.

"So how'd it go today?" Lorelai asked.

"Okay, I guess. He's starting chemotherapy in two weeks. Then he went to a sperm bank to freeze some of his sperm."

"There are about a million jokes I can make right now. Oh, where to begin?"

"Please don't. The doctor said he could become infertile as a result of the chemo. It's just a precaution, in case he wants to have kids someday."

"So it could be _premature_?"

"Mom!"

"Sorry, that one was too easy."

"_Anyway_, Honor and I went shopping, and we talked. About Logan."

There was a pause before Lorelai responded. "You talked with Logan's sister about Logan."

"It's not what you think, Mom. Or…maybe it is. I don't know. I just wanted to get some incite."

"Details, please!"

So Rory filled her mom in on the events of the day. She explained Logan's crying incident, as well as her own. She told her about their relationship discussions. How Logan seemed to be holding back a bit. And she told her mother how afraid she was of still having feelings for Logan.

"When did I become this person?" Rory asked when she finished bringing Lorelai. "I was doing fine without Logan. Or at least I _felt_ like I was. I'm around him for barely a day, and all of a sudden I'm contemplating whether or not I want to get back together with him! I don't _need_ him to be happy! I don't need to have a man in my life to validate myself."

"Of course you don't, sweetie. You proved that this past year."

"Right! I was doing so well on my own. So when did I become this person who acts like she needs to be in a relationship to be happy?"

"I think you're asking yourself the wrong questions here, kid."

Rory frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's not a question of whether or not you need a relationship to be happy. What it's really about is whether or not you're happier when you're with Logan."

Rory couldn't answer that. She was afraid of what the answer was.

"Look at it this way. When Luke and I broke up, I settled for Chris. I thought that would make me happy. And it did for a time. But it wasn't what I wanted. I thought I could _make_ it what I wanted. But it doesn't work that way. Luke is the one who truly made me happy. But with Chris…it's like we were trying to force it to work because of all that history and baggage. Do you feel like you're trying to force it to work with Logan?"

"No," Rory said honestly, and the answer scared her a little. "Everything's coming back so naturally."

"So why don't you just let it? Ride this out. See where it takes you. If it doesn't work, then you'll at least be able to put it all behind you. And if it does, you'll be happier."

Rory paused for a moment. "Mom, I'm scared," she whispered.

"I know you are, kid. But it's all going to be okay."

There was a knock on her bedroom door. Holding the phone to her ear, Rory pulled it open to reveal Logan standing on the other side. He smiled down at her.

_Can I come in_? he mouthed. Rory nodded, closing the door behind him as he entered. He sat down on her bed and looked at her, waiting patiently for her to end the phone call.

"Mom, I've gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Ah, I take it you have a certain blond visitor."

"Goodbye, mom."

"Tell Logan I said hello!"

Rory hung up with an exasperated sigh. "My mother sends her regards."

"You're heading back to Stars Hollow tomorrow?" Logan looked a little worried.

"Yeah, just for a little while. I haven't seen my mom in months, and I've been living out of a suitcase for a year. I'd like to pick up a few more outfits to add to the rotation."

"Oh," he said simply, looking down at his feet. "I, uh. I was going to ask you if you wanted to come to San Francisco with me."

"Oh!" Rory said, caught slightly off guard. She was a little hesitant to spend two weeks out there alone with him. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. I understand that you want to see your mom, so we don't have to leave tomorrow. The next day, maybe. But I'd really like it if you came with me."

"I mean…if you're sure…"

"Of course I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be sure?"

Rory felt like she was missing something. "Because…Logan. We're just getting to know each other again. Do you really think it's wise for us to spend two weeks alone together, on the other side of the country?" She said the other thing she was thinking, against her better judgment. "You've barely opened up to me about how you're feeling about all this. The cancer, and seeing me after the way we ended. I guess I'm just worried as to what going with you means when I have no idea what you're thinking. I just want to be on the same page, here. There's too much history between us. We can't just go to California for a visit and pretend like nothing's ever happened."

When Logan didn't respond, Rory was worried that she had overstepped her bounds. "Look, you don't have to talk to me about this. I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything."

"Rory – "

"Seriously, it's not a big deal. It's my problem, not yours. I'll come with you if that's what you want."

"Is it what _you_ want?"

"I want whatever _you_ want, Logan!"

Logan smirked, running a hand through his hair. "We're talking in circles here."

Rory just shrugged.

"I guess we need to talk."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I feel mean, leaving you with another cliffhanger. But I needed to end it here, because I have A LOT planned for the next one. I'll try to get it finished as soon as possible.

As always, feedback is appreciated. It makes my day.


	7. How Precious

**A/N:** Look, an update! It came much faster than I expected. This chapter practically wrote itself, actually. The characters got away from me a bit. They seemed to take the lead on this one. And of course, I had to cut it a bit earlier than I originally intended. Anyway, I think you're all going to _really_ like this one. Enjoy!

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><p><span>Chapter Seven – How Precious<span>

Rory folded her arms across her chest. "Alright, you wanted to talk. So talk."

Logan sighed. "Come on, Rory. Why don't you sit down?"

She had been standing in front of him before while he sat on the edge of the bed in the guest room. There were no other seating options, so Rory moved to sit on the bed as well. With her back resting against the headboard, Rory brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

Logan moved to sit next to her, pushing the pillows up to rest against his back.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

This confused Rory. It was not what she expected to hear from him. "For what?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "For everything, I guess. For proposing like that, in front of everyone. I mean, God what was I thinking? I should have known you better than that! What in the world made me think you'd want a public proposal? That's not you, I should have known that."

She was already crying silently. _That didn't take long_, she thought, slightly frustrated with herself. "Logan, don't you _ever_ apologize for proposing to me. It was the next logical step in our relationship. Please don't apologize for asking me to marry you." _Don't apologize for loving me_. But she couldn't say that out loud.

"But you were right about everything you said this morning! We should have talked about it first. I know you, Rory. I know you better than _anyone_. And it's like…I don't know. I went out to California for those interviews, and something just clicked in me. I _knew_ I wanted to marry you, so I just planned the whole thing out without stopping to think about what you needed first. And I wanted to tell _everyone_, I think that's why I thought that doing it in front of you family was a good idea. But I wasn't thinking about you, I was thinking about me. It was so stupid."

"No it wasn't. It was sweet."

"And then what did I do when you turned me down? I said the one thing that would guarantee we'd be over. But I was so _angry_, Rory! I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm so sorry I did that to you. It's all my fault."

"Logan, no!" She had to stop him from beating himself up about this. "Listen to me. It was both our faults. You acted too rashly, and I was too cautious. No one person is to blame for this." Rory wiped at her eyes as a fresh wave of tears fell. She took a deep breath, trying to control herself. "We both did things to screw up, but I don't want you to be sorry that you wanted to marry me. The circumstances were a little off; please don't regret the sentiment behind the action."

Logan reached out to take her hand. She laced her fingers through his, allowing herself to cry harder.

"What's wrong?" Logan finally asked. She shook her head, unable to answer. "Please tell me, Rory."

She was unable to keep the thought to herself anymore. "I just feel like you're apologizing for loving me. And I can't bear that thought. Because then _that_ makes me feel like you're regretting our entire relationship."

"_Never_."

"Are you sure? You don't even regret the bad times? Or the end?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Ace. I wasn't exactly in the best place when you turned me down. I said some nasty things about you, things I didn't really mean. I went to New York and I almost tossed the engagement ring in the East River before Colin took it away from me. I was pretty down when I moved out to California alone. I even tried to revert back to my old lifestyle of a different girl every night. But it backfired. I couldn't do it anymore." He paused for a moment. "You changed me, Rory. I didn't even realize it at the time, but you did. You made me into a better person. You gave me confidence in my abilities. Before you I was this cocky jackass who relied on charm to get what he wanted. But I never really believed that I could actually succeed in life without help. You showed me that I can. So no, I don't regret a minute of our relationship. There are things that I wish I had done differently, but I think they needed to happen for me to get where I am now."

Rory was starting to openly sob now. She wished that Logan would cry too, so she wouldn't feel so pathetic.

"I'm not sure if I want to know the answer to this, but did you sleep anyone after we broke up?"

Logan let out a breath. "I tried to. I couldn't go through with it. I just kept seeing your disappointed face when I tried to explain to you the bridesmaid incident. Eventually I realized that what I was doing wasn't fair to me or the other girls. I shouldn't try to date until I was over you, at the very least. So I stopped trying to replace you and just focused on my work. Kind of what you did, actually." Logan smirked at her, causing Rory to smile. "It worked out pretty well, actually. Everything just sort of fell into place at work. But it never felt right."

What did that mean, exactly? Was he trying to tell her that he _wasn't_ over her? Did he want to know if she was over him?

"Kind of funny how we both just concentrated on being ourselves for a while, huh?" Rory pointed out. "We had these entirely separate lives where we were both successful, but we were doing exactly the same thing. We lived our lives, and we were okay."

"I guess so." Logan brought their interwoven hands up to her cheek, wiping her tears away. She sighed into his touch.

"I really _am_ glad you came, Ace. You know that, right?"

She nodded, and he continued. "And not just because I missed having you in my life. I needed the courage you give me. I remember sitting there in the hospital bed as the doctor told me I had cancer. And I just thought, 'well, I guess this is it.' I didn't think I could fight it. Just seeing you again as been enough of an encouragement."

"God, will you stop saying things that make me cry?" Rory said through her sobs. "I feel pathetic!"

"I'm sorry. You're not pathetic." He released her hand, but instead wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. She rested her head on his shoulder as he stroked her hair. "If it makes you feel any better, I feel like crying too."

"Well, can you? I wouldn't feel as stupid if you could cry a bit."

Logan closed his eyes, sighing as he allowed a couple tears to escape. She knew it was about as much as she'd get from him, and she was grateful that he felt comfortable enough to do so. They sat in silence for a little while, neither one quite sure how to continue with this conversation.

Finally, Rory spoke up. She was afraid to bring up this line of questioning, but Logan was being so open with her right now, she decided to go for it. "I don't want to seem presumptuous or anything, but what's going on between us? It's only been a day, and I feel like there's _something_ going on. I just don't know if its old feelings or feelings that never went away to begin with."

Logan didn't answer her for a long time. She was almost afraid that he hadn't heard the question, until finally he spoke. "I'm afraid that if I answer that question, I'll ruin everything."

"What do you mean?"

Logan shook his head, not quite willing to answer her.

"Are you afraid that I'll leave? That if I don't like what you say to me, I won't stay to help you through recovery? Logan, I'm not going anywhere, no matter what! I promise that I am going to be there to help you through this. Please, just tell me whatever it is that's on your mind. I _promise_ that it will all be okay."

_That_ caused Logan to cry. He closed his eyes and shook his head again, attempting to find the words to answer her. She studied him carefully, trying to figure out what he was finding so difficult to say.

She realized that the promises she just made to Logan were true. She didn't know if she had the strength to walk away from him, not just through his treatments. She didn't think she'd be able to leave after the treatments ended.

Her mother's words echoed in her head. "_It's not a question of whether or not you need a relationship to be happy. What it's really about is whether or not you're happier when you're with Logan."_

Lorelai had been right. She _was_ happier when she was with Logan. Even when she was angry with him, simply being with him had always been better than not. Rory saw it as a weakness at first, but did it have to be? Having a man that made her happy didn't have to mean that she wasn't a strong woman who could make it on her own. It meant that she had someone to help her when things got hard, just like she was there to help Logan now. He needed her because he found something that he couldn't survive without her support. If that day ever came for her, she wanted him to be there. In every way possible.

But could she tell him that?

"I _promise_ it will be okay," Rory whispered. She gently took hold of his chin, forcing him to look at her directly. "_Please_ just tell me."

Rory's hand dropped, and Logan searched her face, trying to gauge her reaction before he even said anything. She gave him time to gather his words.

"Give me a moment; I need to get something."

He left the room, leaving Rory slightly stunned. She didn't have time to contemplate his actions, however. He was back a moment later, holding a blue, spiral notebook. He resumed their position from earlier before speaking.

"Rory. Ace. When I first checked into the hospital and they were running all those tests, I felt pretty defeated. But also there, at the back of my mind, all I could think about is how badly I screwed things up with us. I wanted to call and apologize, but I was too stubborn. So I started writing everything I was thinking, and all the things I wanted to say in this notebook, assuming I'd never see you again. Most of it is gibberish and doesn't make any sense. But then I have a bunch of pages like this."

Logan flipped through the notebook looking for a specific page. When he found the one in question, he handed it to her.

All she saw, repeated in Logan's sloppy handwriting, were the same three words. _I miss her. _It took up the entire page. Rory flipped the page over to see the back completely covered as well, along with the front and back of the next five pages.

A tear fell onto the notebook, and Rory shook her head at her own patheticness.

"Turns out that I never really tried to get over you. I was just kidding myself, pretending I was trying. I think I realized when I was in the hospital that there _is_ no getting over you. This is it for me, Rory. And it terrifies me. A year goes by. I have a life separate from yours, and I'm doing pretty well with it. But the second I found out that my life could be gone, I didn't even care. I wouldn't be losing anything that mattered to me. _You_ matter to me, Rory. You always have; I know that without question. The reason I never got over you isn't just because I don't want to get over you. It's because I couldn't stop loving you."

Rory didn't even think. She dropped the notebook, taking his face between her hands, and covered his lips with hers.

She felt the smile spread across his lips as he too gently cupped her face in his hands. She couldn't help her own grin spread as well, causing them to need to break apart so she could laugh.

"What's so funny?" he asked, although he was smirking at her laughter. He kissed her forehead.

"I've been so afraid that I would realize that I'm still in love with you and not be able to do anything about it, because it might not be what's best for you at the moment. And here you figured it all out already, while I only came to that conclusion on the phone with my mom a little while ago."

"Can you be more specific, Ace? A bit more direction would be nice."

"Right. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think some part of me realized that I was still in love with you the second I got that phone call from Finn yesterday. I didn't even think about it, I just knew I needed to be here. I thought, _I can't lose him_. We can go another fifty years without speaking, and I'd still not want to lose you."

"Don't even _joke_ about going another fifty years without speaking."

"The _point_," she said, talking over him. "The point is that you're right. I guess, subconsciously, I never wanted to get over you either. I pretended like I just wasn't ready to date yet, but the truth is I didn't want to date. I did it because I thought I had to. But it was a little hard to do that when the entire time, I was pretending like I wasn't still in love with you."

His grin widened. "Glad to hear that, Ace," he said, pulling her in to kiss her again.

She had missed this feeling that he could elicit in her. She felt warm and safe and happy. In the back of her mind, she was still worried about him. She worried what loving him would do to her if he didn't pull through. But those were minor worries at the moment compared to the soft feel of his on hers.

"I missed that," she said softly when they eventually pulled apart. He chuckled as he cupped her face gently, rubbing his thumb across her cheek.

"I have to say, I'm a rather big fan of that myself." He pulled them into a more comfortable position lying down. Rory curled herself into his side, and noticed that his shirt was slightly damp.

"Hey, you're sweating. Why are you sweating so much?"

"Yeah, I do that sometimes now. It's a symptom of the cancer."

Rory tried to pull away. "Well, maybe I shouldn't be lying on top of you, then. My added body heat is going to make it worse."

Laughing, Logan gripped her to him tighter. "Don't you _dare_ go anywhere! I just got you back; I'm not letting you move just because my cancer is making me sweat a little. I'll deal with it."

That gave her an idea. "Hey, come to Stars Hollow with me tomorrow! It'll be fun. Sookie's making a ton of food, and Mom probably has every coffee maker in town getting ready for my visit."

"Are you sure?" he questioned. "I don't want to intrude on your time with your mom. I know you haven't seen her in a while, you must miss her."

"Well I do, but I miss you too! And anyway, the second I tell her what we talked about tonight, she's going to insist that I call you and have you come out. This will save time."

"Oh, well if it saves time…"

Rory smacked him gently on the chest. "You know what I mean! I want you there. You should come. And honestly, you can't tell me that going to Stars Hollow won't help to take your mind off things. It'll be good for you."

"Mhmm." He closed his eyes.

"So you'll come?"

"Mhmm."

"I take your mumbling to mean yes."

"Tired," he mumbled.

"We still have things to talk about, you know. This conversation isn't over."

"Tomorrow."

Rory giggled.

"Looooogan!" she whispered teasingly.

"_What_?" he groaned, slightly annoyed at her for keeping him awake.

"I love you."

He smiled, cracking an eye open. "I love you too, Ace. Always have."

* * *

><p>"Well isn't this precious?"<p>

There was a voice speaking far too loudly for Rory's liking. She was comfortable and asleep, and she certainly did not take being woken up by loud voices very well.

Rory groaned and burrowed her head deeper into the object her arms were circled around. It was a body. Logan's chest, to be specific. The thought made her smile.

"What time is it?" she mumbled, unwilling to open her eyes and check.

"It's six in the morning," said a distinctly un-Logan male voice.

Rory's eyes snapped open. Colin and Finn were standing in the doorway, trying to contain their amusement.

"Um. This isn't what it looks like," said Rory. She tried to sit up, but was still half asleep, so she lay back down when the room started to spin.

"Colin, Finn. If you two are still standing there when I open my eyes, you will regret it," Logan threatened, but his voice lacked the energy required to make the threat feel legitimate.

They really could not contain their laughter after that. "This is just too precious. Isn't it precious, Finn?"

"I shall compose a sonnet to describe this picture. I'll call it, 'Ode to Waking up in Bed with a Beautiful Woman.'"

"That sounds like a typical evening for you, Finn," said Colin, still laughing.

"Ah, but not for our dear boy Huntzberger, here. This fair maiden hath stolen his heart. Gone are the days when he wakes up in bed with a beautiful woman!"

"Hey!" Rory protested. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're calling me ugly!"

"I wouldn't _dream_ of it, love!"

Rory frowned. They seem to be missing her earlier point. "Nothing happened!" she insisted.

"Oh, so you two _didn't_ get back together last night?" Colin questioned.

Rory blushed. "Well…"

"You owe me one hundred dollars!" Finn said excitedly. Colin cursed under his breath, pulled out his wallet, and handed Finn the money.

"You two were betting on us?" asked Rory.

"Of course they were," Logan mumbled. He still hadn't opened his eyes, but he pulled Rory tighter and kissed her on the top of the head. Rory felt herself turn an even deeper shade of red.

"Finn had you down for a day, but I was slightly more skeptical. I thought your stubbornness would keep you two apart for at least a week."

"What else?" Logan wanted to know.

"I'm sorry?" Colin asked confused.

"What else did you two bet on? That can't be all."

"Whether or not you'd have sex the minute you got back together," Finn said proudly. "I thought you'd be too much of a coward. Colin didn't think you could keep it in your pants."

Logan chuckled. "Not your lucky day, Colin."

Another string of curses as Finn cackled with glee. "You sure you're not lying to protect the lovely Rory's dignity?" Colin asked.

"I'm sitting _right_ here."

Logan finally cracked his eyes open. "Colin. We're sleeping on top of the covers. Fully clothed. I still have my _shoes_ on, for God's sake! Does it _look_ we had sex last night?"

Colin shook his head. "Damnit, Huntzberger! You're costing me money here!"

"Not everything is about sex, Colin."

Colin and Finn gasped. "I can't believe that you, Logan Huntzberger, just said that," Finn responded. "_Everything_ is about sex, because there is _nothing _on this earth better than sex! Especially when it's sex with a beautiful woman. You've got yourself a beautiful woman, mate! What can possibly be better than having sex with her?"

Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Rory cut him off.

"Okay, I'm done with this conversation. Logan, if you _ever_ want to have sex with this beautiful woman _ever again_, you will stop discussing our sex life with _your_ friends."

"Oh, so now we're only his friends? I see how it is, love!"

"_Second – _" Rory continued, cutting Finn off. "You two will _leave_ this room so we can go back to sleep. What made you even think to come in here at six in the morning anyway?"

"We just got home from the bar. Went to look for Huntz, but he wasn't in his room. Logically, your room was the next possible location."

"You just got home? At six in the morning?"

"Trust me, that's early for them," Logan mumbled.

"You know what, I don't even care. Don't ever wake me up at six in the morning again. That reminds me. You two will have coffee waiting for us when we wake up for real later. You _don't_ want to find out what will happen if you do not follow through on this request," Rory threatened.

"I'd listen to what she says," Logan warned.

"Alright, alright!" Colin surrendered. "Coffee, let you sleep, no talking about sex. Got it."

"Go away, Colin," said Logan.

"What if we _hear_ you having sex? Are we allowed to mention it, or do we just pretend we didn't hear it. I'm not that good of an actor, Logan! I can't just _pretend_ that I don't know you two were nailing each other if I can hear you moaning."

Logan got up, ready to forcibly throw them out of the bedroom. "Too far, Colin."

"Okay, we're going!" The boys retreated quickly, laughing the entire way out.

Logan locked the door behind them to keep away any further interruptions. With a sigh, he removed his shoes and t-shirt, climbing underneath the covers. Rory crawled in next to him, curling up against his side as she had before.

Without his shirt on, he felt even warmer to the touch. She gently pushed the hair off of his sweaty forehead. Up close, she could really see the difference in the amount of weight he'd lost. It was heartbreaking.

"Your friends totally suck," Rory said teasingly, trying to not think about how ill he looked for the time being.

"So now they're only _my_ friends?" he joked back.

"When they interrupt my sleep, yes."

Logan chuckled. "For the record, even if we didn't fall asleep, I wasn't going to have sex with you last night."

"Oh?" Rory wasn't sure if that was sweet, of if she should be insulted.

"No. The sperm bank recommended I make multiple deposits, but I have to wait two days in between to get my sperm count up. I'm pretty sure having sex with you all night, and then again all morning, would ruin that."

"How do you know we'd have sex all night _and_ all morning?"

"Neither one of us has had sex in over a year. We'd go for days if I had the energy."

"So what, we can't have _any_ sex? I'm not sure I'm okay with that scenario either. After all, our relationship is _all about sex_."

Logan smirked. "Well I was thinking. They gave me some home kits. I can think of a couple fun things to do to fill up those containers. Much more fun than I'd have with cheap porn in some doctor's office."

"_Dirty!_"

"Just trying to give you some options here, Ace. Make of my suggestion what you will."

"Okay, can we stop talking about your sperm now? This is getting a bit _too_ honest for me. It's a little weird."

"Yeah, it's a little strange. But isn't this the sort of thing we're supposed to be talking about? You told me yesterday that part of the reason you said no is because we _never_ talked about the future. So now we're talking about it. So part of that is me telling you that the reason I went to the sperm bank is because, maybe someday, I'd want to be able to have kids. With you."

Rory didn't respond as she processed this new information.

"Does that scare you?" Logan asked.

"A little."

"Good, because it scares the _crap_ out of me."

Rory took another couple of moments before answering him. "I guess…I'd be okay with that. In the future, I mean. Having kids. We'd make some really attractive babies."

"I can see your grandparents picking out furniture for the nursery already."

"Okay, _never_ mention my grandparents while we're lying in bed ever again."

Logan chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

"What happens…" Rory hesitated, but decided to continue. "What happens if you don't make it? I mean, what happens to all this sperm you froze then?"

Logan frowned. "I'm not sure. I haven't really thought about it."

"You don't have to answer right now. I guess I was just curious."

"We'll figure it out, okay? But for now, no more talking. I was serious about going back to sleep."

Rory yawned, and Logan pulled her to him tighter. It was slightly uncomfortable due to the thin coat of sweat on his chest, but Rory wasn't about to climb out of his embrace.

"You're probably right," she agreed, closing her eyes. "We're gonna need our strength to deal with Stars Hollow later today."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hope you guys enjoyed this one! I had a lot of fun writing it. The next chapter will completely take place in Stars Hollow, which I'm sure you have _all_ been looking forward to. I'm not sure how long it will take, but hopefully I can get it up as soon as possible.

Reviews are not required, but they help to get me through some of my longer, more stressful days.


	8. Make Me a Match

**A/N:** I'm sorry that this chapter took me so long. At the end of last week I started to get sick, and so I haven't felt much like writing. I'm still feeling pretty crappy, but I really wanted to bring you all an update. Originally, I was going to make this chapter a bit longer to make up for the wait. But, because I've been sick, it wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. So I decided to cut it a bit early, and save the rest for the next chapter. I hope you enjoy what I have for you for now!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Eight – Make Me A Match<span>

_Bringing Logan to the SH. You may speculate as to the reason_. _See you soon!_

Rory sent her mother a quick text message, knowing that it would drive Lorelai crazy due to its extreme lack of details. Almost immediately, her phone started to ring. Rory laughed, showing Logan the phone as Lorelai's name flashed across the screen.

"Go ahead, you can answer it," he said, smiling. They had just gotten on the train to Connecticut, suitcases packed for a two day stay in Stars Hollow, followed by a week and a half in Palo Alto. Despite being excited to see her mom and spend time with Logan, Rory was eagerly anticipating the moment where things settled down enough for her to find and move into an apartment. She'd spent the past year on the road, never staying in the same place for longer than a few days. Rory loved that life while it had lasted, and she would have happily stayed with the campaign through the election in November had Logan not gotten sick. However, now that the end of her life on the road was in sight, she was ready to settle in the same place for a while.

"Yes, Mom?" Rory asked innocently as she answered the phone.

"Logan has a craving for Sookie's famous cookies, and that's why he's coming to Stars Hollow."

"Yes, it's all for the cookies. It has absolutely nothing to do with the company of two Gilmore Girls."

"Nope. He's not a fan of Gilmores. In fact, he's coming to Stars Hollow to ask Taylor to adopt him."

"I don't think Taylor as a father would be much an improvement over Mitchum Huntzberger, do you?" Rory tried not to laugh too loudly.

"No, you're right. I've got it, though. He's coming to Stars Hollow because he's realized his passion to become a ballerina, and he wants to enroll at Ms. Patty's."

Rory could not contain her giggling at that one.

"Tell you mom she's got it," Logan said, having overheard Lorelai on the phone.

"Logan says yes, you've figured him out. I think he'll look good in a tutu!"

"_Nothing_ you do or say would ever convince me to put on a tutu," Logan said, but he was smiling. "And stop picturing me in one now," he added, noticing the look in Rory's eye.

She grinned evilly. "Oh, I can think of a few things I could do to convince you to put on a tutu. In fact, I could probably get you to do just about anything if I _really_ wanted to. Four words, my friend: short dress, high heels. However, I'm a great humanitarian, so I often take pity on the weak minded."

"And for that, I thank you." Logan kissed her on the cheek. When he pulled away, a dazed look in his eyes, Rory could tell that he was currently picturing her in a very short dress and high heels, causing her to blush.

"Oh my god," said Lorelai. Rory had almost forgotten that she was still on the phone with her mother. "You two got back together last night, didn't you?"

Rory frowned. She didn't expect Lorelai to figure it out so quickly.

"No," said Rory, attempting to cover it up, although she knew it was pointless. "It's the ballerina thing."

"Is this my doing? You took my advice! _I was right_! I fixed your relationship!"

"You did not! We fixed it on our own!"

"Yeah, but I helped!"

"No you didn't."

"Did too!"

"You're five years old!"

"I feel like a matchmaker," said Lorelai, ignoring her daughter. "Just call me Yente, baby!"

"Hanging up now! We'll see you soon.

"Is that any way to treat your mother? I, the woman who carried you for nine months, and through 18 hours of labor, and who raised you for 18 years, _and_ who fixed your love life?"

"Goodbye, Mother!" As Rory hung up, she could hear Lorelai singing_ matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!_

"I can't believe she figured it out!" Rory said as she turned in her seat to face Logan. How does she do that?"

Logan smirked. "Is that a serious question? We were flirting pretty heavily. I think this entire train car could have figured it out, and they don't even know us."

"And she's taking credit for it! She might reenact the matchmaker scene from Fiddler on the Roof when we get there."

"Is it any worse than Finn's Passion of the Christ?"

"I don't think there's _anything_ worse than Finn's Passion of the Christ. Or anything Finn tries to reenact, really."

"Until you see Finn's reenactment of the opening scene in The Lion King, that is. The key is what he uses as Simba. Once he used a bottle of whisky. It threw off the entire scene."

Rory laughed, and leaned into him. Logan put his arm around her, and began playing with her hair absentmindedly. She enjoyed how comfortable this felt; how easy it was for them to just slip back into the way things had been. That was what she loved the most about being with Logan. Being together had always been easy; it was just something that they were. With Dean, it had always been a little awkward at times. It was to be expected, since he was her first boyfriend, but things never got less awkward between them with time. Even the last time they were together had been a little forced at times. Jess had been different though. Spending time with him was the easy part; it was dating that had destroyed them. Things were good and passionate for a while, but that wasn't enough. She remembered how weird things were when she had first started dating Jess. It was like neither one of them actually knew how to date, and they never figured it out. Dating had destroyed everything that was good about their friendship. Rory was still trying to work out how to get that back to where it was before.

But that wasn't Logan at all. She hated everything about him when they first met, but she was drawn to him. She couldn't help herself from flirting with him, or being attracted to him. It happened without her even realizing it. Spending time with him was easy. Being with him was even easier. Their biggest challenges had come when they failed to be on the same page due to a lack of communication. Rory knew that, in order to make it work this time around, she needed to make sure everything was clear between them, at all times.

"So hey," she finally said, deciding now was as good a time as any to have this conversation. "I want to clear a few things up with you, if that's okay."

Logan looked puzzled. "Yeah, sure. Should I be worried?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I just…last time so many things got screwed up due to misunderstandings, and I don't want that to happen again. I just want to always make sure we're on the same page, that's all."

"Okay. What's on your mind, Ace."

Rory took a breath before continuing. "I just wanted you to know that, while we're in Palo Alto, I plan on updating my resume and portfolio, and sending it out to just about every New York paper there is. Are you okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You're sick."

"Yeah, but I didn't expect you to just not work until I get better. That could take years. And I'm not gonna stop working unless I have to. I've already talked to my boss about me working remotely from New York, and video conferencing in for meetings. I work for an internet company; I can do my work from just about anywhere, really."

"So you're not mad?"

"Of course not, Ace. I don't expect you to just stay home and play my nursemaid. I don't need that, anyway. You quit your job to come home and see me, not knowing we'd end up getting back together. I assumed you'd try and find another one."

"Okay, as long as you're not mad. And I _will_ make sure I'm there for all your chemotherapy treatments. And any other times you might need me."

Logan smiled. "Well, I appreciate the sentiment."

"Good, because that's not all."

"Should I be worried about this one?"

"Not really. I just want to make sure you know that when I _do_ find a job, I'm going to look for an apartment."

Logan didn't react. "Okay."

"I can't stay at Honor's forever. I need to have my own place."

"That's fine. I understand."

Rory studied his face, trying to gage his reaction. "You don't have anything else to add to that? Any thoughts?"

Logan shrugged. "What do you want me to say, Ace? I expected as much anyway."

"You sure you don't have _anything_ else to say? You're not hiding anything from me because you think it would upset me?"

"Of course not, Rory! Look, we _just_ got back together. And while yeah, I'd be more than happy to live with you again, I'm not going to push you on this. Last time I tried to push you into an engagement you weren't ready for, and it backfired. I lost you. I'm not going to do that again. If you're not ready to live together right away, then we won't live together yet."

"And you're _sure_ that you're not mad."

"Ace!" He kissed her softly on the lips. She wanted to deepen the kiss, but knew that this wasn't the time or place. "I'm not mad."

"When did you get so wise?" Rory asked, trying to hide how flustered he had made mer.

He smirked, seeing right through her trick. "Funny thing about being told you have cancer. It changes your outlook on life a bit. I don't really see a point in wasting any time I have with you on silly arguments that could easily be avoided. And I don't see this as an argument worth having. If you're still a little cautious about all this, then I'm not going to push it."

"It's not that I don't want you to move in," Rory tried to clarify. "I _want _to be with you. I just worry that we jumped back into this so fast. I don't want to move too quickly and ruin everything because we moved too fast."

"Ace, don't worry, I get it. You want to be sure we're on stable ground before you decide anything. I _know_ that you're scared because we got back together after barely a day. I'm scared too. But I want to make myself very clear." He took hold of her chin, looking her directly in the eye. "I _love_ you, and I will _always_ love you. There isn't a doubt in my mind about that. The second I was checked into the hospital and they started running all those tests, I started thinking about how much I screwed things up with you, and what it might take to get you back. Finn may have sped up the process a little, but I would have gotten there eventually. Because even after a year, you're the first person I think about when I realize that something may be wrong."

He kissed her again, this time taking her lower lip into his mouth. She tried to deepen the kiss, forgetting that they were on a train filled with people, but he pulled away quickly.

"I _love_ you, Rory," Logan continued. "I know that with absolute clarity. And I'm not going to do something that will jeopardize us being together. So if you need a little more time before you're ready to live together again, then you can take all the time you need."

She placed her hands on both sides of his face to kiss him. He placed a hand on the back of her neck, sighing into her.

"_Thank you_," she said when they finally pulled back. "Thank you for understanding. Because I _do_ love you, I'm just afraid of losing you."

"I know, and it's okay. It will all be okay."

* * *

><p>Rory was surprised that she was able to make it from the point where the bus dropped them off in Stars Hollow, walking through town, and back to her mother's house without being stopped by someone. She took this as a small miracle. She managed to get her bags into her bedroom, found the keys to her car, and had made it half way across the lawn when Babette spotted them.<p>

"_Rory!_" Babette yelled, running out of her house. "You're back! _Morey!_" Babette's voice went higher, causing both Rory and Logan to wince. "Look! It's Rory! She's back! Your mom said you were coming back, but she didn't say why."

"Hi, Babette!" Rory greeted politely, giving the shorter woman a hug. She knew Babette was fishing for more information, but Rory wasn't about to give it to her at the moment. "Yeah, I just got into town a minute ago. You remember Logan, right?"

"Sure, someone with that ass? How could I forget! How ya doing, doll?"

"Hanging in there, Babette. It's nice to see you again."

Rory smiled as Babette hugged Logan as well, catching him a little off guard. He jumped slightly, as Babette pinched his butt, causing Rory to giggle. But he took it all in stride.

"We've actually got to go now, Babette, I'm sorry. I still haven't seen my mom yet, we're meeting her at the Dragonfly. I'm sure I'll see you later."

"Oh, of course! You kids have fun!"

As Babette went back inside, and Rory and Logan got into her car, Rory couldn't contain her laughter any longer.

"I'm glad you find that exchange so amusing," said Logan, but he was smiling.

Rory drove them to the Dragonfly, having to remind herself to actually go the speed limit. The anticipation of finally seeing her mother was getting to be overwhelming. Rory was actually bouncing in her seat as she drove.

"You're like a five year old waiting to see Santa," Logan commented, taking hold of her right hand that was gripping the steering wheel tightly and squeezing it. "It's kind of cute."

"Hey, I haven't seen my mom since Christmas. I'm excited."

"Can't really empathize with you on that one, Ace. I've _never_ been excited to see my parents."

Rory didn't even wait to turn her car off as she parked it, unbuckled her seatbelt, and flew out the door. She could hear Logan laughing behind her as he took the keys out of the ignition and hurried to catch up with her.

"Hold on a minute there, Ace! She's not going anywhere."

"Never! Waiting to turn the car off slows things down! Walking is too slow! Pulling the door open will be too slow!"

Logan took her hint, reaching the door a few seconds before she did and opening it first, allowing Rory to hurry through it. She nearly knocked down the couple who had been about to exit the Inn, but she didn't care much.

"Mom!" Rory yelled from the entry way, searching around for her mother.

"Rory!" Lorelai yelled back from reception. Rory saw the phone that had previously been held to Lorelai's ear fall to the floor, causing a look of disgust from Michel as the mother daughter pair ran to each other.

"I missed you!" Lorelai said as they hugged.

"I missed _you_!"

"But I missed you _more_!"

"It's not a contest mom!"

"Yes it is, and I won!"

"Why are we still hugging?"

"I'm going for the record here; world's longest hug. I'm not sure what the current record is, but I think we've got it beat!"

"That is by far the dumbest thing you've ever said."

"Sorry, I'll come up with a better anecdote next time!"

"Are you two done yet?" Logan asked from behind Rory, but she could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Sorry," Lorelai said with a laugh, finally breaking away from Rory. "I hate to be happy about my daughter's homecoming, considering the circumstances, but I can't help it."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," Logan agreed. He turned to Rory with a look of such longing that she turned bright red, and stared directly at her feet.

"_Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!_" Lorelai started to sing softly.

Rory's eyes snapped back up. "Mom," she warned.

But this only encouraged Lorelai to sing louder. "_Find me a find! Catch me a catch!_"

"What was that you were saying about lunch?" Rory asked, grabbing Logan's hand and walking towards the dining room.

"Aw, come on! I didn't get to finish the chorus!"

* * *

><p>Rory was surprised at how easy it was to just sit and eat lunch with her mom and Logan, at the same table. At first, she wasn't sure how Lorelai would react to Logan. She knew her mom had never really come around to Logan before. Rory thought that, in the past couple of days, her mother had shifted her opinion slightly. She certainly hoped so, at the very least. Still, she hadn't been sure how Lorelai would act around Logan.<p>

But she seemed like everything was fine. There were no allusions to the proposal, the breakup, or of Logan having cancer. Lorelai did ask Logan a lot of questions about his job in California, many questions that Rory herself hadn't gotten a chance to ask yet. Everything had moved so quickly, leaving them with only a small amount of time to catch up. Lorelai actually helped bridge that one year gap in which Rory and Logan were separated.

The food, of course, was delicious. Sookie had cooked a meal for about twenty rather than three, sending out course after course. Rory actually found that she needed to pace herself. It had been a while since she'd been able to indulge in her regular Gilmore eating habits, but she found she was still able to eat every bite.

Logan, on the other hand, barely touched his food. Usually he was able to keep up with Rory, but today his appetite wasn't up to speed. As the meal went on, however, Logan became quieter and quieter. He had been very animated at first, by the time coffee was being served, he barely spoke a word. He stared silently into his coffee cup, not even trying to participate in the conversation anymore.

Rory gave her mother a quick look, signaling that she wanted a moment alone with Logan.

"Gee, look at that," Lorelai said casually. "My coffee cup is empty again. I'm just gonna go refill this in the kitchen."

Rory took Logan's hand, which she noticed was warmer than usual, as Lorelai made her way into the kitchen.

"Hey, are you okay?" Rory asked him quietly. She didn't think his current mood had anything to do with the meal, because her mother had been more than cordial towards him.

Logan seemed to snap out of whatever daze he had been in. "Yeah, sorry. I'm just tired. It's nothing really. I get tired all the time lately. It'll be a lot worse when I start the chemo."

"We can go if you want. It's no big deal."

"Rory, no, don't worry about me. I don't want to take you away from you mother."

It was almost sweet, the way he was trying to hang in there for her. "Hey, don't worry about it. My mom has to get back to work at some point. You can sleep in my room for a while, and I'll go visit Lane. I'm sure my mom's talked to her and told her everything by now, but I didn't even get the chance to call her when I left the campaign trail. Besides, I don't think you want to be hanging out with a couple of toddlers right now anyway."

Logan smiled and kissed her softly. "Thank you," he said.

Rory fished her keys out of her purse, handing them to Logan. "Wait by the car while I say bye to Mom. I'll be out in a minute."

As Rory made her way to the kitchen, she tried not to worry about Logan too much. Most of the time, she could easily forget that Logan was sick. But then she'd look at him and noticed how much thinner his face looked. She'd see how sluggish he was. She'd feel his dampened palms. And then it was like the word Cancer was a brick wall that she just ran into at full speed. She wondered how much worse it would get when he started chemotherapy.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Lorelai asked as Rory entered the kitchen. Sookie was standing next to her mother, and she put down the coffee pot she had been holding.

"Yeah," Rory said, though her voice shook slightly. "He's just feeling a little tired. I'm gonna take him home to rest while I go visit Lane. Is that okay?"

"Sure, hun, of course it is. She's at Luke's now, but Luke said he'd let her go when you got there." Lorelai hesitated, and then continued. "He's lost a lot of weight."

"I know," said Rory, bringing a hand up to cover her eyes as she tried not to cry. Lorelai pulled her in for a hug, making it harder for Rory to hold the tears in.

"God!" Rory said into her mother's shoulder. "If I'm like this now, how's it going to be when he starts chemo? I can't keep crying all the time, especially not in front of him!"

"You're not crying in front of him. You're crying in front of me. And so what if you do?"

"_Because_ if I cry in front of him, then he's the one who has to comfort me. And I'm not the one who's sick, _he_ is! I should be comforting him!"

"I'm sure you are, hun!"

"Look, Rory," Sookie said. "If this happened to Jackson, I'd be crying all over him too."

"Right, listen to Sookie!" Lorelai insisted. "You're in a relationship, so this isn't just something that affects you. Everything that happens affects you both. So it's okay if you're not always strong enough to handle it."

Rory nodded, whipping her eyes with a napkin. "I should go. Logan's waiting for me. See you at dinner tonight?"

"I'll be done at 6, come by Luke's. He doesn't think you've been eating enough while on the campaign trail, so I think he wants to cook you everything on the menu."

Rory hugged her mom one more time, and gathered herself as she made her way out to her car to meet Logan.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I hope you guys enjoy this! I'm starting to feel a bit better, so hopefully I can get the next chapter up sooner rather than later. I'll do the best I can.


	9. The Purpose of Best Friends

**A/****N**: This seems to happen a lot, but I got a big carried away when writing this chapter. So, once again, I had to end it early because it got too long. It was also getting way too serious. I did my best to try and add in some lighter things to keep it from being too heavy. I promise the next chapter won't be nearly this serious.

Also, towards the end of the chapter things get a bit M rated. Hopefully it makes up for the serious tone of the rest of this chapter. You've been warned.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Nine – The Purpose of Best Friends<span>

"You're wonderful, you know."

Logan hadn't spoken at all on the short drive between the Dragonfly Inn and Lorelai's house, his head leaning against the passenger window. So Rory had let him be, thinking that he was too tired to make conversation. It wasn't until she had walked him back into her room, putting her car keys away, that he said something.

Logan had sat down on her bed, taking one of her hands in his. Rory bit her lower lip playfully, taking a step closer. "Oh, am I?"

"I'm being serious here, Ace. You're incredible. Up until now, I've been hiding from everyone how off I've been feeling. Pretending I'm not exhausted, or sweating, or like I haven't lost a ton of weight. I've been acting like everything's okay when it's clearly not."

"Logan – "

"No, Rory. Let me finish." He took a deep breath. "Finn would come to visit, and he thought I was just being moody because of the break up. That might have been part of it. I was doing okay. I _was_ moody at first, but then things got better. My work was good. I was enjoying myself. And then about six months ago is when I started noticing all those symptoms. I thought it was just added moodiness, even though I was fine on the outside. I did miss you but…I was moving on, because I had to. So I ignored all of the exhaustion and weight loss, assuming that it would all just go away when I stopped missing you. I told everyone I was fine. I guess that all went out the window when I collapsed at work."

Logan paused to squeeze her hand. "Then all of a sudden I feel…weak. Because I couldn't hide what was happening anymore. It had nothing to do with missing you after all, it was all my body. And I couldn't control it."

"Logan, that doesn't make you weak."

"I know that, but…" He didn't want to say it. She knew he had been about to tell her how helpless he felt, but he couldn't bring himself to say it again. "I just don't like feeling like that. Like there's nothing I can _do_ about it. So I continued pretending to everyone like I was fine. Finn, Colin, Honor. They all wanted me to open up, but I couldn't do it. And then you show up, and you _know_ me. You always know exactly what I need at any given moment. And I can't thank you enough for being that for me."

The way he was opening up to her was frightening. "Why are you saying this? You don't have to thank me for trying to help you, you know that."

"I do know that, but it's important that you know."

"Yeah, but why?"

"Because, Rory." He looked down at their hands for a second, and then met her gaze again. "I never told you enough before. I'd leave you questioning how I felt because I couldn't vocalize it. It's hard for me to say it sometimes, but I want to always make sure you know how much I care about you. Just in case something happens, I don't want to leave any doubt in your mind."

Rory brought her free hand up to his face, running it softly through his hair. "Nothing is going to happen to you." She was trying to convince herself as much as him.

"No, Rory. Don't do that. I can't pretend like there's not a possibility that something could happen to me. So I promise you that I'm going to make sure you know, every day or the rest of my life, how much you mean to me. Whether that's in a year, five years, or fifty years. I need to make sure that you know."

She captured his lips in hers, pulling herself closer to him. He responded by fisting his hand into her hair, sighing. When breathing became an issue they pulled apart, and Rory rested her forehead against his.

"_I know_," she whispered.

* * *

><p>Rory tried not to worry about Logan too much as she walked to Luke's Diner. She couldn't help the feeling of concern that washed over her as she reflected on their conversation.<p>

He was different, that much was obvious. Whether it was their year apart that had brought on the change or being diagnosed with cancer, something was causing Logan to feel the need to talk about absolutely everything with Rory. It was odd, listening to all of these admissions of feelings, although she'd have to say it was a good kind of odd. What scared her, though, was the thought that maybe he was only saying these things because, deep down, he was worried that he might not make it.

She knew it was prudent of them to be prepared for that possibility, but that didn't change the fact that Rory didn't want to think about it too much. Not until after he started chemotherapy, at the very least.

Rory buried her thoughts for now as she pulled open the door to Luke's. Lane, who was taking a customer's order, looked up at the sound of the bell when she opened the door.

"Oh my god!" Lane yelled, dropping her order pad on the ground and running to Rory. She squealed with delight, throwing her arms around Rory's shoulders, and the two friends jumped up and down like school children.

"You're here!" Lane practically shrieked. "You're actually here! In the same place as I am!"

"Are you sure? I might be a figment of your imagination!" Rory said through her laughter.

"Well you feel pretty solid for a figment of my imagination. I must be getting a pretty vivid imagination."

From behind them, Rory heard the customer whose order Lane had been taking clearing his throat.

"Sorry!" Lane said, turning back to face the customer, although she didn't look sorry. She reached down to pick her order pad up off the floor and went back to taking his order, all the while making faces at Rory. Rory tried to hold in her laughter so as not to annoy the customer further, although she was failing.

"Rory!" Luke had spotted her on his way out of the kitchen. He walked around the counter and stood next to her awkwardly, unsure as to whether or not he should hug her.

"How ya doing?" Luke finally asked. "You seen your mom yet?"

Rory wasn't sure how to answer that, being unaware as to how much Lorelai had told him. Saying too much could lead to a conversation that she did not want to be having in public, for fear that the rest of town would try to question her on her way back to Lane's.

"I'm doing alright," Rory finally responded. "We just finished lunch actually, and uh, Logan decided to rest in my room for a while."

"Right, right," Luke responded, recognition seeping into his voice. He nodded at her, signaling that he already knew everything Rory had told Lorelai.

"So I figured I'd come over here and visit Lane, if that's okay. You don't mind if I steal her away?"

"Oh it's no problem! Don't even worry about it, take all the time you need. Do you want anything to eat before you go? On the house!"

It seemed that Luke was always offering Rory food on the house. "Just coffee, please! Sookie's already stuffed me full of food. Gotta pace myself before dinner."

Luke filled up a to-go cup for her as Lane grabbed her bag, and the two girls headed out the door.

"Tell me _everything_!" Lane insisted the second they were outside.

"Wait until we're inside. There are too many ears out here. Is your house empty?"

"Yeah, Zack's still at work, and I put the twins in daycare. We should have a few more hours before I have to pick them up. How much time do you have?"

"Logan's here, but he's resting in my room. Mom's at the Inn until dinner. But let's get back to the fact that you have children old enough to be in daycare!"

"I know! It's so strange! I have toddlers, and they walk all over the place all on their own. Now if I could just get to the whole potty training phase already. I'm getting tired of diapers."

"I think you've got a little longer to wait, my friend."

"Yeah, well. A girl can dream."

As they reached Lane's apartment and settled into the couch, Rory wasn't sure where to begin. "So how much do you know?" she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Everything up until your phone call with Lorelai last night. I assume the fact that Logan's here is a good thing," Lane asked with a questioning tone. It was clear from the way she phrased the statement that she expected something juicy. "So? Details!"

Rory took a deep breath, staring down at her coffee cup before looking back up at Lane, attempting to add to the suspense. "Logan and I got back together last night."

"I knew it!" Lane squealed, and Rory grinned. "Oh, I just _knew_ that you two would get back together eventually. You never felt finished to me. So is it good? How was the getting back together sex? What am I saying? I'm sure it was fantastic! Was it fantastic?"

Rory laughed. "It has yet to happen, actually, so I wouldn't know."

Lane blinked. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? It sounded like you told me that you _didn't_ have back together sex with Logan last night. Logan, the man whom you've almost had sex with _in public_ on more than one occasion! _Including_ at your grandparents vow renewal ceremony."

The memory of the moment that Rory put it all on the line when she started dating Logan made her smile. "You heard me correctly. It just never happened. We talked yesterday, _a lot_. I told him all the reasons I said no. And then he came to see me last night when I was getting ready for bed, and we talked some more. We talked through some more of our issues from the breakup. It ended with him saying he still loved me. And then I told him that I still loved him, we kissed, and then we fell asleep, on top of the covers, fully clothed. That was it."

"Aw, that's almost too sweet!"

"It's so strange," Rory continued. "We talk all the time now, about _everything_. I don't know, it's almost _more_ intimate than the sex. But at the same time, it's so weird. I'm starting to feel like we've had more serious discussions in the past two days than in the three years we dated."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

Rory thought about that for a moment, pushing her bangs out of her eyes with her free hand. "I guess so. The open communication is nice. But sometimes he gets so serious. Just before I went to meet you, he stopped me to tell me how wonderful he thought I was, because he was worried that he didn't tell me enough the last time."

"And I ask you again, isn't that a good thing? I can barely get Zack to tell me what he's feeling, _ever_."

"Yeah, but he's never been like this before now. I kind of got used to Logan being slightly emotionally stunted. He wasn't used to talking about his feelings when we first started dating. The Huntzberger's aren't exactly warm and fuzzy people who say, 'I love you'. And it took a while, but I got used to Logan having trouble doing that. So I think I just worry that he's only saying all these things because he's afraid he's going to die."

"Rory, do you realize how ridiculous you sound? I really don't think that's the reason he wants to _talk _to you all of a sudden. Yes, cancer might have been a wakeup call, but I think it has more to do with the fact that you guys almost _never_ talked last time. All of your biggest issues happened when you two failed to communicate properly, remember?"

"You're right," Rory said. "I _know_ that you're right. I just need someone else to remind me of that so I can stop freaking out about it for no reason. It's like…things are great right now. Almost too great. I feel like it should have been harder, the whole getting back together thing. And I keep freaking out over these stupid little things, like I'm trying to _make_ it harder for us. Which is so silly! It's going to be hard enough dealing with the whole cancer thing without me making things more difficult for us!"

"Okay," Lane said. She took a sip of her coffee. "Why don't you talk to me about some of the things you're freaking out about? That way you don't have to do it with Logan."

Rory made a quick mental list of the things that had been troubling her. "I think the thing that worries me the most is I don't know exactly where we stand now. We've both stated that we want to be together, and we keep alluding to the future, but I don't know what that means. Does that mean we plan on getting married? It's such a touchy subject, considering why we broke up in the first place. And then there's the whole cancer issue we have to work into our future, because until his chemo starts, we don't know if we'll even _have_ a future!"

Lane took a moment before answering. "I think that if I were you, I'd let him bring the marriage issue up again on his own. _But_ I'd also find subtle ways to bring it up in conversation, so he knows that it's something you're thinking about."

"And what do I do if I lose him in a few years? What happens then?"

"Rory – "

"No, I'm being serious here, Lane!"

"You don't have to plan everything out right this second! You've known about this for what, two days? You haven't even been back together with him for a full day yet!"

"But I do need to plan it out," Rory insisted. She looked down, unable to meet Lane's gaze as she said the next part. "It scares me so much. Even if we had never gotten back together, I don't like the idea of him not being in the world. And now that we _are_ together, the idea of losing him scares me even more."

Lane waited a little while before responding, allowing Rory a few moments with her thoughts. "Okay, this is going to sound really horrible, but I think it needs to be said."

Rory looked back up as Lane continued. "You've been without him for a year. You haven't seen or spoken to each other until yesterday. And you're life without him was fine. You were successful, and you were happy. So if, and I'm just being hypothetical here, _if_ he happened to die, it would suck. And you'd grieve for a really long time. But eventually, I think you'd be okay."

It was awful, listening to Lane say those things. But what was more awful was realizing that Rory was already thinking them. "You're right. I _can_ live my life without him. I can be okay. But I don't _want_ to be okay without him."

"Then you've _got_ to stop freaking out over every little thing. You always do that. You over analyze everything. You're going to push him away if you keep doing that."

That reminded Rory of the conversation she had with Logan on the train. "Um…I sort of panicked a little bit this morning when I was talking to Logan about looking for an apartment."

Lane frowned. "Define panicked."

Rory bit her lip. "Well, I guess I balked at the idea of us living together again."

"And may I ask you why this caused a panic? Did Logan push moving in with you?"

"Not at all, he was totally cool about it. He said he wasn't going to push it. I guess I'm just worried that it's all happening too fast." As the words came out of her mouth, she could hear what a poor excuse it made. "God that even sounded lame to me. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I so worried that something's going to go wrong _just because_ it was so easy to get back together?"

"Because you, my friend, have always been a worrier. That is the whole point of having a best friend, so that I can talk sense into you when you freak out over nothing. Rory,you can't sit around waiting for something bad to happen just because the thing that brought you back together was a bad set of circumstances. I mean, if you _really_ don't want to move in with him right away, don't do it. But if the only reason you're hesitating is because you're afraid, then I think you should do it."

"You don't think it's all happening to fast? Yesterday morning I hadn't seen him in a _year_, and now we're dating again and discussing our future!"

"Hey," Lane said with a shrug. "I was living with Zack before we started dating. Now we're married with two kids. So no, I don't think you're moving too fast. I think that you got back together so quickly because your year apart meant nothing. You may have pretended like you were moving on, but you didn't. And clearly he didn't either. So what difference does a year really make?"

Rory didn't have an answer for that. "When did you become so wise, oh great one?"

Lane laughed. "I just know you really well. But I guess the wisdom gene kicked in right around the time I brought twins home from the hospital. After the, 'oh god, I just gave birth to twins, how do I be a mother?' panic wore off, of course. Apparently motherhood provides wisdom. Who knew?"

"My mom, probably."

They both laughed.

"You don't think I'm crazy, do you?" Rory asked. "I feel a little crazy. I keep having to stop and remind myself that I got the call from Finn two days ago, and not a week ago."

"Well let me ask you this. Are you happy?"

Rory smiled. That was answer enough for Lane.

* * *

><p>Rory stayed at Lane's a little while longer, listening to her tell stories about Kwan and Steve. But eventually, Rory decided to head back home. She wanted to get the chance to talk to Logan for a little while before her mother came back, and she thought that he must be waking up sometime soon.<p>

She took as many back roads to her house as she possibly could, wanting to avoid bumping into anyone she knew. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to them. She did miss her town, and all the crazy people in it. She thought back to the surprise going away party they had thrown her in the rain. But her priority was getting back so she could talk to Logan before she lost her nerve. Stopping to say hello to the friends and neighbors she hadn't seen in months would only slow her down. If she were spotted, what should be a five minute walk would end up taking a half an hour or more.

So she managed to make it home without running into anyone. The house was quiet when she got inside, except for Paul Anka barking at her a few times as she entered, so Rory assumed that Logan was still asleep. She opened the door to her room and saw him lying on his side, eyes closed. Asleep, he looked so at peace, and so much more vulnerable. She wanted to take him into her arms and protect him from whatever harm was coming.

Rory leaned over him and kissed him gently on the forehead. Logan stirred, smiling up at her.

"That's a good way to wake up," Logan mumbled. "But I think you can do a little better than that." He shifted to the side slightly, giving her room to climb onto the bed next to him. She settled into his embrace and gave him a proper kiss.

"Is that better?" she asked.

"I'll say." Logan brought a hand up and traced her lips, causing her to shiver slightly. His hand roamed down the length of her arm, distracting her from her original intensions.

"Hey, so do you remember what we were talking about earlier?" she asked. With his hand attempting to distract her, she couldn't think of a more polite way to broach the subject.

"Which thing?" he asked, tracing the hem of her shirt.

"Um." She tried to remember what she had meant to talk about. It had been so long since his hands had been on her skin, and the memory of the other things his hands were capable of was making it hard for her to think. "The thing on the train. I said that I wanted to find an apartment."

"What about it?" he whispered into her ear, tracing that with his second hand. He brought it to rest on her shoulder, playing with the ends of her hair.

"Um." She couldn't remember. "Will you stop that for a minute so I can think?"

Logan chuckled. His hands slowed their motions, but he didn't remove them.

Rory took a breath, trying to collect her thoughts. "I think I changed my mind about the living together thing."

"You _think_ you changed your mind?"

"Well I mean, I did change my mind. I was being stupid and over cautious, and I really can't think of any good reason why we shouldn't be living together."

He frowned. "Ace, you don't have to say that just to make me happy. All I want is what's right for you."

"This _is_ what I want, Logan. I think I was just trying to put the brakes on _something_, because we got back together so quickly. But I really can't think of any good reasons as to why we shouldn't be living together. I'm sorry I hesitated. I shouldn't have done that. I seem to be hesitating about a lot of things involving the next step in our lives lately. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me being afraid. I feel like I'm just waiting for this to fall apart, because the idea of having a relationship that actually works out is a foreign concept to me. I want to be the kind of person that doesn't hesitate, because I am _so sure_ of you. Does any of this make sense?"

Logan smiled. "I'm scared too. But that's what makes it fun."

Rory shook her head. "And again, you say in two clear sentences what it takes me several to say."

Logan chuckled, tracing her jaw line with his thumb. "And you're _really_ sure about this? You're not just saying it because you think it's what I want to hear?"

"I'm positive. But when we do find an apartment, we're both paying for it. We're not getting this huge fancy place that is so clearly out of my price range just because you have a trust fund."

"How about I make a deal with you? We go for a reasonably sized and priced apartment, so we're not living in some closet in a crappy part of the City, but we completely furnish it ourselves. And I will give you veto power if you think it's too much."

She liked the sound of that. In their apartment in New Haven, she always felt like a visitor and not an occupant, since the place was entirely filled with Logan's furniture that he hadn't even paid for. "I can accept those terms."

"Good. Glad that's settled then."

Rory thought about the other thing that Lane had said, about finding subtle ways to work the subject of the future into conversation. "We're really doing this, aren't we? Actively searching for our own place, I mean."

"We really are, Ace. I think it's a pretty big step."

"The weird thing is, I'm not really that freaked out about it. I mean I was at first, but now that I've actually made the decision, I'm not anymore."

Logan smirked. "Are you trying to hint at something, Ace?"

Damn. "What I mean is, all this talking about the future freaks me out a little at first, but I calm down once the initial freak out settles. I kind of like it, actually."

But Logan saw right through her. "If you want to know whether or not I'm going to propose to you again anytime soon, the answer is no. We just got back together, and I'm about to start chemotherapy. I don't think it's the right time. And I think that you were correct in saying that we need to keep talking about it, so that's what we'll do. Okay?"

Rory nodded, resting her head against his chest.

"So to keep this conversation going, just out of curiosity, did you ever seriously consider marrying me before I asked you? Not just fantasizing, I'm talking about really thinking about us being married."

Rory could think of two specific instances off the top of her head. "Yes. That Valentine's Day weekend we spent in Martha's Vineyard. You and Luke were outside, and mom and I were cooking inside. I told my mom that you might be The One." Rory turned bright red, but Logan chuckled.

"That explains a lot," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"Your mom kept giving me these weird looks throughout dinner."

"She did not!"

"Yeah, she did. It was like she was trying to figure me out. I had no idea why at the time, so I just ignored it."

"How did I not notice this?"

"I have no idea, Ace. Any other times?"

Rory _really_ didn't want to tell him this next one. "Okay, this is going to sound really dumb. Do you remember that morning when you were getting ready for Honor's rehearsal dinner, and I had that college newspaper editor's panel? I was standing in front of the mirror fixing my hair, and then I straightened your tie for you because it was crooked. Then you left, but I few seconds later you came back in and kissed me, I mean _really_ kissed me."

"I remember." His voice was deeper than it had been before, causing Rory's pulse to quicken.

"And I remember thinking, 'Wow. This is what it could be like every day. We get ready for work or some function together, I straighten your tie, and you kiss me goodbye before we head off.' I think that was the first time I _really_ thought about a future with you, and the thought didn't freak me out."

Logan smirked. "Wow, now I feel guilty. That is the complete opposite of what was running through my mind at that moment."

Rory frowned. "Why, what were you thinking?"

Logan let out a breath. "That morning, I was thinking that you looked damn sexy, and when I turned around I was trying to decide whether or not I had enough time to rip all your clothes off and have my way with you. Unfortunately, I didn't." He had resumed the motion of his hand from earlier, playing casually with the hem of her shirt.

"Um. I wouldn't have let you anyway. It took me way too long to get my hair perfect."

"Oh, I could have easily figured something out that didn't mess up your hair. I'm very creative in that way." His hand crept under her shirt.

She had to say something before she became too distracted. "Um. Logan? We're in my mother's house."

"She's not home, Ace," he whispered. His hand reached her bra, and he started kissing her neck lightly. She bit her lip, holding in her gasp.

"You said two days, remember? You said that this morning, if I recall. It has not been two days. It's been one."

"Your memory is accurate." He'd reached her ear lobe, taking it between her teeth. She clenched her hands into fists.

"Well your current actions seem to contradict that statement."

"Ah, but our conversation now reminded me of something." The hand that wasn't tracing lazy circles over her bra reached down towards the top of her jeans, toying with the button. "I am a very creative person. And just because _I_ can't do anything doesn't mean I can't do things to you."

"And you'd…um…be okay with…" She was unable to say it. She had always been too shy to vocalize too much when it came to their sex life.

"I can manage."

Rory finally gave in and allowed herself to react as his lips reached hers, his tongue tracing them, asking for entrance. Rory obliged, pulling her entire body closer to his, a hand tangling into his hair. She had forgotten how good this could be, his touch making her feel like she was on fire.

Very carefully, Logan pulled her shirt over her head, slowly kissing his way down her chest. She arched into his touch, whimpering slightly. She knew he was going slowly on purpose, wanting to tease her as much as possible. But Rory had gone too long without the feel of his hands in these places, and she wasn't particularly interested in slow at the moment. She could feel the tension building below her, and she needed some way to relieve it.

Rory tried to snake one of his legs between hers, hoping the added pressure would provide some relief, but Logan discovered her before the action was complete. He rolled her onto her back, placing his knee across her legs to hold her in place. Instead, as though trying to help her out in some way, he unhooked her bra, lowering one strap from her shoulders at a time, his lips following the path his hands took. Rory's breath had become ragged.

As Logan tossed her bra on the floor next to her shirt, and his lips moved closer and closer to her now exposed breasts, she found the tension building below to be more than she could handle. Logan's tongue worked its way around her nipple, causing her hips to buck upwards. But they met nothing, as Logan had purposefully kept contact away from that area, trying to prolong his slow form of torture.

She wasn't sure what came over her. She had very rarely been so forward before now. Without even realizing it, Rory's hand unclenched itself from Logan's shirt, reaching down to unbutton her own jeans. He captured it just as she reached the top of her panties, taking both of her hands and holding them hostage on the pillow above her head.

"Relax, Ace," he said with a wicked grin, kissing her softly. But she'd had enough of his teasing. Soft wasn't good enough anymore. She ripped her hands away, tangling one into his hair as she kissed him fiercely. With the other one she took hold of one of his free hands, guiding it down towards her crotch. She moaned at the contact.

"You are very forward today," Logan said with amusement, taking control from there. Finally, he unbuttoned her jeans, pushing her underwear aside.

They froze at the sound of Paul Anka barking, followed by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway.

"Shit!" Logan swiftly removed his hand and rolled to the side to stand up, tossing Rory her discarded clothes. He quickly fixed his hair in Rory's bedroom mirror as pulled her bra back on.

"I am going to kill you for this!" Rory said she pulled her shirt back on over her head.

"What did I do?" He smirked knowingly, smoothing out his rumbled clothing.

"Don't even start, mister, 'I'm going to go as slow as humanly possible.' Now we have to sit through dinner with my _mother_!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ace," he replied innocently. Rory quickly ran her fingers through her hair as they heard Lorelai walking through the front door.

She lowered her voice to a whisper. "If you so much as _touch_ me during dinner, you can forget about sex any time soon. Sperm bank be damned, you'll be filling those things up on your own!"

Logan raised his eyebrows. "Is that a challenge? Judging by your responses just now, I'm not sure you can _really_ hold out for very long." Rory glared at him, and Logan put up his hands in surrender. Taking a quick breath, Rory pulled opened the door to her bedroom, greeting her mother as cheerily as possible.

* * *

><p><strong>AN****:** Hope you guys enjoyed that! I'm not sure when I'll be able to bring you a new chapter, but I'll try to get one as soon as possible. The next chapter will probably be the last one in Stars Hollow for a while (assuming I actually everything I had planned, without making the chapter too long). Then I want to try and move the story forward a bit more.

Reviews are not mandatory, but they are like puppies. They always bring smiles.


	10. Payback

**A/N: **So here's the thing about this chapter. I needed to have a lot of things happen in a very limited amount of space. I didn't want to stretch out the Stars Hollow things any longer, because I need to move this story forward. Therefore, this chapter comes off a bit choppy at times. Despite that fact, I hope you enjoy it.

Also, I reached 100 reviews with the last chapter. Thank you all so much for reading! Each and every one of you is wonderful.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Ten – Payback<span>

"Hey, mom." Rory's voice cracked slightly, causing Logan to smirk. It annoyed her; he was too smug for his own good.

Lorelai didn't even notice. "Oh my god, you will _never guess_ what happened after you left. Okay, so we had this couple checking out who complained about the lack of chocolate pillow mints on their pillow the last couple of days after housekeeping came. So of course, Michel _freaks out_! He starts accusing them of pulling some kind of scam to steal our chocolate pillow mints. So I go in there, and everyone's yelling. Then I go and track down the maid, and _apparently_ we ran out of pillow mints _completely_ a couple of days ago! The new shipment just came in this morning. So of course, I had to give the couple an entire box of mints in apology, so we're probably going to run out again, and _oh my god_, what the hell is going on with you two?"

It was then that Rory noticed that her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was frowning. Logan was still grinning smugly at her. He was trying to casually rest his hand on her waist, but she kept inching away from his hand, as though he had some disease she'd catch if she allowed him to touch her. In addition, she still felt a little flushed.

"Nothing," Rory said firmly. Lorelai looked at her skeptically.

Logan leaned in to speak softly into her ear. "You're shirt's on inside out, Ace."

She felt her face turning a deep shade of red as Lorelai burst out laughing. Of course, her mother had quickly picked up on what she had interrupted, and was only waiting for Rory to realize it herself.

Rory turned on her heal, stomping back into her room to fix her shirt. "This is _your fault_, Huntzberger! I _will_ pay you back for this, just you wait!" She could hear his and Lorelai's amusement from behind her closed bedroom door.

There was a time when Lorelai would not have acted so casually at discovering her daughter in a compromising position. Four years ago, Lorelai had walked in on Rory and Logan about to free each other of their shirts. She hadn't exactly taken that very well, but that may have had more to do with the drunk Christopher and Luke that came barging in moments later, threatening Logan with bodily harm. (Not exactly the best time for him to be meeting Rory's parents.) Things had certainly changed since then. Maybe it was because this time, Lorelai didn't have to actually see what she interrupted. Maybe it was because Rory had been with Logan for three years. Maybe it was because she was 23 years old. Or maybe it had more to do with the fact that her boyfriend had cancer. Either way, a lot had changed in the way that Lorelai reacted to the thought of her daughter's sex life.

"I don't want to hear whatever it is that either of you have to say," Rory exclaimed as she left her room, rejoining her mother and Logan. She enough, Lorelai closed her mouth to keep in the comment she was about to make. Logan looked possibly smugger than he had been before, and he shoved his hands deep into his pockets to keep them from touching Rory accidentally. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

On the outside, Rory was going to stay mad at Logan. His glee reminded Rory of some over eager school boy, happily enjoying the aftermaths of his first encounter with a woman, having elicited such a response from Rory. He was far too proud of himself. But she also couldn't help but feel a little happy about watching this display of boyish enthusiasm. Despite her embarrassment (and sexual frustration on having been interrupted), she was glad at the amount of energy Logan was showing. It was almost like she was seeing the Old Logan again, the one that fascinated her so much when they first met. She thought back to the Logan who had never taken a nap in his life, who dragged her out bar hopping when he had the flu, only going home after he had fainted. The pre cancer Logan, who had never admitted to feeling weak in his life, to anyone. It was nice to see that the Logan she first fell in love with was still there, despite the disease making him act a little differently.

But she wasn't about to let him know that. No, she planned on making him suffer.

"So," Rory finally said. "Dinner at Luke's? I am _starving_."

"You're always starving," Logan pointed put as all three headed out the door.

"Not true, actually. My appetite's waned a little bit while on the road. I'm not quite up to regular Gilmore standards at the moment."

"Oh, you shouldn't have told me that," Lorelai said. "Now you _know_ this means we have to have a Gilmore movie night. You have a lot of eating to make up for!"

Rory sighed. "Fine, but we're not going with both pizza _and_ Chinese. It's one of the other. Can't rush back into it, I've got to pace myself."

Walking through town to Like's at this hour was a much different experience than it had been earlier that day. Every few feet, Rory was stopped by someone she knew in town. She wasn't sure exactly how to respond to the question as to _why_ exactly she was home yet, but luckily no one stopped her for long. The excuse of getting dinner was enough to keep them moving.

"This town really loves you," Logan stated as they entered the diner, taking a seat at a free table.

"Yeah, they thought about declaring her birthday Rory Gilmore Day," Lorelai told them, feigning a deep sigh. "But I, the noble and protective mother that I am, put a stop to it. I argued that, without the subject of the holiday present, it would be a moot point. How does one celebrate Rory Gilmore Day without one Rory Gilmore?"

"That did _not_ happen," Rory insisted.

"Yes it did. Last October. You were on the campaign. I decided not to tell you, in case they spring in on you at a Town Meeting."

"You do realize that by telling me this now, you've ruined your element of surprise."

"Ah! You've foiled my evil plan! I will get you next time, child!"

"What can I get you?" Luke asked, having just shown up at the table.

Rory didn't even hesitate. "Bacon cheeseburger, please. And cheese fries! Lots and _lots_ of cheese fries."

"Two!" Lorelai added.

Luke turned to Logan, who hadn't even had a chance to glance at the menu.

"I'll defer to the experts on this one. Make that three, but you can hold the fries."

"Um, if you expect to get any fries, you better get your own!" Rory said. No way was she sharing her first batch of Luke's fries since the last time she was home in December.

Logan rolled his eyes at her, but he was smiling. "Okay, a _small_ amount of fries."

"I don't differentiate between the amounts of fries on a plate," Luke said unenthusiastically.

"Aw, come on, Luke!" said Rory. "Can't you make an exception for your _favorite_ customers, plus one?"

"Plus one?"

"Logan falls under the category of favorite customer by association."

"You're an even bigger pain than your mother is." He turned to head back into the kitchen.

"I missed you too, Luke!" Rory called after him.

"Whatever." Luke shuffled away, leaving it unclear as to whether he would actually bring Logan some fries with his order.

"Dating him gets you nothing," Rory commented to Lorelai.

"That's alright. I'll make him pay for it later," she responded with a wink.

Rory winced. "Okay, I did _not_ need that mental image in my head. _Thanks_."

"Right back at ya, kid."

Rory buried her face in her hands as Logan laughed. "We are _not_ talking about that anymore. Nope. Conversation over."

"Fine. New topic: There's a Town Meeting tonight. Should be fun, Taylor wants to start planning for the Fourth of July carnival, which he just decided we're going to have. Only he wants to paint the entire town red, white, and blue to compete with Woodbury's Fourth of July carnival. Everything will be red, white, and blue. It would be a criminal offense to not be dressed accordingly."

"How does he plan on actually enforcing a red, white, and blue dress code?"

"No idea, but I can't _wait_ to find out!"

* * *

><p>Rory should have expected that she'd be cornered when they showed up at the Town Meeting a little early. It seemed that, once word had spread that she was home, everyone had decided that they wanted to come to the Town Meeting tonight. This meant that everyone wanted to know what she was doing home to begin with, and what Logan was doing there, since it was also common knowledge that the two were no longer together.<p>

If there was one thing she hated about growing up in a small town, it was the fact that everyone wanted to know her business. And they _did_ know her business.

"So what brings you back home, hun?" Patty asked her, Babette and Gypsy standing close by. "We didn't think you'd be back until after the election."

Rory glanced at Logan, unsure as to what to tell them. Or anyone, for that matter. Did Logan want other people to know just yet? Rory looked over to Lorelai, who was talking to Sookie and Jackson, wishing that her mother would come and save her from needing to answer this question.

"It's my fault, really," Logan told them, cutting in. "I got sick and my sister convinced me to fly back home from San Francisco, in case I needed any help. My friends kind of overreacted and asked Rory to come home as well to visit me. In the end, I decided to stay in New York. I miss the East Coast a bit too much."

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" There was genuine concern in Patty's voice, not just an urge for the latest gossip.

Logan shrugged. "It's been a stressful few days, but things are finally settling. I'll be okay."

Taylor called the town meeting to order, so Rory and Logan took their seats next to Lorelai. Rory took Logan's hand and squeezed it, trying to comfort him without words. He smiled back at her, running his thumb over her knuckles.

* * *

><p>"I'm not sure what my favorite part was," Logan said through his laughter as they walked back to the Gilmore's house at the end of the town meeting.<p>

"Was it the part where the town wanted to throw Rory a welcome home parade, which had to be vetoed do to the fact that you're only in town for one more day?" Lorelai asked helpfully.

"No, but I'm slightly curious as to what a 'Welcome Home Rory' parade would look like." Logan took Rory's hand. She was still pretending to be mad at him, but she allowed this small amount of contact.

"Was it the part where Kirk put on a one man performance demonstrating what the Stars Hollow Fourth of July musical that he is writing will look like?"

"No, but I did enjoy watching him trip while attempting to play _all_ the rolls at once."

"Oh! Was it the part where Luke started throwing things at Taylor when he insisted that Luke decorate the Diner for the Fourth of July?" Rory suggested.

"No."

"Was it the part where Luke threw more things at Taylor when Taylor suggested that the dye the lawn red, white, and blue for the Fourth of July, since Luke refused to decorate the diner?"

"I think that might be it. Are _all _your town meetings like that?"

"Not usually. This one was a bit more of a circus than usual. You guys picked a good time to come for a visit!" They had reached the house now, and were ready to begin the traditional Gilmore movie night.

"Okay," Lorelai continued. "So I'm thinking, keeping with this Fourth of July theme, the only way to go for tonight's feature presentation, is the classic Independence Day. We've got aliens, Will Smith, and the possible annihilation of the human race. Any objections?"

"Nope!" said Rory.

"None from me," Logan added.

"Okay, I'll call Al's for the Chinese food. Get everything set up?" Lorelai pulled out her cell phone to call in their usual order.

"Al's?" Logan questioned as Rory went to search for the DVD. She found the correct one and popped it into the DVD player.

"Al's Pancake World."

"You order Chinese food from a pancake place?"

"Yeah, Al has the best Chinese food in town."

"You grew up in a strange town, Ace."

"Oh, you've only seen the half of it."

The house line started to ring, but Lorelai was still calling in their delivery order. "Can you get that?" Lorelai yelled from the kitchen.

She should have been paying closer attention. She should have checked the caller id before answering. She _shouldn't_ have been trying to swat Logan's hand away as he attempted to run his fingers through her hair. She was distracted.

"Hello?" Rory said as she giggled slightly, pushing Logan away as he tried to kiss her neck.

"Rory? Is that you? I thought I called your mother."

Rory froze, and nearly dropped the phone. _Crap_. "Um, hi Grandma," Rory responded loud enough for Lorelai to hear. She watched as Logan tensed. Lorelai came running into the living room from the kitchen, her eyes wide with horror. "Yeah, you did call mom. Sorry, I can give her the phone if you want."

She knew her mistake the second she said it. She had let her grandmother know that she was home. "No, it's quite alright," Emily replied. "I didn't realize that you were home. What happened? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah everything's fine, Grandma. Something personal came up and I needed to leave the campaign trail. But I'm okay, really. I've only been back for two days, and things have been a bit crazy. I'm so sorry I didn't call you."

She knew she was in trouble when Emily did not question Rory's rudeness. "So I take it that you will be joining your mother at Friday night dinner tomorrow?"

Rory's eyes widened in horror. "Well, the thing is, Grandma, I'm only back for one more day. I need to box pack up my things, and then Logan and I have an early flight to San Francisco the next day."

She didn't need the smack from her mother; Rory was already kicking herself for the slip up. "Logan? You're with Logan? Why are you with Logan? What's going on, Rory? Why are you really home?"

"Um." There was no way that Rory could possibly answer this question over the phone. She also knew that there was no way that either of them was getting out of dinner tomorrow night.

The subject of Logan Huntzberger had not come up in any of the conversations that Rory had with her grandparents since she turned down his proposal a year ago. Frankly, Rory thought that they were a bit disappointed in Rory. They had always loved Logan, and had practically been planning their wedding since the day they found out that Rory and Logan even knew each other. Other than the incident in which they had discovered that the two of them were having sex, the elder Gilmore's had always counted Logan as a member of the family. So when the relationship ended, it was never discussed among them again. It was as though the Hutzberger's themselves ceased to exist.

Yes, there was absolutely no way out of dinner, now that she had mentioned Logan's name.

"It's really complicated, Grandma," Rory said, hoping that would suffice for the time being. "Can we just discuss it at dinner tomorrow night?"

Rory heard her grandmother sigh. "Well, alright. I'll expect all three of you tomorrow night. See you then." Emily hung up, having forgotten that she had called with the intention of speaking to Lorelai.

Rory put the phone day. "_That_," she said, turning to Logan. "That was _your_ fault!"

"How is that my fault? I'm not the one who let slip that I was even here!"

"Yes, but if you hadn't been distracting me, I would have checked the caller id before answering, and thus avoided talking to Emily at all! Then we wouldn't have had to go to Friday night dinner tomorrow!"

"Hey, the only reason I have to go is because you mentioned my name!"

"No way. You would have come either way. There's no _way_ I would have let you leave me to deal with explaining to the Gilmore's why I quit my job all on my own."

Logan walked around to sink into the couch. Rory sat down next to him, followed by Lorelai.

"So…what are you going to tell them?" Logan asked, hesitating slightly.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Lorelai asked. The two turned to her, happy to accept the wisdom of the woman who had the most Richard and Emily experience.

"I'd go with the truth," she finally said. "They're going to find out anyway. About the cancer _and_ the dating thing. Honestly, it won't be that bad."

"Right, because _you_ always tell them the truth flat out," Rory said with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah yeah, I'm not exactly the best example in the world. But saying, 'Grandma, I came home because Logan has cancer, and by the way, we're dating again,' will be a lot easier than the, 'Mom, I'm pregnant' conversation that I had with her many moons ago. There are very few snide remarks Emily can make when you drop the big Cancer bomb."

"I'm more worried about the entirety of Hartford society knowing our personal business," said Logan, letting his head sink back onto the couch. "About our relationship or my health. I've barely even spoken to my parents about it."

"Have you talked to them at all?" Rory wanted to know.

"Yeah, I called them as soon as I had something to tell them. Mom checked herself into a spa and hasn't been heard from since. Dad…Dad got real quiet and said he'd talk to me about it after I begin treatment. Then he hung up. I have no idea what to think about that, so I'm not going to worry about it right now."

"Well I don't think Grandma and Grandpa are going to go and gossip about it to everyone in Society. I mean, if we ask them to keep it quiet, I'm sure they will. Won't they?" Rory turned to Lorelai, a questioning look in her eyes.

Lorelai shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

There was silence for a while as all three imagined the worst possible scenario for what dinner the following night would entail.

Lorelai was the first to break the silence. "Well, I think there's only one solution for this problem. Aliens invading the planet, Chinese food, and my good friend Alcohol."

"You have beer?" Rory asked with a questioning look.

"This situation is too dire for beer! We need something stronger! Like my old friend Jack Daniels!"

She pulled out the bottle, placing it in the middle of the coffee table.

"Oh, Jack!" Rory spoke to the bottle as though she were a damsel in some old western movie. "You've come to my rescue yet again! However will I repay you?"

* * *

><p>"So are you still mad at me from before, Ace, or am I allowed to touch you again?"<p>

Movie night was over, so Rory and Logan had returned to her room to get ready for bed. The mixture of Jack Daniels, Chinese food, and Will Smith fighting aliens had done the trick, allowing Rory to put off thinking about tomorrow's dinner with her grandparents for the time being.

Plus, the alcohol had made her slightly tipsy. She felt a bit too giddy to keep up her angry façade.

She feigned a deep sigh. "I guess you've suffered enough for one day. But don't think I won't be paying you back in the future."

Logan smirked. "I'm sure you will." Having removed his shirt, he stretched out on Rory's bed, leaving room for Rory to climb in next to him.

"I'm sorry about my grandparents," she said when she finally settled herself. "I know you're sick of talking to _everyone_ about having cancer."

"Don't worry about it, Ace. If this thing that we're doing is going to work, then I'm going to have to deal with them quite a bit. And anyway, they're not nearly as bad as my parents."

"You do know that Emily is going to start planning our wedding again, right? She'll be shopping for wedding invitations by morning."

Logan leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "For the record, if we do eventually get married, I don't want Emily _or_ Shira anywhere near the planning of the wedding. I'm not having some big, society affair that isn't even about us just to make our families happy."

Rory liked the sound of that, but had a problem with his choice of words. "I'm sorry, 'if?' I was under the impression that you _did_ plan on proposing to me again at some point in the future."

"Well, that depends. Do you plan on saying yes?"

Rory couldn't identify the feeling she had at Logan's question. "If you were to ask me right now? No. Not when everything's so uncertain. And I don't just mean because we were broken up a year ago, or because I don't have a job. It more has to do with the fact that _your_ future is so uncertain right now. This wouldn't be the right time. But you have to understand, Logan, just because I don't want to marry you until after we can be sure of a future doesn't mean I don't love you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Logan stroked her shoulder gently, giving her goosebumps. "I'm not worried. Not anymore. I think…part of the reason I ended it when you said no is because I _was_ worried. That we would eventually just break up because I couldn't get you to say yes. That and you bruised my ego a bit. But I get it now. I'm not so worried about us this time."

Rory closed her eyes, wrapping an arm around his stomach.

"So new topic," Logan said, clearly not ready to fall asleep on such a serious note. "That was fun earlier today, don't you think?"

"I'm not sure what exactly you're referring to," she mumbled, already half asleep.

"Yeah you do, Ace," Logan whispered. He ran his fingers gently down her arm, and her mind drifted to the events that had been interrupted earlier.

Her eyes snapped open, unsure of where he was going with this conversation. "If you think we're going to pick up where we left off right now, you've got another thing coming. My _mother_ is upstairs! With Luke!"

"I'm making a blanket statement." He was smirking at her. "You seemed pretty forward today. If that's what time apart does to you, then I've gotta say, I'm liking the results."

"Well what did you expect? I haven't had sex in a _year_! And you were all, 'oh, I'm going to go as slow as possible and _torture my girlfriend!_' Mean!"

"Well I enjoyed it, all the same. For future reference." She thought that would be the end of it when Logan went quiet, but he wasn't ready to drop it just yet. "You know, you should be that aggressive more often."

"Oh?" she questioned.

"Definitely. It was a huge turn on."

"Really?" She said it more like a statement than a question.

Logan nodded. An idea suddenly formed in her head. She was going to make him regret telling her that.

The alcohol still buzzing in her head spurred her forward, giving her courage. Swiftly, Rory pulled a leg over him and sat up, straddling Logan's lap. She then practically threw herself at his lips, kissing him fiercely.

"Rory – " Logan tried to pull back a bit to gain some sense of control over the situation. But she was having none of it. She pulled his lower lip between her teeth, swiping her tongue across it. He groaned into her mouth.

He was lost completely in what they were doing. She knew that he was no longer thinking about the fact that they were in her mother's house, or the fact that he was supposed to wait two days. This time, she would be the one to give out the torture. She was going to win this round.

Logan pulled himself into a sitting position to gain better access to her mouth, placing his hands on her back to bring her closer. She scraped her fingernails down his back, which only spurred him to close the distance completely. She whimpered softly as their chests touched, knowing exactly what sort of reaction the sound would elicit in Logan.

She could feel the evidence of how quickly she had turned him on against her leg. It barley took her a few minutes, but she had won. Logan, ever the cocky man that he was, didn't want to admit that she had just as much power over him as he did over her; arguably, she had more. She had one final action to perform before finishing this game they were playing. Repeating her move from earlier that day, Rory reached around to her back and took hold of one of his hands. Slowly, she guided it down between them, coming to rest at their core.

"Fuck!" Logan jumped at the touch, having realized exactly what they were doing at the moment. He practically shoved Rory off of him, rolling out of bed and into a standing position. Rory was in a fit of hysterics.

"That," Logan said, panting still. "_That_ was mean!"

She rolled onto her back, perching herself on her elbows. "Serves you right!" She smirked at him, looking very smug indeed.

"Oh, you think this is funny?" He glanced down at his tented boxers, causing Rory to giggle.

"I do, actually. I told you that I'd get you back. Now _you_ have to deal with being sexually frustrated for a while, and I get be smug about the reaction I brought out in you."

Logan groaned. "How do you expect me to fall asleep next to you _now_?"

Rory was positively brimming with glee. "Not my problem. Now you'll think _twice_ before laughing at me when you don't have time to finish what you started."

"Fine. You win, Ace. I surrender." He took a deep breath. "Great. Now I need to take a cold shower. Thank you." Logan picked up one of the towels from her desk, about to head off to the bathroom.

"Would you like me to join you?" Rory asked innocently. He glared at her before turning around again, leaving Rory laughing hysterically on her bed.

* * *

><p>"Do we <em>really<em> have to do this?"

Rory, Logan, and Lorelai were standing outside the front door of the Gilmore's house, staring down the door. On the one hand, Rory had missed her grandparents, and was definitely looking forward to seeing them. What she had not expected was needing to have a difficult conversation with them on their first encounter in several months.

The day had gone by quickly, of course. While her mother was at the Inn, Rory and Logan had worked on boxing up the things in her bedroom. When they eventually found an apartment, they would come back to collect Rory's things. Some of the clothes she'd need had been repacked into her suitcase, although they provided a bit more variety than what she'd taken with her on the road.

They took frequent coffee breaks. They were heading back from Luke's after one of these breaks when Rory suddenly wondered where her Logan box was.

"Your Logan box?" he asked her curiously.

"Yeah. My box of stuff with all sorts of things that reminded me of you. I asked my mom to throw it out, but I'm sure she didn't. She kept my Dean box when the two of us broke up the first time. I'm sure she kept the Logan box."

They eventually found the box in question hidden behind some junk in the garage. They spent a good portion of the afternoon going through the various pictures Rory had placed in there, as well as the many other things he had given her.

"Hey, this bracelet was _expensive!_" Logan said indignantly as he pulled out the bracelet he bought her for Valentine's Day. "You were gonna just throw it away?"

Rory shrugged. "I wasn't _really_ going to throw all this stuff out. I was upset when I asked Mom to do that. Originally I boxed all this stuff up in the hopes that, one day, I'd be able to look at it again. And at the time, I couldn't wear this bracelet anymore." She put the bracelet on her now, and went back to digging through her box of stuff.

Logan pulled out a piece of paper. "What's this?" he asked.

Recognizing it immediately, she snatched it away before he could read it. "It's the letter my mom wrote me after you begged her to ask me to give you a second chance. You still can't read it."

He spotted the pink leather. "The birkin bag? Ace, did you put every expensive present I bought you away?"

"I couldn't use _that_ after we broke up! I told you I loved you shortly after you gave it to me. If I used that bag, I'd have to think about it _every single time_!"

They dug through the piles of pictures, including several inappropriate ones, such as the shore pictures Rory took of Logan in the shower the morning of his graduation, before she finally pulled out the infamous rocket. She planned on putting it prominently on display in their new apartment.

"Yeah, you really have to do this." Before they had a chance to stop her, Lorelai rang the doorbell.

Emily herself answered the door almost immediately. "Rory! You're here! Richard, look! Rory's here!"

The trio stepped over the threshold, handing the waiting maid their coats.

"Hi Grandma!" Rory greeted, giving Emily a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Lorelai mimicked her mother's voice. "'And Lorelai, my daughter, how lovely to see you too!'" She switched back to her own, sarcastic tone. "'Thanks, Mom! So nice of you to notice my existence!'"

"Honestly, Lorelai! We saw you last week. We haven't seen Rory in months!" They proceeded to the parlor for drinks. Richard entered the room a second later, and giving his granddaughter a hug as well.

"Yes, and Logan is just invisible then."

"Oh, yes. Hello, Logan," Emily said flatly.

Rory bit her tongue as her grandfather made them all drinks. She had to remind herself that it wasn't Emily's fault. The last she had seen Logan, he had just broken up with Rory. She had to remind herself that Emily was still unaware of the current situation.

"So," Richard finally said when they were settled with drinks. "Rory, tell us. What is it that finds you back home that did not warrant a phone call?"

She could tell that her grandparents were upset with her. She hoped that the explanation would help to ease the hurt feelings slightly.

"I'm so sorry Grandpa, Grandma. Things were just so chaotic. I didn't even call mom until I was about to board my plane. And then it was all a mess, and everything was so complicated. Honestly, between everything else that was going on, calling you just slipped my mind."

"Yes, well. Care to explain _exactly_ what was so complicated?" Emily asked, smiling politely. There were daggers in her smile.

Rory glanced at Logan, unsure as to where she should begin. "A couple of days ago, a mutual friend of Logan and myself called me, wanting to talk about Logan." She paused again and turned to Logan, unable to say the rest. He understood, and continued for her.

"About a week ago I passed out at work, and my secretary took me to the hospital. She was worried because I'd been looking crappy for a while now. I called my friends and my sister, Honor, to come visit me while they ran a bunch of tests. A few days ago, I was officially diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. I have cancer."

"Oh my god!" Emily gasped. Richard set his glass down on the coffee table. Rory took Logan's hand. She felt like crying.

"Honor convinced me to come back home for treatment, because I don't really have anyone other than colleagues out west. She wanted to be able to help me. I agreed, so a couple of days ago I met with a doctor at Sloan Kettering in New York. I begin chemotherapy in about two weeks."

"And how exactly does Rory fit into all of this?" Emily asked, glaring at their interlocking hands. "Are you two back together?"

Rory wished her grandmother wouldn't be so harsh. "Our friend called to tell me what was happening. He wanted me to try and talk to Logan, but I decided to come home for as long as I needed to be. No one asked me to quit my job. I did that on my own. I'm going to be looking for a job in New York so I can be here to help Logan through chemo. As far as our relationship goes, we're just trying to take things one step at a time. We are _not_ engaged, and we don't plan on getting engaged anytime soon."

"We'd also appreciate it if you kept this information between us," Logan added. "I'm not really ready to discuss this with others outside of my friends and family just yet. If someone asks why Rory came home, please just say something about her having an issue with being on the road for a year. In addition, we'd appreciate it if you didn't discuss our relationship openly at functions for now. We both have a lot to deal with right now, and we just want to keep our private lives private for the time being."

Emily's attitude changed completely. She went from a suspicious grandmother to a concerned woman. "Oh, of course, Logan! We completely understand! This must be so hard on you! And your parents! I should send them a note."

"Do you think you could hold off on the note?" Logan asked. "I haven't really talked to them yet about Rory coming home, and I'd rather they hear that from me than anyone else."

"Oh, not at all!"

As Logan discussed his upcoming treatment with the elder Gilmore's, Rory reflected on the difficult months the two of them had ahead. It would be hard. She was scared out of her mind. But her grandparents were being supportive. Her mother was being supportive. And Logan was dealing with everything better than expected. When it eventually became too much for him again, she would be there to support him in return.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I hope you guys liked this chapter, despite the fact that I had to chop it up quite a bit. I did the best I could considering the fact that I needed to put a lot of things into just one chapter. I would like to jump back to New York as quickly as possible, so I'm going to try to keep the Palo Alto parts brief. And hopefully, I can get another chapter finished sometime this weekend. No guarantees though, because I have a lot of papers I need to begin working on.

As always, reviews are not required, but they are like sunshine and happiness.


	11. Italian Affair

**A/N:** Apparently these chapters are getting a lot more difficult to write, meaning they're going to take a bit longer for me to produce. But alas, I've managed to come up with something for your reading please. What's more, it's pretty high on the fluff meter, with only a smidgen of angst. Enjoy!

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><p><span>Chapter Eleven – Italian Affair<span>

Rory had to say that she was curious to see what Logan's life had been like in Palo Alto for the last year. He spoke to her about it briefly, but didn't seem to want to dwell on it too much. It didn't really surprise her; Logan had always been a very much, 'live in the moment' sort of guy. At the moment, his present consisted of his upcoming battle with cancer and repairing his relationship with Rory. Talking about the year they spent apart did not mesh with that image, and therefore he chose not to speak about it.

She didn't want to push him to either. She was so grateful that he was finally opening up to her a little about what he was feeling and thinking, and she thought he deserved to be able to keep this one thing to himself. She wasn't worried that he was trying to hide something from her or anything. If Rory had to guess, she thought that the reason he wasn't divulging details had more to do with the fact that he didn't want to upset her by talking about how he was okay without her.

She could empathize with that sentiment; it was the thing she felt the guiltiest about telling Logan when discussing her life following Senator Obama's campaign. But she couldn't _not _talk about it. She had loved being so immersed in what could potentially be one of the most historical times the country's political history. Attending debates and Obama's speeches had been both exciting and inspiring for Rory. Her life had completely revolved around this campaign. During her off hours, she would sit around with the other reporters having debates about the other presidential candidates. Rory had become a quick Obama supporter during her time following him, but not all of her colleagues were. Every waking moment she had found herself thinking about politics, current events, and the upcoming election. She had to admit that she loved every minute of it.

"I feel guilty about pulling you away from all that," Logan said to her on the plane to San Francisco, when Rory had finished telling him about the first Democratic candidate debate she had attended. It had been in June, back when she was still getting her footing with her new job. The debate was also the first time she didn't fall asleep thinking about Logan; her head had been so completely filled with everything she had heard from the candidates. She had written her article almost immediately after checking into her hotel room, banging the whole thing out without even pausing. Her head was still buzzing when she went to sleep that night. When she woke up the next morning, she had realized that she hadn't thought about Logan once since the debate, and immediately felt guilty about it.

Even so, it had been her first step forward towards moving on. A tiny one that had also caused her to take two steps back, but a step nonetheless.

Logan continued. "You were clearly in your element there. And you left it all behind because of me."

"Logan, _no_!"She took his hand, her heart clenching at his admission of guilt. "No one asked me to quit my job. I could have asked Hugo to give me a couple of days off instead. I _chose_ to come home for as long as I was needed. I wasn't forced."

He remained silent for a moment. "Why did you do it, Rory? Why did you come home, not even knowing if I'd want to see you?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. I didn't even think about it, really. I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was here for you. And…I needed to see you for myself. It wasn't enough to just listen to Finn tell me what was going on. I needed to be there. He called me, and I panicked. All of a sudden I felt this overwhelming sense that I could lose you, _really_ lose you forever. And I couldn't _stand_ that, Logan! So I was prepared to deal with you hating me, as long as I could see you and cement the fact that you were still alive in my mind."

Logan placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I didn't hate you, Ace. Maybe I resented you a bit when we first broke up, but I didn't hate you. Not really, anyway."

"I know that, now." She squeezed his hand and continued. "Don't ever feel guilty for pulling me away from my job. No matter where I was, or what job I had, I would have come. You being okay is more important than any job I could have. I'll get a new one. But you…the world can't get another Logan Huntzberger. So if what you need to make it through this is me here supporting you, then that's where I'll be."

Logan fell asleep shortly after their conversation, and stayed asleep for the rest of their flight. She noticed how his energy seemed to come and go in random spurts lately. She wondered how much worse it would get once he started chemotherapy. She wondered how she'll handle being the strong one for Logan.

She made a list of New York based newspapers and magazines to send her resume to while she slept. When that task was finished, she started to research different neighborhoods in New York to apartment shop. (Thank god for on flight internet.) This task was much more difficult. She wanted to find a two bedroom so that Logan could have an office to work in, but an extra bedroom cost money. Despite their agreement to shell out a little extra money, Rory was determined to be able to split the cost of rent with Logan. However, she was starting to believe that this would be an impossible task. Why did Manhattan have to be so _expensive_?

She had a lot more luck when she settled on one bedroom apartments. Rory browsed through listing after listing of apartments, writing down information so she could share her favorites with Logan later. She was had been looking at one particular listing on the Upper East Side when the captain turned back on the fasten seatbelt sign, signaling Rory to turn off her computer.

"I like that one," Logan said. She hadn't realized that he had woken up.

"Yeah?" She liked it too. Loved it, in fact. The kitchen was a little small, but it contained brand new, stainless steel appliances. The bedroom was large enough that they could fit a decent amount of furniture and still have room to move around. The living room was also quite large, and Rory was sure she could create some kind of work area for both herself _and_ Logan. The bathroom wasn't too small either. But her favorite part was the large windows, exposed brick on one wall, and small balcony. Best of all, she might actually be able to afford it. It would be a stretch. But, in this instance, she'd be willing to take a little bit of money from her dad (who would surely offer to _buy_ her a condo once she got around to telling him she was staying in New York) to be able to afford paying her rent and eating every month.

"Yeah, I can picture us there," Logan told her. "You've been doing a lot of homework, I see."

She ignored his teasing as she powered down her laptop, storing it under the seat in front of her. "I think that one is my favorite. It's beautiful. Better yet, we might be able to afford it on our own. Most utilities are already included; we'd only have to pick up internet and cable. And it's a few blocks from Central Park, so it's a great location."

Logan chucked. "Is there anything _wrong_ with it?"

"Kitchen's a little small."

"You don't cook, Ace."

"I cook with you! And anyway, having a big kitchen could come in handy."

"Explain to me when we'd need to have a big kitchen?"

"Okay. What if one day my mom comes to visit for dinner and brings Luke, and we were going to order takeout because that's what you do in New York, but Luke _insists_ on cooking, so he needs to use our kitchen? _Then_ we would need to have a bigger kitchen!"

"I think that kitchen's big enough that one person could cook in it, Ace. And is that really going to be your deciding factor?" Logan smirked. "Everything else looked great. I'm a huge fan of the size of that bedroom." He let his hand drift slowly up her thigh, and Rory smacked it away playfully.

"We're on a _plane_ Logan! About to land!"

"I am aware of that fact," he whispered into her ear, running his fingers through her hair. "I am also aware of the fact that we have waited the appropriate amount of time. In addition, we will soon be at my apartment in Palo Alto, where there will be no one to interrupt us." He kissed her chastely, then settled back into his seat, breaking all contact. Rory glared at him, which only made his smirk wider.

"Just wanted to make you aware of the facts, Ace."

She inwardly cursed him for this game that he was playing.

* * *

><p>They made it as far as the front door. After that, as far as the couch.<p>

Rory had to admit, Logan played the game masterfully. They walked off the plane, picked up their luggage at baggage claim, found the car service Logan had ordered to pick them up from the airport, and made the 45 minute drive all the while barely touching. Logan kept up a stream of conversation the entire time, smiling at her pleasantly, but he hardly laid a hand on her. She had almost forgotten about his actions on the plane. That is, until he closed the door to the apartment. Rory had just enough time to take in the open space of his entry way before he shoved her up against the door, attaching his lips to her neck.

Of course, Logan needed to be seen to first. He had sperm that he had to send off to be frozen. Not that Rory minded. Logan needed very little time to rest before he was carrying her to the couch and repeating his slow torture from a few days ago, without interruption. While she would never tell him this, Rory had to say that it was well worth the wait.

Afterwards, Logan pulled a blanket he had laying on the back of the couch over the two of them. Rory picked up his t-shirt from where it had been discarded on the floor and pulled it over her head. She curled up next to Logan, a very satisfied smile on her face.

"So this is my apartment," Logan finally said in a very matter of fact tone.

"Nice," she replied flatly. "I'm a big fan of the front door. And the couch."

"Ah, yes. I was a bit indifferent to them before, but I'm starting to discover their appeal."

She wondered if this was the apartment he had described to her when he proposed. She tried to glance outside without his noticing, to see if she could spot the avocado tree.

Logan spotted her, however. "This isn't it, Rory."

"Isn't what?" she replied, trying to be nonchalant.

"It's not the place I talked about renting with you. I backed out of the lease. I picked that place out with you in mind. I couldn't go through with living there without you. So I got this place instead."

"Oh," she said simply. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I don't know. I just feel like I should be sorry."

"Well don't be. I'm not." The comment made Rory frown, but he brought his lips to hers, erasing it quickly.

He continued. "Maybe I should explain. Breaking up was awful. I was stubborn and stupid. Not talking to you was equally as awful. But I'm not sorry that I moved out here, and proved to myself that I _can_ be successful on my own. With that in mind, I don't care to do the separation thing again. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work."

She liked the sound of that.

It was easy, in this moment, for Rory to forget for a while about all the obstacles they had in front of them. She didn't have to think about cancer, or talking about the state of their relationship, or finding a new job and an apartment to live in. There was just her and Logan, fulfilling each other's physical needs for a while. They could just exist without complications, if only for the time being.

"So you haven't even seen the bedroom yet," Logan said with a smirk. Rory was about to respond with an equally clever remark when she suddenly was suddenly brought back to another time and place, about three years ago. She remembered a very similar instance where they had also failed to make it past the couch.

Rory sighed heavily, playing along. "Wow. Okay. Don't think that's going to work a second time." She gathered herself up and made her way towards what she assumed was the bedroom. "You're making me feel cheap, Huntzberger!" she called back playfully.

Logan gathered the blanket around his waist and ran up behind her. She squealed as his arm snaked its way around her waist, kissing her neck playfully. She turned around to face him so she could kiss him back properly, grinning the entire time.

"I guess this is the part where I say that I wasn't working blue, but it's a lie. I totally am." He gave her one more smoldering kiss before gathering her into his arms and carrying her through his bedroom door, kicking it closed behind him.

* * *

><p>"If we're going to keep doing this, I'm gonna need some sustenance or something."<p>

They had stayed in bed for hours, becoming reacquainted with each other's bodies. Rory found that a year of nothing did a lot to reignite one's sexual appetite. She'd been impressed with Logan's stamina before, but she was amazed at what a year apart had done to them. They had gotten in to Logan's apartment hours ago, but all they'd managed to do was have sex. Repeatedly. And neither one of them seemed ready to leave the bed just yet.

Well, for very long, anyway. Rory was getting hungry.

Logan smiled at her as the sound of Rory's stomach growling filled the room. "I guess you have another need that must be taken care of. I don't know whether or not I should be insulted that I'm not enough for you."

She bit his shoulder playfully. "You should know better than to deny a Gilmore of food, Huntzberger! Now, come on! You're not getting anything else until you feed me!"

Logan laughed, gathering Rory into his arms. "How's pizza sound?"

Rory approved. Logan kissed her quickly before rolling out of bed. He pulled a clean pair of jeans out from his closet (since the pair he had been wearing earlier was still on the floor in the hallway where they had been discarded in Rory's frantic need to remove them) and put them on before heading to the kitchen to order their pizza.

Rory decided that she should take this time to check in with her mother. She had meant to call Lorelai sooner, but she had been a bit distracted.

"The prodigal daughter finally checks in!" said Lorelai when she finally picked up her phone.

"Sorry, Mom! It's been hectic since we landed. I haven't had a chance to call you until now."

"Meaning you've been in bed since you got there, and Logan just got up to use the bathroom."

She should have known better than to try to hide from her mom the fact that her and Logan had not stopped having sex for longer than it took to recharge their batteries since they got to his apartment. "Close. He went to order pizza."

"Of course. A Gilmore needs her nourishment. So are you two coming up for air anytime soon?"

Rory grinned as Logan came back into the room. He gave her a questioning look. _Mom_, she mouthed to him. Logan nodded, sitting back on the bed in front of her. He kissed her cheek and tickled her exposed arm gently, causing her to giggle.

"Rory?"

She forgot that she was even on the phone with her mother. "Sorry. What was the question again?"

"Are you coming up for air any time soon?"

Rory bit her lower lip, looking up into Logan's eyes. His smile was wider than she'd seen it in the last couple of days. She hadn't seen him look this happy since before they had broken up.

"Nope. Don't think so," Rory finally replied. And she wasn't even embarrassed to admit it to her mother.

"Well okay, kid. Just remember to shower at some point. Cleanliness is next to Godliness and all that good stuff."

She giggled as Logan pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I will, Mom. Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Hey Rory?" her mother said before Rory was able to hang up.

"Yeah?"

"You sound really happy. Happier than I've heard you in a while."

She studied Logan's face. She took in his wide smile as he watched her, and her own grin in return. She took note of the way her pulse quickened under his careful touch and scrutiny.

"I am, Mom."

She hung up her phone and placed it back on Logan's nightstand.

"What was that all about?" he asked Rory with a chuckle.

"My mom thinks I sound happy."

Logan leaned forward to kiss her gently. Rory felt her stomach flutter.

"Yup," she finally said when Logan pulled away. "Definitely happy. God, is that weird? I feel like I shouldn't be this happy right now. The only reason we got back together is because you have – "

Logan cut her off by capturing her lips in his again. "Hey. No using the C word right now. Today I want to not worry about anything. Instead, I want to have my way with you, and tomorrow we'll get back to real life."

Rory could live with that. For now, there were Logan's lips on hers, and his hands exploring her body, bringing her completely undone.

* * *

><p>Packing up Logan's apartment was a blur. They sold most of his furniture, since it would be too difficult to ship any of it back east. And anyway, the furniture Logan had picked out for his place in Palo Alto practically screamed out how expensive it had been. Rory wanted to decorate their new apartment much the way the house she grew up in was decorated: with a random collection of things that Lorelai had picked up throughout the years. She wanted it to have character. She wanted it to feel welcoming. So they sold the furniture, putting the money aside to purchase new furniture later.<p>

Unfortunately, that did not make packing any easier. Logan had inevitably collected a lot of Stuff. Some of it Rory was willing to keep, such as the very shiny and expensive looking coffee maker/espresso machine that she had named Angelo.

"Why Angelo?" Logan asked her as he boxed up the machine and set it aside.

"Dunno. It looks Italian. Plus I figure, this is the closest I'll ever get to having an affair with a hot, Italian man."

Logan smirked. "Should I be jealous that you're going to leave me for the coffee maker?"

"Oh, no. You have nothing to worry about. It'll be hot and heavy for a while. You might catch me in a compromising position with a cup of coffee on occasion. But then slowly he'll stop looking so shiny. He'll break down on me one day, and I'll come to my senses. That'll be the end of our affair."

She had a brief disagreement about some of his books. Logan wanted to sell the ones that she already had, along with any of the movies, so they didn't have any repeats. Considering Rory's extensive book collection, there was quite a lot of overlap. But the idea of selling books pained Rory. They weren't even her books, but the idea of parting with them saddened her. Logan won out in the end, reasoning that they'd have very limited space in their new Manhattan apartment, particularly for books. So they sold off the excess books and movies, adding that money to the growing pile of what would be set aside to furnish their apartment.

The packing up of Logan's current apartment and planning for their new one kept Rory's mind occupied. She didn't have to think too much about the fact that she still needed to find a new job. More importantly, she didn't have to deal with the crushing fear of Logan's upcoming chemotherapy treatments. She had barely done any research on either Hodgkin's lymphoma or chemotherapy. If Rory was being truthful, she'd have to admit that she was putting it off for as long as possible. Their time in Palo Alto was becoming a brief escape from the reality of the situation.

Of course, they couldn't avoid it completely. Every so often, they would come screeching back into reality with a heavy force. After spending their entire first day in bed, becoming reacquainted with what it was like to be physical with one another, they had to wait yet another two days before having sex again so Logan could make another sperm deposit, something Rory had not particularly wanted to do after going a year without. Logan wasn't exactly thrilled either, but he saw attempting to plan for a future, their future, to be a bit more pressing than his current desire for her. Then there were the many instances where Logan would suddenly become exhausted in the middle of the day and retire to his room for a short nap, leaving Rory alone to worry about him. On a couple of occasions she'd wake up in the middle of the night to feel him gone from beside her, only to discover that he'd gone to take a shower. When she questioned him, Logan told her that he'd woken up drenched in sweat. She'd then spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, her worried mind unable to shut off.

However, those moments aside, everything else seemed to be perfect. They packed up his apartment during the day, and at night he'd show her around the town that had been his home for the past year. They wandered around the Stanford campus, and have dinner in some of her favorite restaurants. Rory felt a bit spoiled, being treated to nice dates every night, but she justified Logan's actions because she knew that, soon, their life would get very difficult. She had no idea how to help her boyfriend deal with having cancer, and she frankly didn't want to deal with it just yet. That was for them to worry about after they got back. For now, she wanted to allow Logan to escape with her here.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Well, we've finally reached the point where Logan's going to start chemotherapy. As I've said before, I will try to keep the updates coming as quickly as possible, but my schedule/the upcoming angst is probably going to make the writing take a bit longer than some of you would like. I'll do my best, though.

Reviews are not mandatory. But they do help me make it through some very stressful days.


	12. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

**A/N****:** Once again, I'm sorry that this chapter took so long. It ended up giving me a bit of trouble. What was supposed to be a short section about Logan's hair turned into an entire chapter, so I had to push off the chemotherapy stuff until the next one. This chapter is also a little bit angsty. There wasn't much I could do too lighten it up a bit, so I tossed in some M rated goodness instead. I know some of you have expressed your appreciation the last time I added some in. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

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><p><span>Chapter Twelve – Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow<span>

"I think I'm going to shave my head."

Logan was set to have his first round of chemotherapy the following day. They'd been back at Honor's for two days, and Rory made sure to busy during that time.

They went to look at apartments almost the minute they got off the plane. She wanted them to move in as quickly as possible. After doing copious amounts of research on chemotherapy while in Palo Alto, she realized that Logan soon might not have the energy to be dragged around the City in an attempt to find a place for them to live. In addition, they would still need to furnish the place. There were so many things they needed to take care of, so Rory wanted to take as much of the burden off Logan as she possibly could. She wanted to do for him what little she could to alleviate any stress he might have.

Part of that decision to help ease Logan's stress came towards the end of their Palo Alto trip. While they were trying their best not to discuss cancer in any way, the subject was always looming over them like a grey storm cloud about to erupt. Try as he might to hide his symptoms, Logan couldn't possibly keep them all from her forever. Of course, it had been easy for Rory to notice the weight loss and the sweating when she was first reunited with him after a year's separation. But Logan had failed to fill her in on everything. He hadn't wanted her, or anyone for that matter, to worry too much, so he only informed them on the most obvious of these symptoms.

It happened one night when Rory was woken up by the sound of Logan coughing. The coughs racked through his chest dryly, making it hard for him to take a breath. Silently, Rory rolled out of bed and hurried off to the kitchen, bringing him a glass of cold water. When he finally got his breathing under control, he downed half the glass in one gulp. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, curling one leg up under her.

"Are you okay?" Rory asked.

Logan nodded. "I'm fine," he said, although his voice came out rather raspy. "It's all normal, really."

"You haven't been coughing before. Are you sure you're fine?"

"Ace, I'm okay." His whole body was tense, as though he was physically trying to keep whatever pain he was feeling inside so she wouldn't have to see it. He refused to relax his body.

She sighed. She hated when he shut down like that.

"Logan. You don't always have to be fine. Things are going to get a lot worse once you start chemo."

"Can we _not_ talk about cancer right now?"

She wasn't going to give in that easily, not this time. "No. Not when you wake up in the middle of the night coughing uncontrollably. Logan's it's only me. You don't have to be strong every minute. Please, just tell me what's wrong."

He sighed, releasing the tension in his shoulders. "No, it's not the first time that's happened. My chest hurts a lot."

Rory nodded. "What else?"

It took Logan a few seconds before he was prepared to answer. "And I'm pretty itchy some of the time. And…I've been taking cold showers in the middle of the night because I keep sweating through my clothes. I didn't want to wake you."

Rory then noticed that the sheets were drenched in sweat. She gently pushed his damp hair off his forehead, trying to comfort him.

"Go hop in the shower," she told him. "I'll change the sheets."

It was then that Rory realized how behind she was on research. She hardly knew _anything_ about chemotherapy, or what to expect over the next six months. It felt good to be throwing herself into research again; she didn't realize how much she'd missed it. It felt like she was actually working towards something, as though her research could help her get through whatever she was about to be tested with. Although, in the back of her mind, she knew that no amount of research would compare to what the reality would hold.

So in preparation for Logan's upcoming chemotherapy, Rory wanted to get a move on apartment hunting. From what she'd learned, he wouldn't be exhausted and nauseous all the time. It might not even be that bad. But Rory figured that, the less strain she had to put on him, the better. If she could prepare even a little bit, then she would.

She considered them lucky on the apartment front. Apartment hunting had been a breeze, much easier than anticipated. The one they had both fallen in love with on the plane turned out to be a bust. However, the building manager told them that a new apartment had just opened up in the building a few days ago, one that he hadn't had a chance to list yet. The rent was the same; however it was a corner apartment, so the bathroom was slightly bigger. In addition, they had a much better view. Upon seeing the excited look in her eyes, Logan pulled out his checkbook to make the security deposit before Rory could protest that he was paying for all of it.

"I'm giving you half of that," she said stubbornly as they sat down to sign the lease.

"Ace, you don't have a job yet. Let me pay the security deposit; I have the money. Let me do this _one_ thing for you."

So Rory relented, knowing that this was a futile argument, and that they'd have plenty more opportunities to argue over the amount of money Logan put into things compared to her lousy income. The apartment was empty already, so they decided to officially begin moving their things in the following week, halfway between Logan's first and second chemotherapy sessions. At the very least they needed to find a bed, while they could fill up the rest of the apartment over time. They were both eager to get away from Honor's watchful eye.

It wasn't that she was prying. It was more the fact that she wanted to know how things were going with their plans every second. In addition, Colin and Finn had decided to return to New York the minute Rory and Logan got back from Palo Alto, making it even more impossible for Rory to get anything done. Once out of Honor's apartment, Colin and Finn would have nowhere else to stay. There wouldn't be a spare bedroom in the apartment, so if they wanted to visit they'd be sleeping on the couch. Rory would be damned if those two would be crashing in her living room for longer than a day or two.

It was the night before Logan's chemotherapy that he brought up the subject of shaving his head. It had been an eventful day, to say the least. They'd managed to settle on a mattress and a bed frame, as well as a comforter set, and had it shipped over to the apartment. They'd also found a desk for Logan. Rory had made this a priority. If he was to be working from home, she didn't want him to be doing his work from bed all the time. He needed a workspace. She felt rather accomplished, although now they'd probably have to hold off on buying more furniture until after Rory got a job. (Much to Logan's dismay; but Rory was adamant in insisting that they split everything evenly.)

He brought it up at dinner. Between Honor, Josh, Logan, Rory, Colin, and Finn, there were far too many mouths to feed, so rather than cooking they ordered enough Chinese food to feed a small army. Rory could tell from the way Logan was fidgeting slightly with his utensils that he was nervous about the next day. So she was a little surprised when he mentioned shaving his head.

Rory hadn't really thought about it before. Of course, she knew that his hair would eventually fall out. Her research indicated that not everyone loses their hair; some people only reported a slight thinning. But the vast majority of survivors she'd read about said they started losing hair sometime around the third or fourth session. She figured she had a little bit of time before they got to that point.

"Are you sure?" Rory questioned when Logan brought up the subject. She'd always loved his hair. She found it soft and comforting, and she loved running her fingers through it. She couldn't picture him without his hair. She knew it would grow back eventually. She even knew that this was inevitable. But the thought of Logan shaving his hair off still saddened her.

"I've been thinking about it for the last two weeks. I'm sure. I just don't think I can handle watching my hair start to fall out in chunks. I'd rather just shave it off now."

There was silence at the table as everyone took in Logan's words. It occurred to Rory how real everything was getting. She knew he would be fine. All of the research she'd done lead her to the conclusion that Logan would more likely than not be okay. Paris told her he would be okay, that Hodgkin's lymphoma is one of the most treatable forms of cancer there is. Even so, she couldn't think about the word 'cancer' without associating it with the very real fear that he might _not_ be okay. That he might be in that small percentage that doesn't recover from this form of cancer. This discussion was heavy reminder of that fact.

Surprisingly, Josh was the one who finally broke the silence. "I'll do it too," he said.

Honor turned to stare at her husband incredulously. "Babe. Are you _joking_?"

"You don't have to do that, man," Logan told his bother in law.

"I know I don't. But you're Honor's closest family. For two weeks we've been trying to come up with a way to show you our support. So this is how I'm showing it."

Honor looked like she was about to cry. "That is quite possibly the sweetest thing you've ever said."

Suddenly, Finn drained his glass in one gulp, slamming it back down on the table. "What the hell. I'm doing it too."

"Guys, really." Logan was starting to look slightly embarrassed. "You don't have to do this."

"You're right. We don't," Colin added. "But we're all doing it anyway, so just get over it. You don't want to talk to any of us about what you're thinking or feeling, fine. So just shut up, let us all just shave our heads with you, and be grateful that you have such amazing friends who are willing to risk getting laid because we buzzed all our hair off for you."

"I dunno," Rory said with a smile. Colin and Finn could be annoying, but the support they were showing tugged at her heart. She was reminded of why it was Logan hung out with them in the first place. "You might be able to get some sympathy sex. I'm sure you can find someone who'd go for the whole, 'I buzzed my hair because my best friend has cancer' angle."

"Really?" Finn asked. "Would that actually work?"

Honor glanced at her husband and nodded.

Of course, Finn took the nod as some sort of a sign. "Does this mean you're finally going to leave that husband of yours and admit that you want me to ravish you, love?"

"Finn, stop hitting on my sister. It's creepy and gross."

"While I appreciate the chivalry, little bro, I can speak for myself." Honor turned to face Finn. "Finn, stop hitting on me. It's creepy and gross."

"The _point_ – " Colin said, interrupting the argument before Finn was able to make a comeback. " – is that we're doing this with you whether you like it or not. This is the only thing you'll let us do to help you. So shut up and get the razor."

**Break**

The decision had been made. Rory and Honor sat around the bathroom while Josh, Colin, Finn, and Logan discussed how to best go about this process. After a rather pointless argument, Honor eventually brought a chair in from the kitchen, placing towels around the floor under it to catch the fallen hair.

It had been decided that Logan would go last. While the other's hair would grow back quickly, Logan's hair wouldn't return until after his chemotherapy was complete, which could take anywhere from six months to a few years, depending on the progress he made. They had decided not to shave off their hair completely, but to buzz it short. While the boys were being supportive, no one, not even Logan, was ready to completely part with all the hair on their collective heads just yet.

Rory sat on the edge of the bathtub next to Logan, one hand held firmly in his, the other running fingers absentmindedly through his soft, yellow locks. She didn't want them to go. She felt more attached to his hair than was logical. But this was something Logan needed to do.

Josh went first, having been the one to originally step up to the plate. Honor was hesitant at first, but one look at her brother's slightly nervous expression set her mind at ease, and she brought the razor through her husband's hair. She laughed as the mess of brown fell to the floor, watching the hair fall under her gentle hand. Honor's giggles caused the rest of the group to laugh, setting them at ease as well.

Finn was next. He didn't even bother to sit down in the chair. Instead, he took a shot, grabbed the razor from Honor's hand, yelled, "in omnia paratus!" and dragged the razor across his head harshly. He hacked off hunks with little rhyme or reason, not even caring if he was doing the job evenly. Logan burst into a fit of hysterics, causing the others to join in as well. Logan's laughter was contagious. With him feeling comfortable, the others relaxed more as well.

The light atmosphere caused Logan himself to step up when it was Colin's turn. Colin had been the most hesitant to participate, but he wasn't about to be the only one not joining in on the group decision.

"You better not screw this up, Huntzberger," Colin said as he took a deep, nervous breath.

But Logan was careful. Sure, it must have been tempting for him to mess with his friend. He could have shaved anything into his head. But this wasn't a time for jest. The atmosphere may have lightened a bit, but not enough to pull pranks on one another.

It was finally the moment of truth. Logan took the final seat, glancing around at the newly shaved heads of his friends. He turned to face Rory and hand her the razor, silently pleading with her to do this for him. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted her to be the one to do it. If she was going to be his rock throughout this battle, she had to be the one who made this first move.

Rory sighed. She had been worried about this.

"Are you sure?" she asked, taking hold of the razor.

"I need to do this," Logan responded. It wasn't exactly an answer, but it was enough.

Rory kissed him gently, first on the lips, then on his forehead, trying to tell him that she loved him without using words. Logan nodded in response, tracing her jaw line with his thumb. He understood.

She moved around him until she stood behind him. She was nervous, although she wasn't sure why. Rory took a deep breath, running her fingers through his hair one last time. Finally, she switched the razor on. She wasn't ready to do this, but it was now or never. And unfortunately, never wasn't an option anymore.

"Don't shut your eyes!" Logan said, raising his voice slightly. She blinked, looking straight ahead at herself in the mirror. She hadn't even realized that her eyes had drifted closed.

"Sorry!" she muttered, taking another deep, steadying breath. With more focus this time, Rory brought the razor through Logan's hair.

The room was utterly silent this time. The relaxed atmosphere had disappeared as Rory's hand caused Logan's hair to slowly fall to the floor. She didn't look up as she meticulously brought the razor across his head. If she looked into the mirror, Rory would have to see Logan's face as his hair slowly disappeared. Instead, she concentrated on each individual section of hair as the razor swept across Logan's head. She watched as the yellow chunks broke away and slowly drifted into a pile. With each stroke, Rory detached herself from her actions. If she focused on the movement of her hand rather than what it was causing, she didn't have to think about the reason they were doing this.

When she finally finished, she couldn't look at him. She switched off the razor, placing it down on the counter. Logan brushed the excess hair off his shoulders and stood up, examining his newly shaven head in the mirror.

"What do you think?" Logan asked the room. No one responded. The others knew that he was really waiting to hear from Rory, wanting her to finally come back into her own head and look at him directly. She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see just yet.

"Ace, look at me."

But she shook her head.

"Just give me a minute, okay? I want to keep the image I have of you for a few seconds longer."

She felt Logan's hand run soothingly through her hair. She sighed into this small gesture of comfort. She felt silly for even needing it. Finally, she opened her eyes.

Rory wasn't sure what caused it. But at the sight of Logan without his hair, his soft, beautiful hair, the reality of the situation finally hit her. The words '_Logan has cancer'_ were flashing in her mind like some giant, neon billboard. The fear she had been pushing away, the fear that she could lose Logan for good this time, suddenly became overwhelming.

"Rory?" Logan questioned. Her face fell, and her body was shaking with suppressed sobs.

"We'll just – " Honor started to say, but didn't finish her sentence as she grabbed hold of Colin and Finn, dragging them out of the bathroom as Josh followed, closing the bathroom door behind him. When the door shut, Rory couldn't hold it in any longer; she began sobbing uncontrollably. Logan gathered her into his arms, pulling her head into his chest. She lost all ability to hold herself up at that point, leaning into Logan for support. The two sank to the bathroom floor. She clung to Logan as he stroked her hair, whispering soothing words of reassurance. They were a tangle of interwoven arms wrapped around each other as Rory sobbed into his chest, leaving a wet mark on his t-shirt. Over and over again she muttered, "I can't lose you, I can't lose you, I can't lose you." Logan continued to whisper reassuringly to her, stroking her hair and kissing her gently wherever his lips managed to reach; her head, her cheek, her neck, her shoulder.

Rory's tears eventually subsided, and her breathing slowly returned to normal. Still they stayed in their seated position on the bathroom floor, Logan's arms wrapped tightly around Rory, his fingers rubbing a pattern into her back gently. They remained that way for a while. Words weren't necessary.

"I'm sorry," Rory finally whispered when she was able to speak.

"For what?"

"For breaking down like that. I'm supposed to be the one supporting you, not the other way around."

"Rory." Logan took hold of her chin and turned it so she was looking directly into his eyes. "You said before that I don't always have to be strong. Well, neither do you. Just because you're not the sick one doesn't mean this isn't affecting you. You don't have to be strong for me every second."

"I'm just so scared of losing you," Rory admitted. "I've been scared before, but never so much as I was right at that moment. And I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just don't want to lose you."

"It's okay," he reassured her. "It will all be okay. I'm right here."

**Break**

But as the end of the day drew closer, Rory could tell that Logan was having trouble believing his own words. He had managed to calm her down as they lay there on the bathroom floor, enough for them to rejoin the others as they watched a movie together on the couch. At first, it was almost easy to forget what was to come the next day as they laughed together while watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But as time wore on, Rory noticed that reality was starting to set in for Logan in much the same way it had struck her so suddenly in the bathroom. Her freak out seemed to be affecting him more than he let on. At first he grew tense, his muscles tightening up and his hands clenching into fists. Rory slipped one of her hands into his, causing them to relax slightly. But he then grew fidgety, shifting his weight every few minutes. She leaned into him, but he refused to calm down. As he became more and more nervous, she grew more focused. She hadn't meant for her freak out to bring one on for Logan.

"I'm going to bed," Logan announced the second the credits started to roll, standing up before anyone could respond.

"I'll be in soon," Rory said. He nodded once before making his way towards the bedroom, not even pausing to kiss Rory goodnight before he left.

"What happened before?" Honor asked quietly when they heard the sound of the closing bedroom door. Josh, Colin, and Finn all scooted closer to Rory, wanting to keep their voices down.

"I don't know exactly," she told them. "I got a little upset, because I was suddenly struck with the reality of Logan having cancer and starting chemo tomorrow. But he was fine. He comforted _me_. And he's been fine these last two weeks as well. He hasn't gotten really upset since I first got here."

"Well something's obviously changed in his mind between the time since you shaved his head and sitting here watching the movie," Honor pointed out.

Rory shrugged. "Maybe he was just in a state of denial until now. He's put so much energy into repairing our relationship that I don't think he's really let himself think about it for too long."

"Have you…I mean, you guys have _talked_ about it, right?" Colin asked.

"A little," she said. "He didn't really _want_ to talk about it while we were in California. He kept putting it off and trying to pretend like it wasn't happening. And I let him. I wanted him to be able to escape it for a little while. Maybe I shouldn't have. I should have made him talk about it with me."

"You couldn't have gotten him to anyway," said Honor. "It's not your fault, Rory. He's just not used to letting others see weakness. He doesn't like doing it, around anyone. Even around us, the closest people in his life right now."

Rory sighed. "I should go be with him. He needs me right now."

"It'll be okay, Rory," Finn said as Rory got up from the couch. "He'll come around. He won't always shut you out."

She knew it was true, but it was still hard for her to deal with.

Logan was asleep when she entered the room, so she silently got changed and slipped under the covers next to him. She didn't crawl into his arms like she normally would, not wanting to disturb him. If ever there was a night he deserved to sleep uninterrupted, it was this one. Instead she turned over onto her stomach, hugging her pillow close to her chest. She squeezed it tight, showing it all the comfort she wanted to give Logan.

But Logan wasn't as sound asleep as he appeared to be. He shifted positions every few minutes. He would move gently at first, not wanting to disturb her, but every so often he'd jerk awake violently, as though he'd been about to fall asleep but then was suddenly gripped with fear of what tomorrow would bring.

Finally, after over two hours of Logan's tossing about, Rory turned over to face Logan after being forced awake by his movements once again.

Rory ran her hand down his arm soothingly. "Shh," she said, trying to get him to relax. He let out a breath and looked into her eyes. They held so much worry and uncertainty there. She kissed him once gently, but as she pulled away Logan took hold of her face and pulled her back in.

He kissed her franticly, his tongue seeking entrance into her mouth. Rory complied, wanting to show him that she was there completely. She'd never been kissed like this by him before. There was so much need in his movements, like he couldn't touch enough of her. His hands tried to be everywhere at once.

"Rory," he whispered as his lips moved along her jaw. His frantic movements scared her a little. It was as though he was afraid of running out of time, like he was trying to make sure she was real. Make sure she was solidly here, before one of them, him most likely, disappeared.

She brought his lips back to hers, trying to slow him down a bit. "Logan, it's okay. I'm here. It's going to be okay."

Logan shook his head. Those weren't the words he needed to hear right now. "I need you, Rory. Please."

The desperate want in his voice was her undoing. Her lips crashed back into his, kissing him with as much desperate need as he had kissed her. She sought entrance into his mouth, their tongues dueling for supremacy. His hands slowly made their way down her back to the edge of her shirt and pulled it up swiftly, only breaking contact for long enough for him to pull it over her head. He tossed it carelessly on the floor and reached down to pull offer her bottoms. Rory helped him along, kicking them down her legs as she ran her hands up his already bare chest, fastening them around his neck. She rolled on top of him, needing to be closer. She needed the satisfaction of feeling his bare chest on hers.

"Rory," he said roughly. She sucked his lower lip into her mouth, causing him to groan into her. She felt his arousal against her leg, and her hand slipped down between them to grasp it. With a moan, Logan flipped them over so that he was on top, hovering over her. He placed open mouth kisses down her chest in a fervent passion, his tongue reaching out to taste her skin along the way. Her breathing became labored. She let out a whimper as he swiftly pulled off her underwear and made his way to her core, inserting one finger, then another.

"Logan," she said desperately, gripping his shoulder tightly since she couldn't tug on the locks of his hair to get his attention. He looked up at her, only slowing his motions slightly.

"I need…" But she couldn't vocalize what she needed. She just needed more.

Logan nodded, coming back up to kiss her firmly. She pushed his boxers down, allowing him to kick them off the rest of the way. He hovered over her entrance.

"Condom!" she reminded him, although it came out more as a moan. She groped for the bedside table, trying to blindly find the drawer handle that held the box. Logan reached over as she yanked it open, grabbing the condom and ripping it open with his teeth. He sat up and rolled it on quickly, retuning to kiss her just as desperately as he had before.

He finally pushed inside, slowly at first, giving her time to adjust to him. But soon his pace quickened, as his desperate need for her became more and more pressing. Her hips bucked up to meet his, matching his rhythm. She needed to be closer to him; she needed all of him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, tilting her hips up to his in a new angle that pushed him deeper.

She could tell he was holding back, trying to make it last longer, but this wasn't the time for that. She needed to find release soon, and she wanted to do it with him.

"Logan," she said, lust in her voice. "Let go."

He brought his hand between them for added stimulation, and that was her undoing. Her release brought on his, and he followed shortly after.

He rolled off of her as his breathing returned to normal and discarded the condom. He pulled her back into his arms, bringing her head to rest on his chest.

"I'm so afraid," Logan finally admitted, although she already understood. Being close to her was the only way he was able to express his fear.

"I know," Rory said, because there were no other words that could sooth him at the moment. She was equally as afraid as he was, and the only way they could express that to each other was through their combined passion.

"I love you so much." They were finally drifting off to sleep, having been properly worn out, when Logan spoke the only words he could think of to sum up what he was feeling at the moment.

She kissed him chastely once. "I love you too."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hopefully the next chapter won't take nearly as long as this one did. I go back home for Thanksgiving break tomorrow afternoon, and I'd like to get at least 2 chapters up during that time. Though I can't make any promises. I have a lot of papers that I need to work on over break, and an entire book to read.

Now, I have a question for you, my wonderful readers. I recently came up with the idea for yet another Rogan story. I know, shocking! Especially considering that this is the first time I've written fanfiction in about 5 years. But the angst of this story can be pretty depressing to work with sometimes, so while I was trying to think of some lighter scenes I could add, I ended up coming up with an idea for an AU story of an alternate way Rory and Logan could have met. (That's all the details I'm going to give out about it right now, it's still in the planning stages.) Now, I wasn't going to originally start developing it until this one was finished (however long that takes) but now I'm not so sure. I'm starting to think that something a bit lighter would be a nice contrast to the constant angst of this one. Of course, it would mean that updates for this story would become more spread apart. I've been doing a very good job of keeping it updated, so if I start working on 2 stories at once, the updates might end up taking a lot longer.

So what do you guys think? Do you want me to start working on it? Or I could wait until after I finish exams, although that won't be in about a month. Give me your opinions, and I'll make a decision from there.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I love you all. You don't know how happy it makes me every time I get an email saying I have a new review/someone added this story to their alerts.


	13. Get Out Of Jail Free

**A/N: **Hey guys! I know it's been a while since I've updated. I had to put this story on hold for a while because the last 3 weeks of the semester were killing me. But the semester is over now, so I'm back to writing! I decided to make this chapter a little bit shorter than I originally anticipated, because I wanted to get you an update as soon as possible. I've been struggling with it a bit. It was a lot harder to get back into this story than I thought after not working on it for weeks. But I have brought you a new chapter, so I hope you enjoy it! In the author's note at the end of this chapter I have some info about other projects I may have in the works, so be sure to read that too.

Enjoy the chapter, and happy holidays!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Thirteen – Get Out Of Jail Free<span>

The previous night's activity seemed to calm Logan's nerves a bit. Whereas before he was frantic and panicking, being close to Rory was the only way he knew how to relax himself. He needed her physically to anchor himself down, and Rory needed him in return to prove to herself that he was still there and okay. Logan may have initiated the action, but she was just as desperate for him as he was for her.

He was a bit jittery in the morning, but his immediate panic had subsided. Logan tried to brush her off, as though slightly embarrassed by his actions the previous night. It had been a desperate cry for help, that much was obvious. But he hated needing it in the first place.

"You really don't have to come with me, Ace."

"Hush, you!" she said, teasing him. Rory was packing away her laptop. She already had a bag filled with a few necessities to keep them occupied through Logan's session. No one could say that she was unprepared. "Of course I'm coming with you! I'm not letting you go through your first chemotherapy session _alone_!"

"What about your job search?" he asked her. It was an obvious attempt at distraction. "You've barely spent any time on it recently, and I'd like to furnish the rest of our apartment sometime in the foreseeable future. Unless, of course, you'd like to reconsider my offer to pay for it all myself."

"Yeah, nice try," she responded with a grin. "Don't you worry. I've already sent off my resume to just about every newspaper in New York. I can send out follow up emails from the treatment center."

"My father might be stopping by." He tried to say it nonchalantly, but Rory could detect a deeper meaning in his comment. Logan was genuinely curious as to whether or not his father would actually put in an appearance.

Rory raised her eyebrows. "You mean the great Mitchum Huntzberger can take time out of his busy schedule to visit his son who has cancer?"

Logan shrugged his shoulders, trying not to look as though it would upset him if his dad failed to show, and what it would mean if he _does_ show up. "I haven't spoken to him since I told him. Who knows, maybe he considers the whole thing a business meeting. You know, trying to make sure I stay alive to produce an heir for him."

She frowned. "What makes him think your children would become his heir in the first place? Did he forget that you left HPG?"

"He's been perusing me in the last couple of months. Trying to convince me to come back."

This was not the answer Rory expected. "_Seriously_? I mean…are you considering it?"

"Not really. I don't know if I could trust him enough to come back." Logan sighed, running a hand across the stubble on his head. "I was at his constant beck and call when I worked for him. He'd say, 'go here,' and I'd have to comply. I wasn't allowed to argue. Mitchum says jump, I have to ask how high. And he'd always be checking up on me, making sure I wasn't 'ruining the company.' Why would I want to go back to that?"

Rory took in his words for a minute. He made a lot of valid points. It comforted her to know that Logan had no intensions of running back to his father. This new Logan, out from under his father's constant control, was a much stronger person than the one who always had to do whatever his father said. She liked this newfound confidence in him. It matched the front he always put up when dealing with society.

"Do you think you'll ever want to go back?" Rory felt like the answer could hold a lot of value towards her, and her future with him. Logan's decision to return to take up his legacy could have a large impact on her.

Logan took a few seconds before answering her. "At the moment, no. But I can't say my opinion won't change in the future. If I do go back though, it's going to be on _my_ terms." Logan reached out for Rory, grasping her waist and pulling it against him. "Don't worry about it, Ace. The only way I'd ever go back is if I could guarantee that I never have to answer to Mitchum. I'm not going to let him have any control over my life ever again."

That was a comforting thought. Mitchum's control over Logan, in the past, had meant that he had control over Rory by extension. Logan's move to London after graduation had definitely affected their relationship. On the one hand, she knew that it had been good for Logan. But the thing that Mitchum refused to admit was that his decision to send Logan there affected her as well. It was one thing for him to do that to the Logan who still lacked confidence in his abilities. But now, at age 26, Logan had taken control for himself. Part of that involved considering their relationship before making a decision. If they were going to make things work for real, Logan would need to consider how it would affect her if he decided to return to Huntzberger Publishing Group. She needed to be consulted, and the two of them would have to make a decision together.

It was part of why she hadn't been able to agree to marry him a year ago. He tried to do the right thing by thinking of how she'd fit into the new life he was trying to build for himself, but Logan hadn't stopped to ask him about it first. He forgot to factor in the fact that she hadn't been ready to settle herself in one place just yet. Maybe if he'd stopped for a minute to talk about it first, they could have avoided the whole breakup to begin with.

"I'm not worried," she said as Logan hugged her against his chest. Another question occurred to her, and Rory pulled back to look at him directly. "Um…do your parents know about us?"

"Not unless Honor told them, but I don't think she'd do that. I guess the metaphorical cat will be out of the bag if he does decide to put in an appearance."

"Oh goody. I'm sure _that_ will be a pleasant conversation."

Logan smirked. "I don't care what they think, Ace. You're my girlfriend. Maybe one day, way down the road, you'll be more than that. They don't have to _like_ it; they just have to accept it."

Rory felt her whole body warm at Logan's statement. She found that, the more they discussed their possible future together, the more comfortable she became with the idea of being his wife. Saying no to Logan's proposal had absolutely been the right decision at the time. Not because she didn't want to marry him, but because she never had the chance to think about it as more than just a daydream. When Logan had presented her with the ring a year ago, the idea of being a wife – anyone's wife – had terrified her, if only because she had never applied the idea to a real life situation before. But the more she planned and talked about it with Logan, the less scared she became.

It amazed her how he always managed to say exactly the right thing to assuage her fears.

* * *

><p>"You okay?" Rory felt the need to check, because she didn't know what else she was supposed to say. The nurse had just finished taking a blood sample and checking his vitals, and they were now waiting around for Logan's anti nausea premeds to arrive.<p>

They were in an expensive looking private room. Rory suspected that it was not being paid for by Logan, but rather that the elder Huntzbergers were picking up the tab on this one. Surely not all of the rooms had enormous, flat screen TV's on the walls, along with expensive looking DVD players.

Logan leaned over from his large chair and kissed her on the cheek. "Relax, Ace. I'm fine. You don't have to ask me every five minutes."

"Hey, you could have changed your mind in five minutes."

"Nothing's happened yet. I will let you know when I'm not fine."

"No you won't, you liar!"

He smirked. "No. I probably won't. But you still don't need to worry so much. The waiting is making me nervous enough as it is."

Rory had never felt so helpless before. She didn't know what she could say to Logan to make everything better. She couldn't do anything to take his pain away. Rory suddenly understood with perfect clarity her grandmother's actions in the hospital after her grandpa's second heart attack. Emily had gone a little crazy at the time, going through the motions of buying fish, cancelling standing appointments, and generally acting like everything was alright. Now, Rory understood that Emily was doing the only thing she could do to help. What was the alternative? To sit around and think about what would happen if he _didn't_ make it. So Emily had done anything she could think of to help, and that is what Rory would do.

Unfortunately, Rory's version of keeping busy involved fussing over Logan. That is, when she wasn't making lists. She had a list going of things they still needed to do and buy for the apartment before moving in next week. She had a list of phone calls she needed to return. While Logan was in the shower that morning, she'd made a list of books about cancer that she wanted to buy. She made a list of ideas for articles she could write to submit to Hugo. She even had a mental list going for when she should have her next 3 cups of coffee.

Things only became worse when the actual chemotherapy started almost an hour after their arrival. The first drug was a scary looking red liquid pushed into Logan's IV line. It left a weird taste in his mouth, causing Logan to pull a face. Rory's research had prepared her for this, so she was ready with a bag of lifesavers to counteract the taste. It was a small gesture, but it was at least _something_ that she could do.

"Talk about something to distract me," Logan said. He hadn't been paying any attention to the episode of The Office she had put on while Rory sent out some follow up emails regarding the resume's she'd submitted to every New York newspaper.

"Um." She went with the first thing that popped into her head. And once she started, it was hard for her to stop talking. "I was thinking we could paint the apartment before we move in. There's still so much we need to do! We don't have any towels for the bathroom, or plates and silverware! Oh, maybe I can see if my mom has any old furniture sitting around that we could use. I mean, we only have a bed and a desk. Which reminds me, what do you think about moving next Thursday? Mom said both her and Luke can take off that day to help us. Oh and what about – "

"Whoa, take a breath Ace. I can't answer you if you keep talking." He smiled slightly.

"Sorry." She looked down at her hands, slightly embarrassed. "I just…I'm just trying to help. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Hey, look at me." Logan took hold of her chin with his free hand and tilted her head up to face him. "I _know_ you're just trying to help. You're here. I didn't ask you to come. We weren't even speaking, but you came to see me anyway. That's more than enough help."

But Rory still felt like she needed to do something _more_ for him. She was trying her hardest to plan out everything so Logan wouldn't have to worry about anything. He had enough on his mind without having to worry about trivial things like furnishing their apartment, or her lack of employment. It was the least she could do.

"I know it doesn't matter to you, but I still wish there was more I could do. If I could physically reach in and remove the cancer from your body, I would."

He chucked slightly, kissing her lightly on the forehead. "You're doing plenty, Ace. And hey, painting the apartment sounds great. We'll do that tomorrow. I'll even make Colin and Finn help since they're still lazing around town."

"Not your sister?"

Logan snorted slightly. "Really Ace, can you picture her lifting anything besides a shopping bag? Besides, I want to give her and Josh some peace and quiet. I'm surprised she's put up with having Colin and Finn around for so long."

They continued to discuss the state of their apartment with ease. It was nice that they had something exciting and new to focus on. The whole situation felt a little contradictory to Rory. She felt like she had no right to be happy about the home she was planning to make with Logan, considering the circumstances. Maybe happy wasn't the right word to describe how she was feeling. She was incredibly comfortable and at ease. Everything they were doing, all the strides she was making in securing her relationship with Logan felt right. After her breakdown last night, she was trying not to dwell too much on the possibility of losing Logan. She knew they'd have to return to that subject eventually. She just didn't know how to think about it without becoming overly emotional.

As the nurse was checking on Logan to make sure everything was okay, neither Rory nor Logan noticed the tall, broad man standing in the doorway of the room. They were too busy telling the nurse the story of how they met to pay any attention to anything else going on around them.

"I swear, he was making me so mad!" Rory said, though she was smiling. "There I was, practically yelling at him because he had spoken to my friend like he was beneath him, and he just _argued_ with me! He actually had the gall to try and defend his actions."

"Well, I couldn't help myself! She looks _really_ cute when she's angry."

"Yes, I believe you said something to that extent the day we met. You said that anger works on me."

"You know what? It's been about four years; I think I can finally admit that I was just arguing with you on purpose. I liked seeing you all worked up." He smirked at her playfully.

"I knew it!" Rory poked a finger into his chest, practically jumping out of her seat next to him. "I _knew_ you were just picking a fight on purpose! Oh, you are such a jerk!"

"I should probably also admit that it wasn't the _only_ fight I've ever picked with you just to see you get angry. I mean, you never _did_ call me Master and Commander like I asked. I needed to exact my revenge in some way."

Rory was flabbergasted, but it had the nurse cracking up. "You guys are hilarious. And you tell stories so well. Did your friend Finn ever find his redhead?"

But the sound of the man in the doorway clearing his throat loudly interrupted them. Rory whipped her head around to see who the interruption came from and froze. There stood Mitchum Huntzberger, a solemn look on his face.

Logan tensed slightly. "Dad." There was no real emotion in his voice.

The awkward silence cut through the air, and the nurse shuffled out. Rory decided to take a note from her and give the two Huntzberger's some privacy. She did not particularly want to be around for that discussion.

"I'm uh…I'm just gonna step out and call my mom. I'll be back." She gave Logan's hand one last squeeze before leaving him to talk with his father. The two were still staring at each other in silence.

It wasn't that Rory was afraid of Mitchum exactly. Not anymore, anyway. The problem with Logan's parents is that they tend to screw things up with her life, whether intentionally or not. There is not a single interaction that she has had with either Huntzberger where Rory came out feeling anything less than inadequate. Even the last time she had seen Mitchum on Logan's 25th birthday, where he had complimented her on helping Logan to mature. She'd left that conversation feeling like she was conspiring against Logan behind his back.

No, it was easier to just avoid Mitchum all together than to deal with him directly if she didn't have to.

"Why hello there, my only daughter!" Lorelai answered rather cheerfully.

Rory decided to just cut right to the chase. "You'll never guess who showed up just now to visit Logan during chemo."

"Santa Claus?"

"No."

"The Easter bunny?"

"No."

"The Tooth Fairy."

"No, and to answer your next guess, it's not Big Foot either. Think more along the lines of actual human being, but just as likely to show up as a mythological creature."

"I don't know. Logan's long lost son?"

"Logan doesn't have a long lost son."

"That you know of."

"Mom!"

"Alright, alright! Why don't you just tell me, kid, because I've got a million more guesses coming your way, and I don't think you're gonna like them very much either."

"Mitchum Huntzberger's here."

Rory waited as Lorelai took a moment to process her words. "Logan's father _actually_ showed up?"

"Just a minute ago. So I decided to give Logan some alone time with his father."

"And by that you mean you don't really want to be in the same room as Mitchum."

"Well, that too."

She figured their peaceful reunion was at an end now. If Mitchum didn't already know that the two of them were seeing each other again due to her presence, Logan would have to tell him. The Huntzberger's would officially do everything in their power to be involved in some way.

"I guess that's it, then," Rory finally said, slightly dejected. "Getting back together was too easy. Now comes the part of our relationship where everyone else gets involved. Shira will be trying to break us up soon. Mitchum will want to force one of his newspapers into hiring me on the spot. Emily will send out the wedding invitations, even after we told her we're waiting."

"Speaking of Emily," said Lorelai very slowly. "I knew that dinner we had with them two weeks ago was too calm. Not nearly enough subtle judging and undermining. Apparently she was just waiting for the right moment to strike."

Rory frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, she's added one more thing to the list of ways I've raised you wrong. I may have accidentally let slip that you and Logan are going to be living together. Needless to say, my mother wasn't exactly thrilled."

"I don't understand. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that's not the way things are done in society. You're not supposed to live with a man unmarried. But instead of calling _you_ to tell you this, she blamed me."

She wanted to laugh, despite how incredibly unfunny the situation was. Rory would never understand her grandmother's logic. "How is it your fault?"

"According to my mother, I didn't teach you a proper set of morals. She was all, 'this is unforgivable, Lorelai! You get engaged, you get married, and _then_ you move in together! That is the way things are done. This is all your fault! You can't even be married to a man more than five seconds, it's no wonder your daughter doesn't know the proper procedures.'"

Rory was flabbergasted. "She actually said that?"

"Among other things."

"Man. And here I thought Grandma and Grandpa were being supportive."

She heard Lorelai laugh. "Don't worry, kid. They're not mad at you, not really. They're pretty much blaming everyone else but you. It's my fault because I didn't raise you properly, and it's Logan's fault because he didn't propose the second you got back together."

She sighed. Her grandmother's involvement was getting a little ridiculous. "I'm not even going to touch that one. Did she forget the fact that Logan has cancer? Or the fact that I turned down his marriage proposal a year ago? Those are two huge factors that the two of us need to work on. Not Grandma. Logan and I."

"Yeah, I don't think she really cares about that, kid."

She sighed in frustration.

"Look," Lorelai continued. "Don't worry about Emily's unrealistic expectations. I'll keep her off your back. You have enough on your plate right now without dealing with Adolf. How are things going with you two, by the way?"

Rory wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Things with us relationship wise are good. The cancer stuff: not so good. Logan barely talks about it, and I'm too afraid to really get into it either, so I let him not talk about it. It's how he deals. But then we both kind of had a separate mental breakdown last night, and we're better now."

"You okay, kid?"

She shrugged, even though Lorelai couldn't see her. "I'm fine now. I kind of freaked out when Logan decided to shave his head – "

"Wait, Logan shaved his head? As in bald?"

"Not completely, no. He said he didn't want to watch his hair fall out slowly, so he wanted to shave it off now. It's really short. So then all the rest of the guys shaved their heads first to support him."

"I find it hard to believe that Colin and Finn shaved their heads."

"Hey, they're better friends than you think. They've been really supportive lately. It's pretty refreshing to know that they do actually know how to behave responsibly."

"Get back to the story!"

"Right. So Logan goes last, I shave his hair off for him, and I'm barely even looking at what I'm doing. And, I don't know, I just lost it. I felt so bad; _I'm_ the one who's supposed to be supporting Logan, not the other way around! Anyway, I calmed down, we all watched a movie, but Logan got really quiet. Then _he_ lost it when we were going to sleep – "

"Dirty!"

"Mom!" It was a reflex statement of protest. Rory then remembered that the events of the previous night were, in fact, rather dirty. "Whatever."

"Hah! I knew something dirty happened."

"Fine, we had sex! I'm 23 years old; I'm allowed to have sex with my boyfriend. Not the point. What I'm trying to say is Logan's not exactly good at saying, 'I'm scared, please help me.' That was the best way he could articulate it. But he seemed fine this morning. And now his dad is here, so you're all up to speed."

"Speaking of dad's – "

"You're just the queen of segue's today, aren't you?"

"I talked to your father. I figured you haven't had much of a chance to call him. Anyway, he's all up to speed on what's going on. You should give him a call, let him come down to visit you and be all daddy-ish."

Rory felt kind of bad that she hadn't called her father. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him. Her relationship with her father was much better than it had been in the past. Things had just been so chaotic over the last two weeks, so chaotic that calling Christopher had simply slipped her mind.

"He's not mad that I didn't call him, is he?"

"Oh kid, of course not! You've got a get out of jail free card because your boyfriend has a cancer. But give him a call, let him come by tomorrow."

"I need to check with Logan first. We're thinking of painting the apartment."

"That's perfect! Manual labor would make Chris feel _very_ daddy-ish!"

Rory let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Mom. I'll see you Thursday."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **First things first. I have a one shot up that I posted a few weeks ago of Logan's POV from the time he met Rory to the them getting together. If you haven't already read it, check it out. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I'm also thinking that I might do a continuation of that soon.

Second. I'm getting started on the AU I mentioned, so hopefully I'm bring that to you soon. A little more info, it's basically a, "how they could have met" story if Logan didn't go on his boat trip during Rory's freshman year. I've already got the first chapter planned out, as well as several of the later chapters, and I promise you all that you're gonna love it. It's might lighter and comedic than this one, which is why I'm looking forward to working on it.

Third, and this is the story that I don't know if I'm gonna bother writing or not. I came up with an idea for a post S7 pregnancy fic. I know everyone and their mom has done it before, which is pretty much why I do and do not want to write it. But I have some really good ideas on how to make it original/do it in a way that no one else has done before. One of my friends thinks I should write it simply_ because_ it's been so overdone, but I'm probably going to hold off on it for a little while. But if any of you, dear readers, as a strong opinion one way or the other as to whether or not you'd even be interested in me working on developing this story, let me know.

I'll try and get the next update for this story as soon as possible!


	14. Future Kidney Donors

**A/N**: This chapter was quite emotional and difficult to write. I had to take quite a few breaks in between sections, but I finally got it finished. So without further adieu, I bring you the next chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Fourteen – Future Kidney Donors<span>

After ending the call with her mother, Rory decided that it was time to bite the bullet and head back inside to see Logan. She couldn't avoid Mitchum forever. In any case, Logan probably could use a buffer by now.

But as she approached Logan's room, the sound of raised voices made her hesitate. Rory froze at upon hearing her name, waiting just outside opened doorway, making sure to keep herself hidden from view. It sounded as though the two Huntzberger men were having an argument – and she was the subject.

"What is Rory even doing here?" Mitchum asked. "Son, she turned down your marriage proposal!"

"I'm aware of that, dad. I was there."

"She humiliated this family!" She heard anger edging its way into Mitchum's voice. Rory's blood turned cold at the malice.

"How did she humiliate the family? I wasn't asking her to marry you and mom; I was asking her to marry _me_."

"And she would have been our family too if she had said yes. You do _not_ refuse a Huntzberger and just expect to waltz back in like nothing is wrong."

"_Refuse a Huntzberger_! My god, this isn't a business deal, Dad! This doesn't even have anything to do with you."

"What concerns you concerns me. And what concerns me concerns our family."

She heard Logan's groan of frustration. "What the hell do you know about family?"

"Now that's not fair, Logan," Mitchum responded, his voice softening a bit. "Everything I've done, I've done for the family. I've always had your best interests at heart."

Logan sighed. Rory pictured him running a hand across his head out of habit. "You know what dad? I'm tired hearing that as an excuse. You fucked up. Just admit that you fucked up and say you're sorry. I'm getting tired of always having this argument with you."

There was a pause, as though Logan was halfheartedly hoping that his father would respond. When he didn't Logan continued.

"My relationship with Rory does _not_ concern you. You and Mom and Grandpa have done nothing but treat Rory horribly since the day I brought her home."

"That's not – "

"_No_, Dad!" Logan interrupted. "I don't want to hear whatever counterargument you're about to form. I want to make myself very clear here: the only people who get to decide the status of my relationship are the people in it. I don't care if you think she embarrassed the family. I don't care what you think about her at all, really. She's my girlfriend, and I am not obligated to explain it to you. I don't owe you any explanations. I don't owe you anything at all, really. I left the company. The only money of yours that I have is _my_ trust fund, which I hardly even touch anymore to begin with. Give me one good reason why you think I should even let you have any involvement with Rory."

"That's _enough _Logan! I am your father!" Mitchum was angry again.

Logan laughed. "Oh, please! I'm twenty six years old; I'm financially independent of you. You don't get to play that card anymore. Try again."

"Logan," Mitchum sighed in frustration. "I am your father. You are my son. I'm just trying to help you."

"By doing what? Questioning why someone would come see me when I'm sick?" Logan sighed. He sounded utterly defeated, as though he knew what he was about to say to his father wouldn't make any difference at all. "You know what, in the two weeks since I was diagnosed with cancer, I've had a lot of support from people. Honor flew across the country the second I called her from the hospital. And I know what you think about Colin and Finn, but I didn't even tell them what was going on and they came. They even went behind my back and called Rory for me because they _knew_ I'd be too stubborn to do it myself. As for Rory, she was on a plane and in New York not even twenty four hours after they called her. Where were you, Dad? You've been working, and Mom's in some spa."

"Give us a break, Logan. It's not easy hearing that your only son has cancer."

"I don't _want_ to give you any breaks. I'm hearing all your excuses. You don't know how to deal with it? Fine. Stop criticizing the people who can handle this. Rory's here because I want her to be here. She's my girlfriend and I love her, and I suggest that you and Mom find some way to get used to that because Rory isn't going to be going away. You will be polite to her and her family, or you won't be involved with my life at all, end of discussion. Now, I suggest you leave before she comes back, because I _really_ don't want her to walk in on us having this conversation."

At those words, Rory made a hasty retreat back down the corridor, taking refuge in the women's bathroom before Mitchum exited the room.

She leaned back against the wall of sinks, giving herself time to process Mitchum's words. Did Logan think that too? That she had embarrassed him by saying no? She didn't even care what Mitchum or Shira thought about her; Rory had long ago come to terms with the fact that she would never get along with Logan's parents. But she hopped that she hadn't embarrassed Logan.

It had nearly broken her heart to say no. In the year following their breakup, the dejected look on Logan's face as she handed him back the ring often haunted her. For the longest time, it was hard to even think about him without seeing that look. There was so much sadness and disappointment in his eyes. The memory of her graduation from Yale was forever tainted by images of Logan's hurt expression. It had been the right thing to do. Nonetheless, doing so had crushed her. She hadn't intended to hurt Logan. She was just trying to do what she thought was right for her.

Rory tuned around to look at herself in the mirror. Most of the color had drained from her face. She didn't want to give Logan any indication that she'd overheard the conversation. Rory turned on the faucet, splashing a little water over her eyes and on her cheeks. She blindly reached for a paper towel to wipe her face dry, pinching her cheeks lightly to bring back some color. Letting go of the breath she had been holding, Rory exited the bathroom and made her way back over to Logan's room.

"Hey," she said, hesitating slightly as she took her seat next to him again. Logan had gone back to watching The Office, although she could see the anger on his face from the argument he'd just had with his father. She had been gone for so long that the medicine had changed. It was no longer a red drug being pumped into his veins, but a clear one.

"Did your dad leave?" Rory tried to ask him casually. "I didn't see him on my way back."

Logan studied her face carefully, frowning. "How much did you overhear?"

"How did you – "

But Logan look told her all she needed to know. It was clear that he already guessed that her delay in return was a direct result in the conversation she'd overheard.

"I heard everything after, 'what is she doing here' and I took off after you told him to leave so I wouldn't have to run into him."

Logan closed his eyes, his head falling back against the headrest of his chair. Rory reached out a hand to stroke his cheek, and the tension in his shoulders lessened slightly.

"I really don't want to hate my parents," Logan told her, opening his eyes once again. Rory's hand dropped away, taking hold of his free hand instead. "Really, it takes up too much energy, and I don't see the point in wasting my energy hating them. But the things he was saying – I'm just so _tired_ of it."

He paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "He has an excuse for why he did everything, like that's supposed to make it all okay. I'm supposed to just forgive him because, 'hey, he did what he thought was right!'"

"You know, you're sounding eerily like my mom talking about _her_ parents right now," she said with a slight giggle.

"Hey, I have a lot of respect for your mom. She figured it out a hell of a lot sooner than I did."

A silence fell between them, in which Rory stroked his hand with her thumb soothingly.

"So what are you going to do about it then?" she questioned. "Are you just going to just cut them out completely?"

"I don't know. But I'm not going to keep putting up with his rationalizations and excuses. I don't have the energy to do that anymore – especially now."

Rory frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what if this is really the end? What if – "

"Don't say that!"

"Rory, I mean it. We need to have this conversation." He sighed. "Let's just say that I don't get better. Or if I do and it comes back and _then_ I don't get better. Either way, I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending like I'm okay with the way my family has handled things in the past. They have every excuse in the book for why they did something, but not once have my parents actually apologized for something they did. Maybe things would be different if they had." Logan shook his head, as though trying to clear it. "I'm getting off topic."

"You're getting as good at rambling as me. Almost, anyway. You still need some practice."

He smirked, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. "The point I'm trying to make is, I don't want to spend the rest of my life listening to all of their excuses. It's no excuse for being a poor father. And I will _not_ sit here and let him treat you poorly. You are more family to me than they've ever been."

"Logan." A lump started to form in her throat. "I – I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to, Ace." He leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek. "You know how I feel about you. You are the most important person in the world to me. As for my parents…I've never felt anything towards my parents but obligation, annoyance, and anger. You're my family. Honor's my family. Heck, even Colin and Finn are my family. My parents can be my family when they act like it."

His words were harsh. Rory knew that Mitchum and Shira deserved it, but at the same time she felt kind of bad for them. They were losing their son completely, only not to the cancer.

She wondered what would be easier; to try to appeal to Logan, or talk to the elder Huntzberger's. Logan was justified in his anger. She could even understand why he was doing things this way. But his parents were a lot like her grandparents. They were so stubborn and convinced that they were right that they wouldn't even attempt to repair their crumbling relationship with their son.

"Logan, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be angry," Rory said, hesitating a little. "You're right; they're absolutely horrible. I'm just saying that you shouldn't cut them out completely. If you burn that bridge and wait too long to repair the damage, there might be too much damage to even fix. My mom and my grandparents waited too long, and they still have the same arguments twenty three years later."

"It's not really my problem to fix. I'm not the one who ruined our relationship."

"I know that. I'm on your side here. Look, all I'm trying to say is to at least keep up enough communication that you could still, say, call them for a kidney if you needed one."

That made him chuckle. "I guess I can still call them on their birthday and send them Christmas presents. Just as long as we don't have to go over there."

"Oh, no way! We have to spend Christmas with my mom. She's still mad about me going to London with you two years ago. We had to do all our Christmas traditions late. She didn't even buy a tree or decorate the house until after I got back!"

Logan grinned, his smile finally reaching his eyes. But it drained away quickly.

"I don't agree with any of those things he said, you know. About you embarrassing the family."

"Oh," was all she could say.

"I know why you said no. And you didn't embarrass me. I was angry, and my ego was a little bruised – "

"Well, your ego could use to be taken down a notch or two sometimes – " she said, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

" – But you never embarrassed me. Even so, all that's in the past now. I don't care about any of it. You're here now, nothing else is important."

They sat in silence for a while, watching the episode of The Office that was finishing up on the screen. They watched another episode without really speaking much. The nurse flitted in and out of the room as she checked on Logan. He was given the third of his chemotherapy drugs.

"My father did make one good point though," Logan finally said. "Before we started arguing. He thinks I should write a will just in case, and I agree."

Rory frowned. The conversation topic made her a bit too uncomfortable. "It's still so early, Logan. Why do you even need one?"

"It's better I write one now and not need it, just in case. And I've got a lot of stocks, and there's my trust fund. If I don't write it, I can guarantee that my dad will make sure you don't see a penny, especially since we're not married."

Her stomach felt heavier. "I don't want any money if you…" She let the sentence trail off, unable to finish it.

"I know you don't." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "And I know that this might be a little premature. But I want to be prepared anyway. Now, my dad probably expects me to use his lawyers so he can subtly control where all my money goes. But I'm not going to. I'll talk to Colin; his father will hook me up. And I don't want you arguing about this one, I'm going to write you in. I want to make sure you're taken care of, just in case."

Rory shuddered. "Okay. Can we please stop talking about this now? I can only talk about you – you dying for so long. I've reached my limit."

Logan tried to give her a smile. "It's not my favorite subject of conversation either."

"Okay, how about we talk about people who actually like you? My mom talked to my dad, explained to him everything. She thinks I should call him, invite him to come down tomorrow. Let him play the daddy card. We could put him to work painting. He likes you, it'll be fun."

Logan sighed, closing his eyes. She could tell that he'd had about enough of dealing with their families for a while.

"We don't have to," she said quickly. "I haven't talked to him yet. We can put it off for now, until you're up for it. It's not a big deal."

"No, it's fine," said Logan. He dropped her hand from his grasp and rubbed his temples. "Seeing your dad won't be as bad as my parents are. I know you haven't seen him in a while either, I don't want to keep you from your dad."

"Are you _sure_? Because we really don't have to if you're not up to it."

"Ace, it's really okay. Seeing your parents is part of the relationship, remember? I won't tell you not to invite him just because I _may_ be tired from chemotherapy. In fact, have him bring your little sister along too. It'll be fine."

At Logan's words, a plan started to take shape in her mind.

"I'll have them come Sunday instead of tomorrow. That way you'll have a day of not dealing with parents in between."

Logan agreed.

* * *

><p>This was possibly the last place in the world that Rory wanted to be. She wasn't sure what she was even doing here. Rory swore that the house looked bigger than the last time she was there, which also happened to be here first and only visit. It looked even more intimidating too.<p>

Rory had lied to Logan about where she was going. She hated lying to him, but she saw no way around it. She didn't want him to know she was here. So Rory had woken up early that morning, gotten dressed, grabbed her laptop, and told Logan that she was heading out to a café to work on an article to send Hugo. Instead, she went to Grand Central Station and got on a train to Hartford.

The idea had formulated when Logan mentioned having to deal with her parents. He was right, although he hadn't meant her. Rory couldn't avoid Logan's family forever. And the longer that Logan went without speaking to his parents, the worse the situation would become. So the one thing that Rory knew she could do was try to help.

She knew from her grandparents that the Huntzberger's had a benefit to go to in the afternoon, and she knew from Honor that Shira had returned from her stay at the spa that morning, so Rory timed her visit perfectly. She made it to the Huntzberger's home (if it could be called a home; it looked more like a small castle) with just enough time to ensure that they would be there, but not enough time for a prolonged visit.

Rory stared at the door nervously for a long time before finally ringing the doorbell. Her hand had pushed the button on its own accord; she hadn't even realized that she had mentally prepared enough to even go inside.

"Hi," Rory said when the door was pulled opened by the nervous looking maid. "I'm here to see Mitchum and Shira. Are they in?"

"Are they expecting you?" the maid questioned.

"Well, no, but it's really important that I see them right now. I'm Rory Gilmore. It's about their son."

The maid hesitated for a moment before standing aside to allow her to enter.

Rory followed the maid to the sitting room, where she waited along for her to retrieve the Huntzbergers. No longer was Rory impressed by the architecture and artwork like she was the last time she was here. Instead, she saw images of that visit flashing through her mind one after the other. She and Logan had just started dating exclusively. She saw herself being attacked by Logan's mother and grandfather as they told her that she wasn't good enough to marry into their family. And she just sat there and took it. Not this time, though. This time, Rory would do all the talking. They could be the ones to sit quietly and take it while Rory said everything that she came here to say.

"Rory," she heard Shira say, her voice dripping with false politeness. Rory stood up as Shira and Mitchum entered the room to greet them properly.

"How lovely it is to see you," Shira continued. Rory didn't buy her false smile for a minute. "We weren't expecting you, were we?"

"No, this was kind of a spur of the moment decision. I'm sorry if I interrupted anything, but I thought it was important that I come down here to speak with you. I hope that's alright."

"Of course," Mitchum said. Logan's parents sat down on the couch opposite Rory, and so she resumed her seat as well. "What can we do for you?"

Rory took a deep breath. "It's about Logan."

She waited a moment, expecting them to stop and ask questions. When they didn't say anything, Rory went on.

"Look. I'm sure that you two had your reasons for doing things a certain way. And that's fine. I'm not here to argue with you about your parenting techniques, especially when there's nothing you can do to change it now. But the thing you have to understand is, your actions have only pushed Logan further away from you. That's a reality that you need to face."

Mitchum opened his mouth to interrupt, but Rory held up a hand to stop him. "Let me finish. Now, the way I see it, you have two options here. You can either keep doing things the way you've been doing them, or you can try to make things right now. I've seen firsthand how the former works out. My grandparents did not handle my mother's pregnancy well, and as a result I didn't even see them for years. I'm not saying that what my mother did was wrong. She had her reasons for wanting to keep me away from this world, just as they had their reasons for doing things the way they did. And just as I'm sure you both had your reasons for doing things the way you've been doing them. But I'm not interested in that. What I'm interested in is the repercussions of your actions."

Rory stopped for a moment to take a breath. "It took my mother sixteen years to begin to have a relationship with her parents again. And even then it was a bad one. They've been having the same arguments over and over again for years. I don't want that for you. I don't want Logan to go through what my mother went through just because you can't admit that you screwed up."

They couldn't keep quiet at that comment. "Now, hold on just a minute," Mitchum said, and she could see the fury on his face.

"_No_," said Rory firmly. She wasn't going to back down. She refused to even give them a second to respond to her words. "You _did_ screw up. Among other things, you pushed him into a life that he didn't want. It's no wonder he responded by acting out. And every time he screwed up, you called him a failure. Logan's success doesn't come from my encouragement; it comes in spite of you." Rory paused here, shaking her head. "I didn't come here to accuse you of anything. I _know_ you thought you were doing the right thing here. But your plan backfired. So now _you_ have to be the one to fix it. If you don't, Logan won't be the one suffering. You will."

With that final statement, Rory stood up. "Now, I have to go. Logan doesn't know that I'm here. I've said everything I wanted to say. I hope you'll take what I've told you into consideration."

As Rory made her way out of the room, she paused, turning back to face them. "Don't make the same mistakes that my grandparents made. You still have time to make amends. Apologize now, or else you're going to lose him forever. Not just because he has cancer and could actually die, but because he won't want to have anything to do with you. And I won't blame him."

And before they had a chance to respond, Rory walked out, her head held high with self assured confidence.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hope you enjoyed that! I'm going to try to make the next one a little less emotional and angsty, because writing those types of chapters tends to wear on me. They're as emotinally draining to write as it is to read them.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a fantastic New Year! And also, if you haven't seen it already, I posted the first chapter of my Rogan AU, so check it out. I have big plans for that story. I will also get started on the pregnancy fic sometime after the new year. So I've got plenty of different stories coming your way.

Don't forget to let me know what you think! I love each and every one of you.


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